xElle Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 So me and my LDR boyfriend broke up a few weeks ago. It was mutual as we were just having too many problems. We still love eachother and we still talk, but recently it feels like he's become distant. I don't want to lose him completely. He's out with his friends having a good time and I'm stuck at home wondering when he'll be back. The time zone differences make it awkward too (he's 8 hours behind). It's never been a problem for us before but he hasn't made the effort to come and talk to me lately. He still logs on and tells me what he's been up to that day and what his plans are.. but.. I don't know. I feel lonely. I want him to pay attention to me. I'm not used to this. I miss him so much. I don't know if I'm asking for advice. I just wanted to tell someone how I felt.
kizik Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 We still love eachother and we still talk, but recently it feels like he's become distant. Uh... you broke up. He's distant? That's kind of part of breaking up. You don't talk to the other person.
HisLove Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 If you are unable to be friends without longing or hoping for more, then maybe no contact is best for you. No contact helps you move on with your life without him in it. If there is no chance of getting back together, staying in touch is like repeatedly putting a bandaid on and ripping it off. You will never heal!! Perhaps by always being there you are hoping he'll see how wonderful you are and realise he's made a mistake. I don't think guys work like that. You have to be not available to find out if he's missing you. He's getting on with his life and you should be too. I know you probably don't feel like it, sometimes you have to fake it til you make it. When you get an urge to need to talk to him, go and do some exercise instead or clean the house until the urge passes. Let's just say he has no intention of getting back together with you, how are you going to feel if he suddenly says he's met someone and she's so great blah blah blah. It will hurt you even more. He hasn't done anything wrong - you broke up and are 'staying friends'. Telling you stuff like that is what friends do. No? So I really think you need to get honest about what you want from him (to yourself I mean, don't tell him) and then do whatever it takes to help YOU. As difficult as it is, no contact gives you dignity and strength. In the past I have asked myself what will happen if there IS contact and it's not positive or what I want to hear - it will hurt me and I'll be starting all over again. Just try it for a day or two at a time and you'll realise you can actually manage it!! You may also find that you not being available will make him start thinking about how much he misses you and that breaking up was a bad idea!!
Author xElle Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Thanks for the advice. It really does make me feel better. I know this sounds bad, but it's nice to know people are going through the same thing. My ex is so confusing. Sometimes we can have a full on conversation and watch a movie together just like before but then we'd have an argument and he'd log off for a day or two. If he's capable of doing that, I should be too. I know I need to move on, but at this point it feels impossible. My body is working against me. It doesn't want me to move on because it feels like I still have a chance. I hate this feeling!
mma_j Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Thanks for the advice. It really does make me feel better. I know this sounds bad, but it's nice to know people are going through the same thing. My ex is so confusing. Sometimes we can have a full on conversation and watch a movie together just like before but then we'd have an argument and he'd log off for a day or two. If he's capable of doing that, I should be too. I know I need to move on, but at this point it feels impossible. My body is working against me. It doesn't want me to move on because it feels like I still have a chance. I hate this feeling! It's a crummy feeling. But you can do it. It takes a lot of time. I'm glad for this place because at least I know I'm not going through this alone.
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