bish Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Hiding financial records will certainly delay the inevitable. If she really wants a divorce, she'll have her attorney legally require you to supply the records to the court. He isn't legally required to supply anything. They are all documents they can subpoeana from the proper agencies. And that will cost her in legal fees. It will rack of the legal bills and you will get divorced months or years later and with complete hatred for each other. Exactly, it will rack legal bills....but not his.
bish Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Ugh! What are you thinking man? Until you two are "legally" seperated (By filing for divorce or legal sep) you are on the hook for half her bills and vice versa. She can go out and buy a new car and half the debt is yours... Yes, and half the car is his too. So, if you make this difficult she could just hire an attorney and have him track down all the required info and send you the bill... It doesn't work that way, the bill for discovery lies with the person that requested it. Now I digress. What I said is just for arguments sake. I don't think he should do any of this at all. Just get the divorce over with and be done with her.
Author Simon Leon Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 Part of me wants to hang onto hope that we can work through this. The other part is starting to move on. The moving on part is slowly getting stronger. It has only been 8 weeks....which isn't very long in the scheme of things. I'm getting to a good place mentally/emotionally. Rational thinking is back and I've had 2 happy days in a row.....so I'm getting some good progress there. She hasn't played any mind games or been unkind in any way....so she hasn't lost my respect. Like I said earlier.....I'm going to play this one by ear
Author Simon Leon Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 I had to laugh the other day. Wife came around in her BMW (well......our BMW) and she's almost living out of the back of her car....and couch surfing at friends house. It's kinda funny seeing a laundry basket full of clothes in the back seat, a pillow, gym clothes, work stuff that would normally be organized in our study. She almost reminded me of a homeless person living out of their car. I'ts been 8 wks living out of her gym bag. It dosn't look like she's living it up at all.
sharebear823 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I don't understand you at all. Why do you keep refusing to accept any responsibility for your part? Why do you think it's funny that she would rather appear "homeless" and "couch surf" out of her (oops..."I mean our"...ha! ha!) BMW than be with you??? I don't get it at all. You say you love this woman more than anything, yet you won't try to fix your depression. You keep skirting the issue of your loss of sex drive, which was a major reason why she left. Why are some men so afraid to get help for their problems? Would you rather walk away yourself than risk exposing your own weaknesses to a counselor and physician who might be able to help? And the result might be that your marriage is saved! Please pardon me if I am missing something, but I don't understand your position at all.
Author Simon Leon Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 It is my intention to not talk to her about the relationship or the seperation at all at this point...as the discussion tends to go cold very quickly and shut down. The vibe is much better if we just hang out and try to have an enjoyable time together. When the time is right (when she initiates the conversation....or it just flows into that subject) I will approach those issues in a manner that I think won't put her on the defencive or create awkwardness. I am working on getting myself back to the way I was a couple of years ago...and I'm sure she will see the difference me. She won't be able to not see it....already commenting on the changes. I needed this to bomb to kick-start my love of life back into gear. My whole attitude to work, play, health, friends etc has changed/improved. This is more what I was like when we first met years ago. It might be to late for us to get together again (although there isn't really any negitive history between us)....but either way..I am feeling a whole lot better about myself now then I was a couple of months ago. Please note: What I post on this site, isn't necessarily the way I really feel. I use this board to vent my current thoughts. If these feelings are not rational..or don't make sense, thats ok...because to me...I'm just venting.
jon01 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Dude, change for YOURSELF to make YOU happy, not to impress others like your wife. She should love you for who you are... fat or slim, rich or poor. Once we need to grasp at straws to keep them from bailing, they aren't worth it anymore.
sharebear823 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Didn't mean to be harsh. It's good that you're making positive changes. I just really feel for your wife in her situation, but I know that you are really struggling, too. I thought it seemed like you were going to give up on trying to work it out, and for all I know, maybe that is the best course of action in your particular situation. I hope you can find a way to work it out. Either way, though, you're right; this board should be used for venting, and you should be able to do so with impunity, so my apologies.
Angel1111 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Didn't mean to be harsh. It's good that you're making positive changes. I just really feel for your wife in her situation, but I know that you are really struggling, too. I thought it seemed like you were going to give up on trying to work it out, and for all I know, maybe that is the best course of action in your particular situation. I hope you can find a way to work it out. Either way, though, you're right; this board should be used for venting, and you should be able to do so with impunity, so my apologies. Huh, I was thinking you were making the most sense of anyone. You weren't being mean-spirited, just giving Simon a kick in the pants. Didn't hurt. Simon, I'm so happy that you're getting this wonderful perspective of life. It sounds like you've let yourself get in a rut in the past and your wife decided to kick you out of it. Can't really blame her. I think the two of you have a greater chance of getting back together than most cases I hear about. Your plan about talking when it feels right or just comes naturally is excellent. Please keep us posted.
Author Simon Leon Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Well... It's finally Thursday.....weeks almost over. I met my wife while I was backpacking through Egypt in 1998. We met at a camping ground in Cairo. I had lost my luggage and he nothing on me but the shirt on my back. I lent a tent from one of the other campers and got eaten by mosguetos on that first night. Amy had pitched a tent beside where I was and offered to help me out in any way she could. My luggage arrived a couple of days later and I finally got to get all my camping gear. I kinda liked the way she acted around me and we started to spend a lot of time together and spent the following 6 weeks traveling aroung Egypt...visiting the pyramids, the sphynx. the museam in Giza....went across to the Red Sea and camped at Salvaga, did snorkeling in the Red sea and climbed up Mt Sinai (where Mosus got the 10 commandments)l....really cool views from up there. After we had traveled down to Luxor where that pharaeos had all been buried (except for Ramses who was burried down at Abul Simbul)...we caught the ferry across to Acaba ...which is in the south of Jorden. We did some scuba diving in Acaba and then went up to the Dead Sea on the Jordanian side. We could see Israil from the dead see...and we went swiming in the dead see mud. It was really salty and filled with minerals. You would float on the surface .The girls we were with complained that their bits (girly bits) were all really stinging because of the very salty dead sea. After staying in Acaba for a couple of days....we headed north to visit the anciant city of Petra. You might recognize this city from the Indian Jones move " Indiniana Jones and the last crusade" where he rode a horses through a canyon and into a city that was carved into the mountains. It is one of the coolest places I've ever seen...and I've seen just about everything. Next ...on to Sryia to visit the olded continually inmabbited city in history....Damascas. Paul from the bible went there in one of his trips. Very cool old archeture. The crusaders left a lot of old castles through this part of the world and if you ever get the chance to vist here...there is a lot of really good crumblies to visit. People are really hospitable and sweet. I will tell more of my story later. Love John Anyway...this was just the first week of meeting my wife Amy. Life has always been a great adventure for us.......WTF happened to us.
Author Simon Leon Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 I don't know if you know your way around the southern hemisphere...but I'm oringially from NZ...which is by Australia. Commonly refered to as "Kiwl's", New Zealanders are honest down to earth blokes...always ready to have a beer, a yarn or a smoke.
Angel1111 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I can always tell when a movie is filmed in NZ because the scenery is breath-taking. Wow, what a great way to spend a first date....and a second....and a..... In Hollywood, they might refer to that as a 'cute meet'. What happened? Probably just everyday life and getting stuck in a rut, and probably her feeling like she was invisible to you.
jon01 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 ....and probably her feeling like she was invisible to you. Yeah, this is what a lot of women always say when they try to explain the actions of a bailing wife. How conveeeeeeenient.
Angel1111 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Yeah, this is what a lot of women always say when they try to explain the actions of a bailing wife. How conveeeeeeenient. I think they would most likely see it as decidedly inconvenient.
Author Simon Leon Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 Well 9 wks since the bomb dropped is up tomorrow. She told me in her e-mail on Monday that she would touch base with me later this week. Well...this week is up tomorrow. I hope she either calls or pops in for a quick visit. 8 days in the longest we've had NC so far...and that was about 2 weeks ago. We went out last Saturday...and exchanged a couple of e-mails on Monday. I'm feeling more relaxed about the situation and am in a much better place. Signed up for 6 wks of Salsa dancing lessons and am planning on taking some Italian cooking classes to help keep me busy. I'm lonely and bored. Crap....I hate this.
Author Simon Leon Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 Some of you might think this is a load of crap ...but. I am a textbook Virgo, with all the textbook Virgo traits (both good and bad). Some of these I tend to take to an extreme. I have always had these behaviour characteristics and I don't know if is possible to change these haviours. For those of you who have been close to any Virgo's, you will know what I mean.
Angel1111 Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Some of you might think this is a load of crap ...but. I am a textbook Virgo, with all the textbook Virgo traits (both good and bad). Some of these I tend to take to an extreme. I have always had these behaviour characteristics and I don't know if is possible to change these haviours. For those of you who have been close to any Virgo's, you will know what I mean. What sign is she? One of my ex's was a Virgo and even though we're supposed to be compatible, he drove me nuts. He was constantly telling me how to do things, with a 'my way or the highway' attitude, couldn't relax or be still for 2 seconds - and didn't want anyone else doing it; if you don't agree with him, he will literally badger you until he gets what he wants or you go away, is the single most self-righteous, arrogant and judgemental person I've ever encountered, and does all this under the veil of being a 'good guy'. My sister refers to him as 'the benevolent manipulator'. I'm really, really hoping that this isn't you...?
Author Simon Leon Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 'the benevolent manipulator'. ....now that's harsh. My big flaw is focussing on something 100% and tend to wear blinders to areas outside of the current area of focus. Once my interest dries up on that area, I will then switch to another area of focus with 100% of my attention. This was a huge benifit with school, work projects, home projects, learning new skill & hobbies......but it comes at the cost of those other areas that tend to be neglected for a period. Keep in mind that these traits are are huge benifit in some situations...but a curse in others. If you want to know more about Virgo's....you just need to google it. Wife is a Scorpio.....she was a great dreamer and very creative...while I am a realist and like to be detail oriented. Once again...these traits are are huge benifit in some situations...but a curse in others.
Angel1111 Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 This was a huge benifit with school, work projects, home projects, learning new skill & hobbies......but it comes at the cost of those other areas that tend to be neglected for a period. Doesn't mean it applies to you, but the 'benevolent manipulator' term is a perfect description of my ex. Neglecting your wife and not having sex with her for a year is a death-sentence. You must know the incredible impact this had on your marriage, and how much it hurt your wife.
Author Simon Leon Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 There is a little misunderstanding there. Over the last year....our sex life really dropped off. We would go for 4-5 at a time without sex...then some weeks it would be back to 3-4 times in a week....then back into the slump. I don't know how other couples do it for decade after decade regulary. I sometimes just don't have the energy for it. I went on a vacation 2 months before the breakup and when I got back, we were like rabbits. I think it was too late by then though. It's the stress and pressure of the daily grind that really saps me. Whenever I manage to get away, my love for life and virality comes back straight away.
Angel1111 Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Oh, I was confused - still am, kinda. Anyway, I hope the two of you are able to re-group. She may take your 100% focus personally, I'm not sure. I think that you should call her instead of waiting on her to call you.
sharebear823 Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Simon, You keep contradicting yourself. And who is John (from an earlier post?) Your whole thread confuses me!
Author Simon Leon Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 I apolagize that my thread is all over the place. Confusing and contridicting....that's exactly how my thought patterns are at the moment. She called at lunchtime and we chatted for about 10 minutes about our week. Very light and friendly. She asked if we could get together for dinner one night this week. I said I would e-mail tomorrow with which night will be best based on my work schedule (I might have to work late a couple of evenings). All in all....that went quite well.
Art_Critic Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Have you retained an attorney ? You need to... Hiding documents form her isn't going to do anything but make you feel better.. When she retains an attorney if there are papers they need they will just subpoena them under the discovery rules.. you will have no choice but to turn them all over. In the end it will cost you more money to do it that way... If you make it harder on her you are also making it harder on yourself.. You also want to be the one in control of the divorce.. Why give her that ? Time to retain counsel and file
Author Simon Leon Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 The documents are now a non-issue. I brought them all home again. It was just a stupid thing to do from the start.
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