Creep or gentleman?

[KinAZ]

Nobody is speaking of rape.

 

Obviously rapists should be in prison for life, and then be dealt with harshly once there.

 

We are speaking of women who put themselves in precarious positions, then label the man a "creep" for making a move or 2.

 

A. I wouldn't go to a womans home whom I would not want to fool around with, knowing she most likely wants to.

 

B. If I did go anyway, and she tried, I would leave. At that point she is not "creepy" as she did something normal. Initiate physical contact with a man at her home.

 

C. If I stayed and she tried again, at that point it is my fault. I wouldn't label her creepy for having urges while seeing this good looking man right next to her.

 

Or should I just stay as long as I want in her home and call her creepy?

 

If I tell you no, understanding "I'm into this guy but I'm not trying to fool around with him at the moment." I might stay EXPECTING that you're a gentleman, understand the meaning of the word no, and still want to spend time with me even though I'm not looking to do anything sexual at that time.

 

If you kept trying, I would leave and I would still call you a creepy jerk for not having respect for my feelings.

 

When my female friends come over they don't expect me to make a move on them, nor should any male friends. And in the case of a date, while there may be a possibility, there should be no assumptions made that this is what WILL happen.

 

I'm curious as to why you've made this thread. I'm just getting a feeling that you're trying to validate your own actions instead of having an open dialog. You're telling women what you think, and women are telling you what we think. Now, in the future, you will know... and if you keep trying in the future, knowing that many would still call you a creep, you're making that choice with an UNDERSTANDING of how some women feel about it. Your disagreement doesn't change the way things are, any more than it changes that fact that some men will still try to paw at us.

 

By a certain age, most women know that there is a possibility that a man will try something if she goes to his home, and most of them hope that he will be respectful when she politely rejects certain advances. And yes, a gentleman always respects a lady's feelings.

 

It really isn't that complicated.

[woods321]

If I tell you no, understanding "I'm into this guy but I'm not trying to fool around with him at the moment." I might stay EXPECTING that you're a gentleman, understand the meaning of the word no, and still want to spend time with me even though I'm not looking to do anything sexual at that time.

 

If you kept trying, I would leave and I would still call you a creepy jerk for not having respect for my feelings.

 

When my female friends come over they don't expect me to make a move on them, nor should any male friends. And in the case of a date, while there may be a possibility, there should be no assumptions made that this is what WILL happen.

 

I'm curious as to why you've made this thread. I'm just getting a feeling that you're trying to validate your own actions instead of having an open dialog. You're telling women what you think, and women are telling you what we think. Now, in the future, you will know... and if you keep trying in the future, knowing that many would still call you a creep, you're making that choice with an UNDERSTANDING of how some women feel about it. Your disagreement doesn't change the way things are, any more than it changes that fact that some men will still try to paw at us.

 

By a certain age, most women know that there is a possibility that a man will try something if she goes to his home, and most of them hope that he will be respectful when she politely rejects certain advances. And yes, a gentleman always respects a lady's feelings.

 

It really isn't that complicated.

 

LOL

 

Where is the logic..

 

You go to a mans home KNOWING he will make advances, but still go so you can reject him, lol.

 

Why on EARTH do you need to be at his home?

[KinAZ]

LOL

 

Where is the logic..

 

You go to a mans home KNOWING he will make advances, but still go so you can reject him, lol.

 

Why on EARTH do you need to be at his home?

 

Has every man made a pass at me just because I was at his home?

 

NO!

 

Sitting closer than normal, usually. Arm around my shoulder, maybe. Go for a good night kiss, more than likely, BUT NO... IT'S NOT TYPICAL FOR A GUY TO CLIMB ALL OVER ME. If it were, I'd never go!

 

OBVIOUSLY my experiences with men have been different. Obviously, gentlemen do exist in the world. So, no... I don't go "knowing he will" make advances. I go knowing that he may, and hoping that he's intelligent enough to behave reasonably.

 

LOL, and I don't understand what you don't understand about that. In any case, now you know...

[Trialbyfire]

Has every man made a pass at me just because I was at his home?

 

NO!

 

Sitting closer than normal, usually. Arm around my shoulder, maybe. Go for a good night kiss, more than likely, BUT NO... IT'S NOT TYPICAL FOR A GUY TO CLIMB ALL OVER ME. If it were, I'd never go!

 

OBVIOUSLY my experiences with men have been different. Obviously, gentlemen do exist in the world. So, no... I don't go "knowing he will" make advances. I go knowing that he may, and hoping that he's intelligent enough to behave reasonably.

 

LOL, and I don't understand what you don't understand about that. In any case, now you know...

BonesWoods isn't interested in understanding and listening. He's convinced that his way is the only way women should act. It's always a woman's fault.

[woods321]

You still didn't answer why the NEED to be at HIS home.

 

He is ashamed to be in public with you?

 

He is too cheap to take you out?

 

You just want to be couch buddies?

 

Him not making a move doesn't make him a gentleman. He might not be that attracted to you. He might have played with himself right before you got there. He might think of you more as a friend. I can go on and on..

[KinAZ]

You still didn't answer why the NEED to be at HIS home.

 

He is ashamed to be in public with you?

 

He is too cheap to take you out?

 

You just want to be couch buddies?

 

Him not making a move doesn't make him a gentleman. He might not be that attracted to you. He might have played with himself right before you got there. He might think of you more as a friend. I can go on and on..

 

There's no need... and as I've gone over in the other thread... Sometimes it is a financial reason. We've gone out a number of times, spent a bit of money... stay in one night because it's cheaper.

 

But again... intimacy does not equal sexual contact! Look it up.

 

I may want to have an intimate evening with a man, but that doesn't mean I want him groping me. I might want to cuddle, or might not mind it. It may be because I don't mind being in a closer situation with him. JUST because I want to be close to you doesn't mean I want to have sex with you.

 

Sometimes, we wanted to see one another but NEITHER of us felt like going out. Being around a house is just more comfortable. I could go on and on about reasons why.

 

You could go on and theorize about why, in an attempt to defend your own creepy behavior, but considering that I was in those situations... and on dates... I think I know how they all turned out. As I was there, and the one who was involved in those situations.

 

And as I said before, some guys were creeps, as you say that most men are, others... sat a little closer, usually went for a kiss at least by the end of the evening. Arm around me, snuggled up, flirtatious touch, etc it varied.

 

The pigs who didn't keep their hands to themselves after being shot down, honestly... THOSE are the ones who I say "weren't that into me" because if they were, they wouldn't have tried to treat me in such a way. Or, they simply didn't understand what separates the girls from the women...

[Star Gazer]

Sometimes I just feel it in my bones and know for certain that a guy is a creep, particularly when he's trying to lure me into the woods.

[GPFan]

In summary, in my opinion, how you are treated by the opposite sex depends LARGELY on how you carry and present yourself. The same man you called a creep will be another womans prince.

On its face, this is true. However how well do you know yourself? If you know yourself well enough, then you won't be concerned about being perceived as a creep no matter who says what.

[Balthazar]

I understand the logic of what you are saying Woods, but a man is better off just sticking to his standards regardless of a woman's behavior.

 

However, there are bounds to everything.

 

For example, if a woman is clearly being prideful or selfish on a date, there is no reason for that man to continue being chivalrous.

What he should do is treat her with a measure of indifference and clearly show her(in his way) that her stance is not appreciated.

Then he simply never dates her again.

 

Do you foot the bill at the end of a particularly bad date?

Unfortunately, you should(especially on a first date).

 

Do you pull a Mr.Hyde on her and start treating her like a 'ho?

No.

 

So yes, a woman's behavior should definitely affect his responses, but should never dilute his personality to the point of becoming someone he isn't.

 

As for being "creepy", all guys should keep in mind that these terms often mean very little.

 

If a woman is into a guy, she will justify a lot of "creepy" behavior as being "charming" or "adorable in an eccentric way".

 

If she not into him, he could be opening a door for her and she is thinking, "wow! that is creepy! this guy is needy" and uses that quaint expression they throw around every so often, the "red flag".

 

That's relationships in the 21st century for you....

 

 

CHeers,