Lucky555 Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I have recently just changed my perspective on dating guys. I used to think that every guy has a shot with me. I AM OPEN minded so to speak...OH I am WRONG. I am learning to separate the losers from the good guys. The guy that starts talking about other girls or blatantly checks them out in front of me on purpose is a loser. I know all guys will check out girls but i am talking about going out of their way to do this to play a game. There are other factors i have been considering too..such as not to waste my time giving them a chance if they are not putting in effort. Just a couple things i have learned and why not every guy is getting the chance.
Enema Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Yeah why should you deign to give them a spec of your time if they're not putting in a lot of effort? You're a princess damnit and those slugs should realize it's all up to them!
carhill Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 OP, while I feel it is good to be discerning, do be aware that it's a two way street. I think knowing yourself and who you are compatible with is a big help when doling out "chances".
Author Lucky555 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 OP, while I feel it is good to be discerning, do be aware that it's a two way street. I think knowing yourself and who you are compatible with is a big help when doling out "chances". I also think its a two way street thats why i say if they don't put the effort in i am going to stop wasting my time instead of being so understanding.. Knowing myself and who i am compatible with is another thing. I know myself to the extent i know what i want to do with my life and i am working hard but i also know where i am at in life and what i am looking for in a person. The whole "who i know that i am compatible with" is a mystery to me! lol I think i am going with trial and error here and of course interest in the person.
carhill Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Our psychologist calls this dynamic "disparate perspectives", even though we have essentially similar value systems and beliefs. Our approach to the world and life is so different that he sat back in his chair and wondered out loud how we ever got together My answer was easy. I adapted. It's what empaths do. It's unhealthy. Don't be me
Author Lucky555 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Carhill, you and your SO are totally different with the values and beliefs that you have...Thank you for the advise, I am looking for someone who shares the same values and beliefs that i have currently. A man that i was previously was with...we had an instant chemistry and i could have had a great relationship but thats what was missing...WE didn't share the same values and beliefs. I have learned that I am not going to believe the guy in the beginning of the relationship and that i have to develop these things in order: friendship, trust, commitment, attachment. I have realized all guys want the same thing as i do and all guys that i have seen wanted to jump right into the relationship! I don't know them and they don't know me! I think now i am going to establish friendships with guys and get a feel for them. If i really do like them i will pursue it but i have stopped wasting my time on the ones that just don't fit the bill. Otherwise i agree with you same values and beliefs.
GPFan Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Just a couple things i have learned and why not every guy is getting the chance.As Carhill mentioned, discernment is a very useful tool to have in your arsenal. This is what life and dating are all about -- learning and growing.
Trialbyfire Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Yup, everyone needs to understand themselves, what they need becoming non-negotiables and what they want, negotiables. This creates natural filters, therefore, you no longer waste your time with the numbers game. Regardless of filters, it's always wise to get to know someone first! If you immediately leap into the physical, they might never bother to get to know you. When the chemical high wears off, do you even like each other as people?
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