AAlike Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 There is certainly not a universal maxim either way about this. In fact, I think some guys would really get a kick out of deflowering their girlfriends, like an empowerment thing. I have a friend that married a girl from Iran, and he never fails to point out that his wife was a virgin when they met (even in conversations that completely don't merit his pointing that out - in fact he's known as the creepy "too much information" guy within our social circle). He looks at it as some big merit badge that he was the first and only person to sleep with her. This is a very silly method of thinking (and probably rooted in some inherent sexism), but I'm sure that they're are plenty of guys that think that way. I would think that guys who view this as a negative would be concerned that you are a potential "prude" or that you are overly religious or reserved. I would figure if you assure them that this is not the case, it would not be a problem.
Crazy.S Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 You would rather have sex with someone who had multiple partners and possibly have multiple STD's?
jadedone Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 You would rather have sex with someone who had multiple partners and possibly have multiple STD's? I'd rather have safe sex than not have sex.
Author lilac23 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 BTW, I don't mean waiting till marriage.
Kristine Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 You're only going to be a virgin once, so what are worried about? You'll eventually meet a guy who will sleep with you. Are you wanting to lose your virginity? Some guys would love to bag a virgin.
backto1 Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I wish I knew where to find all these virgins! I wouldn't mind at all as long as she was waiting for a good reason and not waiting because she's frigid or has a bunch of large growths.
trubella Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 i dont know about it being a turn off for guys, but i can see how it would be from my experience. i've dated a 26yr old virgin before whose waiting until marriage. that was hell.. he was a nice guy, religious type- youth pastor for his church/ worked with kids at an outreach center. but the no sex thing became an issue for me. we would find ourselves getting heated, kissing, touching, then he would stop. which i understand hes saving himself, but that was frustrating on my end.
Sks Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Its a huge +, I would much rather be a with a girl who hasn't slept with a bunch of guys then one that has.
Keridan Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I have seriously dated an older virgin. I have also been with a couple other virgins. The only difference is usually that it takes longer for them to warm up to a new experience. No harm in that.
Author lilac23 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 it's easier for a woman who's a virgin than for a man, judging from the posts on here.
anecdote Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 it's easier for a woman who's a virgin than for a man, judging from the posts on here. I'm male, a virgin and young, so I can relate to your comment but I don't care if a woman will or won't date me because I am a virgin. i'd rather be liked for who i am and instead of being judged based on sexual experience.
Lovelybird Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I'm male, a virgin and young, so I can relate to your comment but I don't care if a woman will or won't date me because I am a virgin. i'd rather be liked for who i am and instead of being judged based on sexual experience. strong attitude. Well, a lot of guys I know tell me that they personally would never sleep with a 20+ year old virgin... In old times if you are 20 years old, and not a virgin, people would say you are a slut, nowadays, if you are 20 y/o and is a virgin, they would say you are rigid. maybe they think "the more number the more cool", what is cool about that? those guys don't think about your future, but you are the one who build up your future One day when you find a man who love you so much, and you love him so much, will he be proud that you have many numbers? or will he be proud that you are strong enough to wait for him, and not influenced by what peers do? The peer pressure is large, but if you can resist, later you will be happy. If a man merely judge you by your experience about sex, then he really doesn't love you, or doesn't know what is love. If you are in a committed relationship (marriage), even if you aren't an expert in sex, you two can explore each other, and learn, and become an expert with him. that is about love, in a environment of acceptance and commitment. why put your bright future to risk just because what others say about you? If you follow the trend, not your heart or what you believe, you will find yourself become weaker or emptier
Lovelybird Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I'm kind of surprised I'm the first guy in this thread to say this but I wouldn't want to date a virgin. I'd have two main concerns: 1. She might end up like that "stage 5 clinger" girl in Wedding Crashers once she did lose her virginity. 2. Further along into the relationship she might wonder what it's like to be with other men. I'd rather she get a little experience under her belt beforehand. If I were in my early 20's I'd probably be happy to date a virgin but at this point in life I'd rather date a woman who knows what she's doing in the bedroom. why is that, Tan? because of your love for porn?
Author lilac23 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 strong attitude. In old times if you are 20 years old, and not a virgin, people would say you are a slut, nowadays, if you are 20 y/o and is a virgin, they would say you are rigid. maybe they think "the more number the more cool", what is cool about that? those guys don't think about your future, but you are the one who build up your future If a man merely judge you by your experience about sex, then he really doesn't love you, or doesn't know what is love. well, a lot of guys do that
anecdote Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 well, a lot of guys do that They do. As do a lot of women. But not all men and women are so judgemental. You just need to weed through the men with narrow-minds to find a man who isn't narrow-minded.
Lovelybird Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 we don't want lots of guys who don't even really care about us, we just want ONE guy who knows how to appreciate diamond superfical popularity earned by numbers really doesn't worth the pain and drama it reaps later on
Nevermind Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 My first time happened when I was 23. I didn't tell my boyfriend, and that was a good decision. Later we went to eat something and he said that at the beginning he thought it could have been my first time (I was a bit awkward) and how terrified and shocked he was at that thought. Later, I told him that it was indeed my first time and he was completely smitten and felt awesome about it. Made remarks a la, "you will never forget me, I was your first" etc. What I learned from this: he didn't want to go through the "stress" of being the first. He didn't want to be bothered with it, and he didn't want to hurt me. So he was glad I never made a big thing out of it. Yet, the thought of being with a girl, who unlike him, had not had a big sexual past was a big turn on for him. No competition, no comparison etc. I wouldn't make too big a deal out of it, honestly. It never turned up in our talks prior to the first time, and I always managed to keep him cool enough to never be pushed were I wasn't ready to go. As long as you are yourself, and proud about it, it will be fine.
anecdote Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 your boyfriend sounds like a jerk. it's sex, not rocket science. He must be pretty insecure, if he is worried about comparison's and being 'remembered'.
Nevermind Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Yeah. He is my ex. However, my first time was about me, I was ready, and it was good. No need for drama. That's why I didn't tell him before the act. *shrug*
Author lilac23 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 My first time happened when I was 23. I didn't tell my boyfriend, and that was a good decision. Later we went to eat something and he said that at the beginning he thought it could have been my first time (I was a bit awkward) and how terrified and shocked he was at that thought. Later, I told him that it was indeed my first time and he was completely smitten and felt awesome about it. Made remarks a la, "you will never forget me, I was your first" etc. What I learned from this: he didn't want to go through the "stress" of being the first. He didn't want to be bothered with it, and he didn't want to hurt me. So he was glad I never made a big thing out of it. Yet, the thought of being with a girl, who unlike him, had not had a big sexual past was a big turn on for him. No competition, no comparison etc. You say he was terrified yet flattered later?! Anyway, I've never made a big deal about it or brought it up on my own, b but most of the guys themselves ask me questions like, "When was the last time you had sex?", etc. And when I tell them, they get put off.
anecdote Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 From what I heard, British men aren't the most endearing of men. Is this bothering you a lot, Lilac? I get the impression; it bothers you greatly, am I wrong?
Author lilac23 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 From what I heard, British men aren't the most endearing of men. Is this bothering you a lot, Lilac? I get the impression; it bothers you greatly, am I wrong? At the moment, yes, but that's because something like I mentioned in my previous post happened 3-4 days ago, lol. And I'm not too sure what to say about British men!
anecdote Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I wouldn't worry about it, everybody has worries about being a Virgin, my most recent one was when the film, the 40 year old Virgin was released. I was worried that I could end up being the 70 year old Virgin and therefore breaking some record and being placed in the Guinness Book of World Records.
MaxManwell Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Does being a virgin who is 20+, turn off guys? Its not relevant. So long as you have a vagina and a nice body its good to go. We don't care, we care about women not the things that the woman is about.
Nevermind Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 You say he was terrified yet flattered later?! Yupp. Think about it: there is so much to take into consideration for the first time, but it's also flattering to know you're special to someone. I'd guess many guys feel this way.
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