Author lilac23 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 well, it's not something that I can explain properly, but yeah it's a mixture of the emotions you mentioned, although not anger. tbh, I got a bit confused midway through the second paragraph! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 You'll likely need a woman to interpret You'll understand the anger part when you get to make-up sex It's like you're still mad at him, but want him, but want him gone, but *need* him. It's very complex Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilac23 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 You'll likely need a woman to interpret You'll understand the anger part when you get to make-up sex It's like you're still mad at him, but want him, but want him gone, but *need* him. It's very complex I think I get what you mean though, but I wouldn't exactly call it anger . why are you asking all this though? how's it going to help? :s Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 By understanding yourself, you can better relate to others and understand their perspectives better. Virginity is an issue for you or you wouldn't be posting to this thread. I went through a lot of what I'm hearing from you and the answers were found within me, not outside. Oh, also, having a sense of humor about sex helps immensely. Can you sexually banter with a guy in fun and feel comfortable doing that? Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 I didn't understand what Carhill said either, sorry. So, I can't interpret! BUT, I think it still comes down to your basic feelings on the topic, and how much significance you still attach to losing your virginity/sex. If you are currently viewing it as a barrier in your relationships, and a bit of an albatross, and you just want it to be gone, then you can easily lose it to a guy you are casually dating. But, if you are still holding out for some kind of "magic moment", then you will need to wait. But, as far as "magic moments" go, I think more people have less than stellar stories about losing their virginity, than having it be some beautiful, emotional, incredible piece of history. For me, Lilac, I waited to lose it because I saw all my gf's in HS get too screwed up from it. They lost it to guys who didn't care, and they were left in a heap from it. I knew emotionally I wasn't ready to handle the fall-out of being dumped by a guy I lost my virginity to, so I waited until I was a bit older and knew I wouldn't crumble by whatever came next. I always knew I wouldn't wait until marriage, just until I was emotionally ready for it. I ended up losing it to a guy who I was dating in college. He was not a virgin. It was hard even THEN to tell him, at 19, that I was a virgin. At first I could hear the disappointment in his sigh. Then, the next day, he trotted around like he was THE MAN. lol. There was no magic moment for me (in fact, I remember wondering what all the fuss was about! lol. Well, it was my first time, and not exactly gratifying), there were no I love you's and tender times, he was gentle, it was done, and I then felt like I got rid of a burden, and has "crossed over" somehow, to join a larger club. BUT, you really need to be honest with yourself about how much this will all mean to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilac23 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 I didn't understand what Carhill said either, sorry. So, I can't interpret! BUT, I think it still comes down to your basic feelings on the topic, and how much significance you still attach to losing your virginity/sex. If you are currently viewing it as a barrier in your relationships, and a bit of an albatross, and you just want it to be gone, then you can easily lose it to a guy you are casually dating. But, if you are still holding out for some kind of "magic moment", then you will need to wait. But, as far as "magic moments" go, I think more people have less than stellar stories about losing their virginity, than having it be some beautiful, emotional, incredible piece of history. For me, Lilac, I waited to lose it because I saw all my gf's in HS get too screwed up from it. They lost it to guys who didn't care, and they were left in a heap from it. I knew emotionally I wasn't ready to handle the fall-out of being dumped by a guy I lost my virginity to, so I waited until I was a bit older and knew I wouldn't crumble by whatever came next. I always knew I wouldn't wait until marriage, just until I was emotionally ready for it. I ended up losing it to a guy who I was dating in college. He was not a virgin. It was hard even THEN to tell him, at 19, that I was a virgin. At first I could hear the disappointment in his sigh. Then, the next day, he trotted around like he was THE MAN. lol. There was no magic moment for me (in fact, I remember wondering what all the fuss was about! lol. Well, it was my first time, and not exactly gratifying), there were no I love you's and tender times, he was gentle, it was done, and I then felt like I got rid of a burden, and has "crossed over" somehow, to join a larger club. BUT, you really need to be honest with yourself about how much this will all mean to you. Yeah, I know it's not going to be anything 'magical' lol But I'm generally a little conservative in my thinking, largely due to my upbringing, and this is no exception. I'm not saying that I just want to do away with it, but do I really have any option, if you get my point... Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Yeah, I know it's not going to be anything 'magical' lol But I'm generally a little conservative in my thinking, largely due to my upbringing, and this is no exception. I'm not saying that I just want to do away with it, but do I really have any option, if you get my point... Yes, your option is to continue to wait for whatever has prevented you from losing it previously. You're 27 and still a virgin, so obviously there is a big attachment to this for you. Not sure it would be in your best interest to compromise those ideals unless you were REALLY ready. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 The poor misunderstood male What would happen if she talked with a counselor about how she feels? No indignity in that, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilac23 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 I don't think it's needed(not yet anyway). I mean, I basically wanted to know what other people think really. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 OK, sounds good. Tell me, how do you feel about your virginity now? Has your perspective changed as a result of reading this thread and hearing our opinions? If so, in what way? Do you have a date this weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilac23 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 OK, sounds good. Tell me, how do you feel about your virginity now? Has your perspective changed as a result of reading this thread and hearing our opinions? If so, in what way? Do you have a date this weekend? I don't feel anything about it. Yeah, my perspective has changed quite a bit, and I think that I should have made the original post a bit more specific perhaps, because someone had pointed out that although many guys would be ok with the 20-25 range, they wouldn't want to be with a 25+ woman with no experience. (Your question looks like some exam essay writing question:laugh:) yes, do have a date this weekend , but with someone who I haven't been seeing for that long though. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Actually, what I'm doing is what our psychologist does in MC. I was a psych minor in college, so I do have some background. Enjoy your date! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilac23 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 Actually, what I'm doing is what our psychologist does in MC. And what did you find? lol Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 The guys who are looking for a quick thrill etc. won't want to date a virgin, but what loss is that?! Any guy who's sincerely in love with you will be delighted that you're a virgin. No, this is backwards. If I just wanted a quick thrill I wouldn't really care if she were a virgin. It's if I wanted something serious that's when I would be concerned. And that main concern is, what if 6 months, a year, 2 years, whatever.. down the line, after I've developed strong feelings for her, she feels like she's missing out on not having experienced other men. I've seen threads like that on LS before. It's a valid concern. Just because a guy has a preference doesn't make him evil. Why are women so insistent that EVERYTHING is the man's fault? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 No, this is backwards. If I just wanted a quick thrill I wouldn't really care if she were a virgin. It's if I wanted something serious that's when I would be concerned. And that main concern is, what if 6 months, a year, 2 years, whatever.. down the line, after I've developed strong feelings for her, she feels like she's missing out on not having experienced other men. I've seen threads like that on LS before. It's a valid concern. Just because a guy has a preference doesn't make him evil. Why are women so insistent that EVERYTHING is the man's fault? Because most guys make the rules... getting blamed is only expected. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilac23 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 No, this is backwards. If I just wanted a quick thrill I wouldn't really care if she were a virgin. It's if I wanted something serious that's when I would be concerned. And that main concern is, what if 6 months, a year, 2 years, whatever.. down the line, after I've developed strong feelings for her, she feels like she's missing out on not having experienced other men. I've seen threads like that on LS before. It's a valid concern. It's ok to have a preference obviously, but even a woman with experience might want to be with other men. I know a couple of other women who waited into their early 20s, and they are both with the same guys and have had no such thoughts. It can happen, butit is not something that is very likely to happen Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Because most guys make the rules... getting blamed is only expected. Really? Sweet. Okay, new rule: All female LS'ers must have a topless avatar pic. Go. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 It's ok to have a preference obviously, but even a woman with experience might want to be with other men. Yes, but a woman with experience already knows what it's like to be with other men. A woman who has only been with one man doesn't. Big difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilac23 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 Yes, but a woman with experience already knows what it's like to be with other men. A woman who has only been with one man doesn't. Big difference. there is, I'm just saying that I don't think it's that likely to happen. The ones I know were the ones who waited because they preferred being with one man. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Really? Sweet. Okay, new rule: All female LS'ers must have a topless avatar pic. Go. Sorry I think you must have misunderstood me... Most guys (think) they make the rules... Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Sorry I think you must have misunderstood me... Most guys (think) they make the rules... More putting the blame on men. Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 I would have thought that most men would go on personality and how attracted they are to the woman, not dump her because she's not had sex:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 I would have thought that most men would go on personality and how attracted they are to the woman, not dump her because she's not had sex:confused: Most guys also cheat on their SO if they're not getting sex... See the similarity? Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Most guys also cheat on their SO if they're not getting sex... See the similarity? well ok. it's just quite nasty, both the things. Link to post Share on other sites
christian6 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 I would have thought that most men would go on personality and how attracted they are to the woman, not dump her because she's not had sex:confused: really depends on the guy; how can you generalize? Link to post Share on other sites
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