MNWILD Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Hi Everyone, I have been married for almost 18 years and back in April i was living in my van for a month and a half because my wife said she needed her space. i kept trying to get back with her i would bring over flowers and cards and nothing mattered but i stuck it out because i had no idea she was cheating on me. My brother told me to trust him that she was cheating but i wouldn't believe him because i never thought she would do that. i know i would have never done that to her. My wife has an extensive criminal record with multiple felonies and has been arrested many times but i would always stand by her. I am not blaming everything on her because for the last five years i haven't been the best husband and father. I have no criminal record but the last 5 years i have been depressed and not as close as i should of been to her and the kids. First of all i'm 41 and my wife is 36. We have 3 kids together two boys one that is 17 and one that is 15 and also a daughter that is 10. I found out she was cheating because one night my oldest son calls me and tells me that there is an emergency and i need to come over because my wife was arrested for some theft charge. I get over to my wifes house and she is talking to my son on the phone and want's me to bail her out of jail. My son tells her that see dad is standing by you and he will bail you out. She told him she was thankful and then they got off the phone. My son saw my wifes cell phone and found dirty text messages going on between my wife and this 55 year old man who was married. My wife calls back and my son mentioned this to her and she told him she didn't want to talk about it until i bailed her out of jail and i told her that i was not going to bail her out of jail because she tore this family apart. I have seen this guy and he is gray fat and disgusting. The guys wife found out about the affair and the guy broke it off with my wife. In the meantime my two boys are staying at a friends house until i get a place of my own. I am staying at my brother inlaws right now. She kicked my two minor children out because they were upset that she was having the affair. How horrible!!! My oldest son went back to the house to get his things and he was trying to get his laptop and my wife took it away so he grabbed her cell phone and told his mom i have your cell phone and said to his mom are there more dirty text messages on the phone? My wife then bit my sons arm and then called the police and my son was charged with 5th degree assault. How could she do that to our son when all he was doing was trying to get his things? So now my son has to go to court on july 28th which happens to be my younger sons birthday. She also took my sons car and had it impounded. She also put a restraining order on my 17 year old. I went over to her house with the sherrif to get some of his things and my wife came out with a bag of 3 pairs of socks which were mismatched and told the sherrif that's all the belongings he has!! And now she has a different man living with her within a three week period that has a worse criminal record than she has. I am so scared for my daughter and i'm trying to get my own place so i can fight for custody. She won't even let me see her!! I'm done ranting and raving for now. Thank you for listening. MNWILD
Billy Bob Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Dump the deadwood. You need to file for legal seperation or divorce immediately. Cancel all joint financial accounts. Go for full custody of all your kids. Make sure you are the one to file first. I feel for you man. Get out of this marriage and as far away from her as you can! I think with her criminal record you might be able to get full custody of all your kids.
2sunny Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Is my wife crazy??? dunno... but drugs or alcohol come to mind...
Owl Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Can you legally take back possession of the house and get HER evicted? Seriously...she's got a HUGE criminal record, she threw out your minor children...I'd go to a judge, explain to him the entire situation, and ask for assistance so that YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN can move back in and have a roof over your heads. This is ridiculous. Move back in...move the kids back in...let her leave if she wants her space. Your kids COME FIRST.
Author MNWILD Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 She is renting the house and has to be out at the end of the month and i'm not on the lease but her new man which is her second partner within 3 weeks is staying there. I was laid off from my job and am trying to find work. Do you think legal aid would help me file for divorce because i can't afford it right now. In the meantime i'm staying at my brother inlaws. She does this crap to the family and it seems like everything is going her way!!
Owl Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Well, fighting for possession of someplace that's going to be gone in less than two weeks is pointless. Start journaling EVERYTHING. All of this interaction with her, all the stuff she pulls...get a journal, mark down dates and times of all of this, and keep it up to date going forward. This can help tons when it comes to the divorce and/or custody issues. As far as legal aid...honestly, I have no idea. Bluntly, I'd be worried...given all of this, its entirely possible that your kids could end up in foster care, since NEITHER of you actually have physical custody of them right now. Nor does it sound as though either of you have the physical means to support them. Get HOT on the job front...ANYTHING that shows forward progress in being able to provide a stable environment for them is going to be huge. And frankly...be glad that the dead weight of your wife is being removed from your life...change your focus on to your kids and yourself at this point. Get a gameplan for giving them a safe, stable place...and work that gameplan. Make sense?
Author MNWILD Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 luvmy2ns Thank You!! I live in Shakopee MN
Author MNWILD Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Will wife ever regret what she has done to this family?? The guy she is living with has a worse criminal record than here with a lot of violence and i think he might eventually beat her. What is sad is i still love her!!
Author MNWILD Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Can someone tell me if she will ever feel guilty?? I still love her!!
LostHusband Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 You shouldn't be concerned whether she will ever feel guilty. Just concern yourself with you and your kids. She might feel guilty, but from what you have told us about her, it sounds like she doesn't have much of a conscience at all, so probably won't ever feel guilt - maybe when she is old and alone...
sumdude Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Can someone tell me if she will ever feel guilty?? I still love her!! No one will ever know but her and whatever greater power there may be in the universe. As far as loving her... this may be hard to believe but the reality is you're addicted to her and the relationship. Her actions are far far from anything resembling love. Right now you just have to think with your head as much as possible. Take the time you'll need to grieve the loss of the relationship because honestly .. there should be no way in hell you could let this woman back into your life. You thinking brain knows this.. it will take a while for your heart and emotional brian to catch up. One day down the road you'll look back and see things and her the way they really are. Right now you must protect yourself and the kids. Find help wherever you can. Friends, family, legal aide, look up local and state services. Do you have any family nearby who can house the kids with you there? Get busy finding solutions and be prepared for her to go on an all out offensive because she does sound unstable or simply unethical enough to pull anything. And no... it's not your responsibity to 'fix' her or help her anymore. She's made it pretty clear she doesn't want to be fixed or helped by you so leave her to her own devices. It her bed to sleep in and you must focus completely on yourself and children. She's not your problem anymore other than being your adversary for the upcoming legal and emotional conflict . You need to be ten steps ahead of her and as calm, cool and collected as possuible in any dealings with her.
Author MNWILD Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 Thank You!! Even though i still love her i haven't contacted her at all. I know that she has contacted my youngest son through a text message telling him that she was so sorry for hurting him and that she loves him so much but he just ignored her because he hates her for what she has done.
Author MNWILD Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 The man she is seeing is married but going through a divorce. What are the odds of my wife staying with this man? Does it usually work out for the cheaters?
SingleDad Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I think I've read that an affair that leads to a relationship lasting longer than 2 years is less than 25%
Author MNWILD Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Now i come to find out that the new guy she is living with has felonys also that have violence. I turned her in to the police because i don't think two felons can live together. What a horrible woman!!
ChrisJ86 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Many of the problems you may be facing could be just the tip of the iceberg on what is really happening in your marriage. I don't mean to scare you, but many problems, when they either first show up or if they keep reoccurring could be just what's showing from a larger problem that neither you nor your spouse can even see. One of the only things you can do to help is to talk honestly and openly with each other in the marriage. If things become more serious, more serious options need to be looked at as possibilities. I have a blog that has more information on some of what I've been writing about. If you feel like checking it out, I would completely suggest it. http://online-marriagecounseling.blogspot.com/ Love is a choice that is made every day when you wake up and every night when you go to sleep. Some days you may not feel the original feeling, but love isn't a feeling or emotion. It is an action, a verb. Falling out of love may just mean that you need to spice things up a little, or that you were never in love in the first place. Don't get out of a marriage just because you don't think you like the person anymore.
Author MNWILD Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Chris, I just think she doesn't care anymore and there is no possible way to save my marriage. If you read my original post you would understand. To me having multiple affairs within a 3 week period is just GROSS!
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Good for you MN. It's about time you took the hardline with her. protect those children at all costs and get her for child support make sure them wages are garnished!!! She bit your kid? put a restraining order on him?? wTF I never heard of anything more crazy!
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