Jane6355 Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I think being the OW is one of the hardest things to do. But there are also other ways of being the OW without actually having the pleasure of holding your love in your arms. I think there is a lot of people out there who has a emotional affair without having gotten to the point of having sex or even kissing. I am in a situation like that. Met a man about 2 years ago and the first moment I layed my eyes on him my heart told me that he was the one for me. Only thing is, he has a girlfriend, been with her for about 5 years. Much younger than him and not even close to the intellectual equal to him. We became fast friends and have gone through a lot of turmoil, but came out on the other side even stronger. We spend on average 3 hours a day on the phone, sometimes up to an hour at a time. He sees me as a part of his life but only during working hours, once the sun sets, I do not hear from him. His girlfriend is aware of our friendship and has no problem with it, i just dont think she realize how much time we spend sharing dreams, hopes and secrets he would not share with her. Thing is, even though we are that close, we have never touched each other in any inappropriate way. I do not want to jeopardize his relationship with his girlfriend because i love him too much. But waiting for something that might never happen also eats at your soul. Should I see our relationship in the same light as cheating? Am I then the other woman?
Lyssa Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 If you read other threads, you will see that Emotional Affair can be more damaging than Physical Affair.
Author Jane6355 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 I am truly not sure if we are having an emotional affair? Maybe we are just really good friends. He has never told me he loves me, or that he is leaving his girlfriend for that matter. If the love only exists from my side, would he still be guilty of an emotional affair?
whichwayisup Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I think you're setting yourself up for a fall, alot pain...You've put yourself in a situation that is harmful to you. Because of your feelings, you feel they aren't good together, that she isn't his intellectual match. His girlfriend knows about your friendship with him but she more than likely isn't aware that you two are bonding and growing together. Or atleast you are, not too sure about him seeing as he only sees you on his time frame and at work. What I don't understand is, why you are putting energy and love into a man who has had a girlfriend for 5 years...You're going to get jealous eventually and hurt as well. We became fast friends and have gone through a lot of turmoil, but came out on the other side even stronger May I ask what kind of turmoil?
Author Jane6355 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 We have had a lot of cases where people tried to break our friendship in sneaky underhand ways. A few times our friendship hung by a thread, but seemes to just blossom afterwards. Three different people tried, for that matter. Also financial. Things are not too hot on either side, so we help each other financially where we can.
Owl Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Why do you think they tried to break your friendship? Jealousy? Envy? Or do you think that THEY might feel that your friendship is "over the line"?
whichwayisup Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Also financial. Things are not too hot on either side, so we help each other financially where we can Does his gf know this?
serliana7 Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Do you think he realizes you're in love with him?
whichwayisup Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 so we help each other financially where we can This is what couples do, NOT platonic friends. You're investing too much into him and it's one sided. Your expectations are going to rise and eventually you're going to be disappointed because he cannot offer much of himself to you. Please re-think this situation. You are going to get hurt as time goes on, especially since you love him.
Author Jane6355 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 I dont think that she knows about the money, but honestly, even though i think she is a nice girl, she does not have the depth to realize the implications? And yes, i am pretty sure that he knows that i love him, so i suppose if it was an affair, even emotional, he would have made his move by now. so maybe i should just write it off as a friendship and continue as normal. whatever normal means for us. He has told me however that he would not like it if i were to get a boyfriend as it would interfere with what we have.
Lizzie60 Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I think being the OW is one of the hardest things to do. But there are also other ways of being the OW without actually having the pleasure of holding your love in your arms. I think there is a lot of people out there who has a emotional affair without having gotten to the point of having sex or even kissing. I am in a situation like that. Met a man about 2 years ago and the first moment I layed my eyes on him my heart told me that he was the one for me. Only thing is, he has a girlfriend, been with her for about 5 years. Much younger than him and not even close to the intellectual equal to him. We became fast friends and have gone through a lot of turmoil, but came out on the other side even stronger. We spend on average 3 hours a day on the phone, sometimes up to an hour at a time. He sees me as a part of his life but only during working hours, once the sun sets, I do not hear from him. His girlfriend is aware of our friendship and has no problem with it, i just dont think she realize how much time we spend sharing dreams, hopes and secrets he would not share with her. Thing is, even though we are that close, we have never touched each other in any inappropriate way. I do not want to jeopardize his relationship with his girlfriend because i love him too much. But waiting for something that might never happen also eats at your soul. Should I see our relationship in the same light as cheating? Am I then the other woman? I don't know, I could be wrong but it seems to me that you are way more into him than he is into you... He probably does see you as a good friend.. and you're reading too much into this.. His gf knows about you and she's not one bit troubled... then I say she is very confident that he's not that into you and she trusts him. My bet is that it will never happen.. don't waste your time or energy on this guy.
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 It’s hard to say whether he is as equally enamoured by you as you are by him. But given the way you describe your feelings, I’d say you sound way too close to doing a terrible injustice to yourself. If you think you’re soul sick now, imagine what it will feel like if he chooses to reciprocate and take advantage of your vulnerability ... and then goes home to another woman and does with her exactly as he does with you. There’s nothing very “special” about you or your relationship/friendship in that. No matter how much you’ll try to convince yourself you’re better for him than that other lady. In the beginning you’ll be his dirty little “secret” ... and by the end of it (if he gets caught before he finds the backbone to leave her) you’ll be reduced even further and labeled his regretful “mistake.” And that’s exactly what he’ll call you to her. Jane ... you along with every guy and gal out there deserves more from a friendship and relationship than being anyone’s “secret” or “mistake.” And I don’t care if they’re single, dating, married or somewhere in between. Don’t sell yourself short to this guy or any other. My honest advice to you ... until he’s finally single and available; until he’s well over his current girlfriend; until he’s finally PROUD to stand up and introduce you to everyone in his life who’s important to him as “my girlfriend”, or even “my good friend” ... don’t sacrifice your dignity or even consider standing second in line to his other love interest a second longer. Or it will take you twice as long to find your self esteem again once he’s robbed it to feed his own starving ego. Please!
herenow Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I think being the OW is one of the hardest things to do. Actually, I think it's very easy to do. If it was so hard, there wouldn't be so much infidelity in this world. Like others have said, it sounds like there is a lot more emotional investment from you then there is for him. Step away and ask yourself if this is even worth pursuing. If you really believe that being the OW is one of the hardest things to do, why would you subject yourself to that in the first place?
Greencup Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I find it hard to believe that you say you have respect for his relationship with in fact you continue to seek his friendship in other ways that his girlfriend does not know about. Do you really think that he will actually be with you in the end? I think being the OW is one of the hardest things to do. But there are also other ways of being the OW without actually having the pleasure of holding your love in your arms. I think there is a lot of people out there who has a emotional affair without having gotten to the point of having sex or even kissing. I am in a situation like that. Met a man about 2 years ago and the first moment I layed my eyes on him my heart told me that he was the one for me. Only thing is, he has a girlfriend, been with her for about 5 years. Much younger than him and not even close to the intellectual equal to him. We became fast friends and have gone through a lot of turmoil, but came out on the other side even stronger. We spend on average 3 hours a day on the phone, sometimes up to an hour at a time. He sees me as a part of his life but only during working hours, once the sun sets, I do not hear from him. His girlfriend is aware of our friendship and has no problem with it, i just dont think she realize how much time we spend sharing dreams, hopes and secrets he would not share with her. Thing is, even though we are that close, we have never touched each other in any inappropriate way. I do not want to jeopardize his relationship with his girlfriend because i love him too much. But waiting for something that might never happen also eats at your soul. Should I see our relationship in the same light as cheating? Am I then the other woman?
Recommended Posts