sao2 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I have been spinning for almost 2 years now. One year in a LDR and then another year since we broke up. Everything was great before we moved to different corners of the world. For all of her wonderful qualities I deserved better from her. She was capable of better. That is what really gets me, we tried a reconciliation during this last year, but that was our sticking point. I can forgive her, I can forget about how she withdrew during her time of stress. The fault is not all hers. It takes two to tango and I played my part. I can admit that I pushed her away in many ways. I was also stressed and I was not at my best. Couple that with her withdrawal and I went into full on panic mode. What I can not and absolutely will not do is approve. I will not sit there and pat her on the back and say GREAT JOB, you really handled the stress well. It is what she wanted from me and I couldn't give her that. I didn't say anything which was an improvement on the thoughts that were going through my head. Is it foolish pride on my part? Maybe it is, that doesn't mean I can accept it. During the attempted reconciliation she wanted to go back to limbo. I wasn't ready, I don't think I ever will be. Her withdrawal and the breakup and even the way she went about trying to reconcile created a situation where I didn't feel like an equal. Any reconciliation must rectify that. She is unable to go out on a limb for me, unable to quiet her own anxieties that existed before me. I don't love her anymore, I just miss her. So now I am left alone and the only thing left to say is, I really did deserve better than that from her. Thanks for listening, just needed to rant. I hope it helps me move on.
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