kizik Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Have you said these things immediately after a breakup? "I always want you in my life. I always want to be your friend. I'll always care about you. I'll always love you. If anything ever happened to you, I don't know what I'd do. There will always be a special place for you in my heart." I've said these things. And here's how I feel, 2 months after saying them: NOT!!! I don't care about you, I don't want to KNOW you. I don't love you anymore and you have no place in my heart. I'm trying to get you out of my mind - it is difficult - but when I do, I will f*cking celebrate because YOU SUCK and you have NOTHING to offer me! You ran away when times got tough, you never pulled your weight in the R; you are a sh*tty person!
ioncebelieved Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 ME! ME! ME!! Now I feel like a straight sucker for putting myself out there like that too.
v33 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 After a break-up? No.... but during a R, yes. So far I've never made good on any of those statements. This time I am not making promises, I am just going to be the best partner I can each and every day.
Author kizik Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 My breakup was under the pretense of being mutual - which I have since thought about and realized, "No, she wasn't willing to work on herself". Anyway, I think the "mutual" aspect allowed us to say these things, since no one was "leaving" the other. Just things you say b/c you don't know how else to proceed. You don't know you will see the light and realize you HATE that person and how they treated you.
Keridan Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I've said those and a few others. I've also had a couple horrible girlfriends in the past who got some very different phrases. I would post them, but I think if I took out the explitives, it would lose it's effect. Honestly, I have tried to keep in contact with most of them, but they usually end up going NC on me, which is probably just as well.
JustinWolf Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 guilty. It's funny how we realise how the person really was once the relationship is over. Or the way we react when we get to the breakup. We usually run after them telling them things we shouldnt be even though the person was an ass all along. I guess that's how things go. Live and learn. Live and learn
Trialbyfire Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I've never said any of those things, hence have never had to recant them. I have said, best wishes, wish you well, all the best. Conceptually it means that while I don't wish you ill, I don't want to leave the door open either.
LikeCharlotte Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Have you said these things immediately after a breakup? Not exactly. If you amend it slightly, some of it; sure. "I want you in my life. I want to be your friend. I care about you." sort of. I don't see anything wrong with that because I meant it. I had no feelings of wanting the relationship back I just wanted us to be on good terms and not waste the time we spent getting to know each other. I don't feel bad about that. Why should I?
Author kizik Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 You don't need to feel bad about it, and I don't feel "bad" about what I said, either. But it quickly became both unrealistic and untrue. I don't want her in my life in any capacity, ever. I didn't know how I was going to feel, and now I look back and feel a bit silly, but not "bad." It's all a learning process, and I'm so glad I can see her now for the LAME, UNTRUSTWORTHY person she is.
foxh1234 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Have you said these things immediately after a breakup? "I always want you in my life. I always want to be your friend. I'll always care about you. I'll always love you. If anything ever happened to you, I don't know what I'd do. There will always be a special place for you in my heart." I've said these things. And here's how I feel, 2 months after saying them: NOT!!! I don't care about you, I don't want to KNOW you. I don't love you anymore and you have no place in my heart. I'm trying to get you out of my mind - it is difficult - but when I do, I will f*cking celebrate because YOU SUCK and you have NOTHING to offer me! You ran away when times got tough, you never pulled your weight in the R; you are a sh*tty person! I have said them all. 1. I don't want you in my life anymore. 2.I don't want to be your friend anymore 3. I will always care for her, even after the things she has done, I can't help it. 4. I will always love her, not in the way I once did, but I will. 5. If she got hurt or was dying, I would be by her side and help her, even after what she did. 6. There will always be a place in my heart for her. 8 years and alot of great memories. It doesn't mean I want her back. She has done terrible things to me for sure and I won't forget them. I just hope years from now to be able to look back and smile at the great times we shared. I will always love her and I will always remember what we had when it was good. I also hope to be able to forgive her in time.
Author kizik Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 I will always love her, not in the way I once did, but I will. This one I've heard from you before, and to be frank, I don't understand this. Isn't this a way of hanging on? If she got hurt or was dying, I would be by her side and help her, even after what she did. I agree with this one, I would be there in times of emergency. But she could get her arm cut off and she wouldn't call me. This is a woman who didn't talk to ther father for seven years ... when they lived in the SAME HOUSE. There will always be a place in my heart for her. 8 years and alot of great memories. It doesn't mean I want her back. True. All I'm saying is that place that R***** took in my heart, since age 12, is going away now. I was always willing to date her again, and after 3 times, that's enough now. She can't open that door again.
ioncebelieved Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 This one I've heard from you before, and to be frank, I don't understand this. Isn't this a way of hanging on? Hmmmm, I am guilty of this too. I think in my case I rationalize it by saying that I loved mine that much, I will never stop loving her. I would give another chance because of my undying love, but she would really have to pull off a miracle. She is the only ex that I would give a free pass for open arms so to speak. Now if the right person came along, I would hope that I could say otherwise.
LikeCharlotte Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 You don't need to feel bad about it, and I don't feel "bad" about what I said, either. But it quickly became both unrealistic and untrue. I don't want her in my life in any capacity, ever. I didn't know how I was going to feel, and now I look back and feel a bit silly, but not "bad." It's all a learning process, and I'm so glad I can see her now for the LAME, UNTRUSTWORTHY person she is.I no longer think that way, thats for sure. What is sad is that it is because of his post break up actions. He got what he wanted. I won't be trying to be nice to him ever again. His loss.
ioncebelieved Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I no longer think that way, thats for sure. What is sad is that it is because of his post break up actions. He got what he wanted. I won't be trying to be nice to him ever again. His loss. Once I get their loss into my lame brain, I will back on track.
LikeCharlotte Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 This one I've heard from you before, and to be frank, I don't understand this. Isn't this a way of hanging on?I have another ex that I would help out but do not want to be close to. He is mentally ill and I can't help him but if he was in trouble I would. He knows this and has never once cried wolf. He never hurt me intentionally so that is why I feel this way.
foxh1234 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 This one I've heard from you before, and to be frank, I don't understand this. Isn't this a way of hanging on? I agree with this one, I would be there in times of emergency. But she could get her arm cut off and she wouldn't call me. This is a woman who didn't talk to ther father for seven years ... when they lived in the SAME HOUSE. True. All I'm saying is that place that R***** took in my heart, since age 12, is going away now. I was always willing to date her again, and after 3 times, that's enough now. She can't open that door again. I shared more with this woman then any other person on earth. I will always love her. Not in the way I used to love her and not in the way that I would ever take her back. I just feel like this person will always be important to me and when I think back years from now, I will be glad that we had the time we did.
Author kizik Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 I'm starting to get what you mean. You're talking about "caring love." The kind of love you have for your mom or your best friend. Obviously not romantic love. For me, there will be a point, despite my 12 years of knowing her, where my caring love for her disappears. Sure I don't want her to get hit by a bus. But soon I really won't give a sh*t who she dates or f*cks or marries. This girl will not MATTER to me.
foxh1234 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I'm starting to get what you mean. You're talking about "caring love." The kind of love you have for your mom or your best friend. Obviously not romantic love. For me, there will be a point, despite my 12 years of knowing her, where my caring love for her disappears. Sure I don't want her to get hit by a bus. But soon I really won't give a sh*t who she dates or f*cks or marries. This girl will not MATTER to me. That's it Kiz, caring love. I will always care about her in some way. Obviously not the way I did before but she will always mean something to me.
D-Lish Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I have broken up with someone and told them I will always care about them... and I meant that- I still do.
critter909 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I think it's almost impossible to get rid of all caring for someone you were with for long term. I told mine he'll always have a place in my heart and I meant it. I still care about the ex before him, it's been over 10 years, but only as a friend, I can sincerely wish him happiness. Somehow I think this is better than having resentment or hatred, it's probably not possible in all situations but I'm aiming for this with my recent ex.
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