jrmcph00 Posted August 2, 2003 Posted August 2, 2003 My wife and I have been very happily married for almost 3 years. We have a 2 year old daughter and have been very happy except recently. About a month ago she had a miscarriage at 5 weeks into the pregnancy. Ever since, she has lost almost all sexual desire and interest in me. She has claimed that the chemical imbalance of hormones associated with the miscarriage has caused the loss of desire. Ironically, around the same time frame after the miscarriage she went out with some friends from work. Among these people is a guy she has recently made friends with. I have met him and he seems harmless. I have always supported her going out as I trust my wife completely. However, she came home later than usual and went out again 2 nights later which is very unusual. Again coming home later than usual. She works later than normal and claims that it is a busy season. All of this has made me question my trust in her. As a result I have had the uncontrollable urge to call her at work or when she is out shopping. This has obviously caused problems in our relationship. She says I am smothering her and that I cannot leave her alone for 5 min. I am realizing that she is right . I feel like I have become the guys she used to laugh about in her previous relationships. Is all of this causing illusions and the true problem started with the miscarriage or are my instincts trying to tell me something? I am afraid that my behavior is causing irreversible damage. Am I being too insecure? And if so, how do fix what I have already damaged.
superd Posted August 2, 2003 Posted August 2, 2003 The guys is harmless in what way? Like he doesn't have a penis? Thats the only thing that would constitute harmless in my eyes. With your cocky and brash macho tough guy attitude, you fail to see that maybe your wife is falling for a more sensitive and mature gentlemen.
Author jrmcph00 Posted August 2, 2003 Author Posted August 2, 2003 I appreciate your reply but I find it hard to believe that you could label a person "brash , cocky and In-mature" just by the information I provided. If I were any of the above I would definitely consider your reply good advise. I can be a little thick sometimes and when something finally comes to me its like a moment of clarity. I have realized that false insecurity and jealousy can be very damaging to any relationship. I guess my question would be what would the best approach to fix the damage I have already caused by smothering her. And how does a person deal with the sudden coldness and emotion that comes with a miscarriage.
niko1999 Posted August 2, 2003 Posted August 2, 2003 As far as fixing the damage done by smothering her, back off. Its the only way she will believe that you trust her again. I think that maybe youre just overanalyzing a little too much. Though I am sure you are great support to her, sometimes a freind is needed(IM sure youre her best freind, but ya know what I mean). Where does your wife work? If she is in retail of ANY sort, than yes, this is the busy season, becuase of back to school and everything. For her staying out later than usual, like I said, sometimes the support of freinds, and being away from an environment is good for a person, both physically and mentally. By her miscarriage, I am sure you both suffered a great loss with that. As far as taht goes, give her time, I am sure she has been depressed, as you probably are as well. That unfortunately, is a wound that will heal with time. Perhaps her un-desire for you is becuase she is subconciously afraid that it was you that cuased the miscarriage(I am not insuing anything in the least bit, please do not feel as that I am), but what I am saying is, she is afraid taht if she gets intimate again, then perhaps she will get pregnant again, and suffere another miscarriage, therefore feeling the pain of loss that is associated with a miscarraige. So be supportive of her, and also at the same time, back off some too, becuase her new found behaivor I am sure, is due to depression cuased by the miscarriage. And just bear with her, time will heal all wounds, and she will come around again.
mirroredmagic Posted August 5, 2003 Posted August 5, 2003 You two have a lot of stress right now, miscarriages were difficult on my wife. It is important that you two talk, maybe take time for yourselves for a weekend if someone can look after your daughter. You must communicate your concerns to your wife, and she must reply but you can not beat your head against a wall over this. Talk to her and post her replies.
dave1971 Posted September 10, 2003 Posted September 10, 2003 sorry to hear about your loss, but let me tell you i went through the exact same thing and it turns out the she did end up having an affair with the guy from work. So i would say no your feeleings are not unjust, you really need to talk with her before anythiig happens, if it hasnt already which hopefully it hasnt it is the worst pain i have ever felt. I suggest some profesional counceling it could save your marriage. miscarriage is a bad thing in more ways then one my wife still hasnt come back to me and i dont think she ever will, the miscarriage is really hard for them and if left alone it will tear them apart, and tear your marriage apart. Good luck i hope it all works out for you two
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