amymarieca Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Hello everyone. I have been single for a while now since my last break up and have been dating around quite frequently. Some of these men I have met in person and some of them online. I would say I have been out on dates with about 10 different men in the last few months. I am having a problem because 9 out of 10 of these men have all tried to sleep with me after the first date.That seems like a really odd and high number to me. It goes from a good night kiss (if I like them), to them trying to push it further. Only one guy was the total package and a perfect gentleman, but I never heard back from him! Can someone give me some insight on this? Is there some sort of signal that I am giving that I supposedly want this? Should I avoid kissing on the first date? Is this really just a common thing and I am naive to it? I would be particularly interested in hearing a male point of view.
bigmanpayne Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 are you talking to them, getting to know them before going out with them? how long are you talking to them before meeting them. sometimes meeting too fast makes a guy believe that it is a hook up, or that you are so desperate that you will have sex with them right away.
Trialbyfire Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Is there a demographic commonality to all these men? Age, type, or something?
woods321 Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Well they are men, lol..Thats why. Some men fake it better than others. Women refer to them as "gentleman" lol
Author amymarieca Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 are you talking to them, getting to know them before going out with them? how long are you talking to them before meeting them. sometimes meeting too fast makes a guy believe that it is a hook up, or that you are so desperate that you will have sex with them right away. I don't really spend hours talking on the phone or chatting with them, no. I like to see if I have chemistry with the person in real life, so I will go on a date with them fairly soon. I guess I never considered the fact that that would make me look easy though. Thanks for the tip.
Author amymarieca Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 Is there a demographic commonality to all these men? Age, type, or something? Not really anything similar that I can think of. That's why I am confused!
bigmanpayne Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I don't really spend hours talking on the phone or chatting with them, no. I like to see if I have chemistry with the person in real life, so I will go on a date with them fairly soon. I guess I never considered the fact that that would make me look easy though. Thanks for the tip. i have been on online dating sites. if they are willing to talk to you for a while before meeting them, they are probably worth it. and people will think you are easy if you want to meet quickly, unfair but true - that's what i would think. try talking more first, your problems will them be solved.
J2FT1 Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Well they are men, lol..Thats why. Some men fake it better than others. Women refer to them as "gentleman" lol QFT
2sunny Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 QFT what does QFT mean? anyway OP - men will most always try to see what you will allow from them. it is up to you to establish your boundaries and let them know what they are. no one else can tell you what your boundaries should consist of. you will know what they are by acknowledging your own comfort zone.
J2FT1 Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 what does QFT mean? anyway OP - men will most always try to see what you will allow from them. it is up to you to establish your boundaries and let them know what they are. no one else can tell you what your boundaries should consist of. you will know what they are by acknowledging your own comfort zone. In internet lingo it means "quoted for truth."
johan Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 If I thought you had nice legs, I would want the same thing. Just being honest. Doesn't mean I'd actually try though. Tact is important. I always thought QFT stood for "Quit F*cking Talking".
2sunny Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I always thought QFT stood for "Quit F*cking Talking". :lmao:
Lovelybird Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 For "vanity" reasons. If they try to do that, then dismiss them and never meet them again. maybe all those are frogs, not meant to be
carhill Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 OP, if you're random dating, figure one out of 100 will have the goods you're looking for. Personal introductions from trusted friends or family members can increase the probability of success somewhat, but it's no panacea. I've noted that some women send out a subconscious sexual signal. It has nothing to do with their appearance or demeanor. Most likely it has to do with their psychological background. I don't know if this is applicable to you. I do know that, if I was interested in a woman who was sending out those signals all the time, I'd likely pass, as the drama of her fending off advances from other men all the time, even after married, would become tiresome. Perhaps, if he was otherwise interested, that's what happened with your one "gentleman". He had seen those signs before and didn't want the burden. For a man, feelings of sexual desire are natural. Behaviors he can mold and control. His ability to balance his id and his moral center define him. You will meet a man someday who has a balance compatible with your own. Your job is to recognize that truth. Back in the day, I had exactly the opposite problem, in that I was not aggressive enough sexually quickly, and women found this to be a turn-off. It was OK for them to say "no" or push away, but the approach , to them, indicated romantic interest and desire and the lack of obvious "hitting on" them perhaps indicated to them that my interest was low, when in fact I was desiring to get to know them better to allow my desire to grow over time. I now know that this was an erroneous approach. Again, balance. My moral center overshadowed my id and I was not compatible with the women I met, balance-wise. My wife approached dating differently and we got to know each other over time and desire grew mutually and balance was more compatible. Well, that's one old fart's opinion
FormerNiceGuy Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I'm going to take the guy's perspective on this..and say what most guys want to say, but are holding back thier tongues. You might just be really, really attractive. (hot) No need to hate on a guy for trying. I doubt you'd have the same result if you were below-average or average in looks. From the post you mentioned, you are hooking up with these guys..or rather they are hooking up with you without building much rapport, which implies that the attraction is physical.
Prodigal Princess Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 stop dating horndogs Yes. Become a lesbian.
Balthazar Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I'm going to take the guy's perspective on this..and say what most guys want to say, but are holding back thier tongues. You might just be really, really attractive. (hot) So , every guy is chasing amy, eh? If you have a nice rack, shapely legs and a pretty face, almost every dude will want to hook up with you. It's not rocket science Amy!
Woggle Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Why else do men go on dates? If we don't get to score what is the point?
nicki Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Yeah, good points! I'll add that maybe you also have a lot of sexuality and guys are picking up (jumping on!) that. This has happened a lot to me. I finally asked one of the guys if it was something I was doing something without realizing it. I thought maybe I was acting like an embarrasing horn dog myself. It really upset me and shook my sense of self. He said I was very attractive and "oozed sexuality, and he couldn't help but respond to it." Yikes, "oozed?" He went on to say that everything I did was sexy, including the way I walk, eat, and simply sit there looking at him....hmmm, don't know about that, but I do love sex and wonder if I WAS putting some kind of energy out there too early. Anyway, I have learned to steer away from ANY sexual talk on the first date. A lot of guys try to joke with me in sexual way, and I now I just smile and change the subject. I get them back on the page of getting to know each other on another level. I prefer some genuine conversation first about who we are. I'd rather surprise a guy later in bed with my wanton lust! So, maybe watch the flirting or sexual innuendo if there is any of that going on. A little goes a long way with a guy who is already very interested. You may even think you are being subtle, and you are, but it is driving the guys crazy!
nicki Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Oh, and if a guy keeps trying to get you into the bed too soon, and you are giving him the NO signals, he is trying to control you. Lose a guy like this. I don't mind a guy showing his interest or even trying to get physical, but as another poster said, it's about tact and respect.
imbewildered Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I am having a problem because 9 out of 10 of these men have all tried to sleep with me after the first date. Perhaps you need to regard this as a compliment, if it is true. Then again it may be wishful thinking on your part.
JohnnyBlaze Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Amy, where do you usually go on Date One? What do you do? What do you wear? It seems weird that all the 'pervs' would push the matter while the one gentleman didn't call back. Of course, it could just be that you're too darn sexy. So , every guy is chasing amy, eh? Very nicely done! And on topic, too! You get bonus points for that.
Author amymarieca Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 Amy, where do you usually go on Date One? What do you do? What do you wear? It seems weird that all the 'pervs' would push the matter while the one gentleman didn't call back. Of course, it could just be that you're too darn sexy. Very nicely done! And on topic, too! You get bonus points for that. Usually on date one I would go for drinks or coffee. It includes getting to know the person and seeing if there is chemistry. It may be preceded by something else like a walk or movie if I really like the person. Usually I would wear a nice semi-conservative outfit. I never wear anything like short skirts or extremely low-cut tops. I would say my style is classy. I am well blessed in the "rack" area so sometimes it is hard to find tops that don't show a little cleavage. I wouldn't say I am busting out of my top or anything. Many of you are saying that maybe I am just sexy! Ha ha! That is too funny. Well, I am not ugly, but I am no Cindy Crawford either. I like to think that my self-confidence shows and that I carry myself well. Could that have something to do with it? I liked the comment about subconsciously being sexual. I will admit that I am a person with a very high sex drive, but I would never ever say that on a first date. Maybe it is in my actions though that give it away. It would be interesting to go on a date and know exactly what it is I am doing that makes me seem sexual. Thanks for all the comments so far. They are great! I feel better now.
Keridan Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 How come nobody has asked the obvious question? What kinda pants are they?
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