ioncebelieved Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I had computer problems and had to get a new one and had a thread saved. Of course now it is lost and I can't find it under the search. The thread had something to do with letting go works best to move on or to get them back and a multitude of other great advice. The original post was copied from somewhere else and not LS as someone pointed out in the thread. It was one of the best I had found on here for advice and looked at it every so often. Anyone have it saved????? Thanks a million!
quankanne Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 it might have been among those threads that got eaten up when the 'Shacks hampsters went on strike ...
Trialbyfire Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Do you have a more detailed description like paraphrasing one post? Or possibly, do you recall any individual that posted in that thread? If they're not high volume posters, you might be able to find the thread through their screen name. Hate to say this but what you've described is the content for many, many threads!
Author ioncebelieved Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 I just remember that they said you can feel them pulling away and you pull away and the best thing to do is nothing. It was fairly long and I forgot all about the lost posts. It was copied from another site and another poster suggested giving credit to the originator of the post. Also the post or article said it works in getting over someone and could help getting them back. I just can't remember all of it!!!!!! Wish I could.
foxh1234 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Hi, page 3 of coping- reality check is the thread name. I don't know how to link it.
Author ioncebelieved Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Thanks Man and Fox, but that was not it. However, it was pretty damn good though!! Just had a bad day and wanted to read uplifting things. I drove 450 miles back home and fought like hell calling my ex! I wanted to so badly and my head was saying don't be a dumb ****ing ass. So for once, I listened to my head instead of my heart. I will look for it some more and re read the one you guys put me on. The one I was talking about is way older!! Maybe a couple years, I think.
Kathy Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Is this it? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=96092
sultry33 Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 [FONT="]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ by no foolin just wondered if it was this [/FONT]
Author ioncebelieved Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 Thanks for all the help, but we still do not have a winner. I recall in the post the poster saying things like the best thing to do is nothing and it's like a dance. You feel them pulling away so you pull away. Maybe someone will locate it. Trialbyfire was correct in her saying that it sounds like a lot of posts. At least searching for it seems that way.
Author ioncebelieved Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 FOUND IT!!! From another forum and it's original source was from lollie.com and I am not sure of the author. I DID NOT WRITE THIS, BUT I THINK IT IS GREAT AND HELPS ME!!! Now in it's entirety ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I think it might be helpful for those that want to get back together and are struggling with NC, distance or giving space in general. GL FEELING DISTANCE You can feel them pulling away. You can see it. They may have even said it straight out, "I'm leaving you." Often this sets off a number of emotional alarm clocks at their highest volume and intensity. Few times in life is it easier to panic. Few times in life is it more important you don't. It feels like a disaster doesn't it? Well you've watched disaster movies. You know how it goes. The ones who panic die off early in the movie. They are small part actors and you never remember their names. The one's who keep their heads in the crisis tend to walk out of the flaming building with the other most attractive character on their arm. If you want to win them back you must make a decision now to either panic and most likely lose your goal before you get close to it or to get in your brain, utilize your anxiety, depression, anger, and loneliness. And while you're at it don't forget to utilize rather than suffer all that pain you've been given. Chances are you're getting a lot of conflicting advice from folks. It all boils down to fish or cut bait. The advice I give to win a love back starts with the same advice as for letting go. Let go. Romance, love, sex, it's always a dance. It's all back and forward, back and forward. When your love pulls back, then back again and you are still moving forward, it's no longer a dance, it's a chase. And what do people do when we chase after their affection? They run. I imagine your love is prepared for the chase to continue, and if I'm right it makes them feel guilty. How often does guilt buy love and attraction? Not often. I've never seen it. Have you? If anything will work at all it is to let go. Not let go and sit home and suffer, but let go and go have a blast every day. This may sound impossible. But if your love is strong enough, if your goal of winning them back is compelling enough; you can do anything you have to do. Letting go and having a blast strengthens your position several ways. It surprises them. They have taken your suffering for granted. They assume it. That's the person they're dumping. Who the hell is this person having so much fun? Curiosity is compelling. You get happy and relaxed with this and it hits them like a bucket of cold water that they don't know you quite as well as they thought they did. We're all sexier and more attractive when we're having a blast than when we're depressed. It's far more compelling than making them responsible for our happiness. When they see beyond a shadow of a doubt you're no longer chasing after their affection they can quit running and make their decision based on what they want instead of the chase they're running from. We often take each other for granted. Part of the reason you've stopped taking them for granted right now is they've pulled back. The water in the well really is running dry. If your love will come back it will be after "they" realize all that's missing from life without you. They can't know what that is till you've pulled back as well. Impatience is your enemy. It compells you to take action out of fear and we know that causes more mistakes and bigger mistakes. Generally impatience cannot be just pressed down, it creeps out and peeps out when you least expect it. Impatience is just that little voice inside your head that tells you, you can't be happy until you know your love is glad to be back. There's only one thing that really squashes impatience - making yourself go have so much fun every day that your brain has to go, "well, duuuuh, guess I can be happy right now and continue taking strategic actions towards my goal." A former Boss of mine had a standard rule for submitting loan applications, "Don't hurry up to get a turn down." If it's important, you must focus more on getting it right than doing it in a hurry. I promise you , you're far more likely to win them back the more you enjoy this process and the less you suffer it. If you think that's impossible, think again. The most successful people on earth choose to enjoy challenges rather than be swamped by them. You must only make a decision now whether or not this goal is important enough for you to use your head or unimportant enough for you to allow your compulsions to defeat you. It's up to you. I've seen this advice bring couples back together after restraining orders have been issued and clients have been arrested for breaking them. I don't guarantee it to work everytime and it works better than anything else. And if it doesn't work to win them back, in the process you've been strengthened and prepared to let go for good far more comfortably than you are right now. Your fear is that if you let go you'll lose them. In fact you're more likely to lose them if you don't. By the way I know taking this advice is a lot more challenging than giving it because I've done both. Whoever you are, my prayer and my faith are with you. This is a helluva a "bump" on life's road, but you're stronger than you realize and you will be alright. If it's terribly important to you and you really work at this recipe you'll do quite a bit better than alright. I was talking to a girl the other day that was following a recipe for grief. Her rule was that she was not promiscuious. It's a good rule. She felt like a relationship really had to be serious before she put out. Only under the influence of starry nights and a glass of something bubbly she'd put out and then decide it must be serious, this must be the one since she did in fact put out. This now caused her to treat the poor guy like "hey, we're destiny" and he would run from her speed and consequently her relationships were ending in disaster before they ever started. I suggested she change her rule. I suggested her new rule be that if she really liked and respected the guy and visa versa; if there was chemistry and they were safe.... then it was okay to have sex without this having to be "her soulmate." Either that or cut out mixing starry nights, bubbly and attractive men. Many will disagree and yet she seems far, far happier for the change. For some there is the added problem of your love thinking they're in love with someone else. That's about as hard a romantic bump in life as there is. You hate your rival. And yet, many times I've seen the other person be the key that puts your relationship back together. HOW??? Simple, while you've got alarm clocks going off like crazy the one you love is in the flush of infatuation. Infatuation is not love. Looks like it, feels like it, but it isn't love. Love is when you look at someone and say "I know all their faults and even if they never change a thing - I love them enough to stay." A person who's infatuated isn't qualified to make that statement. Not that it stops them or stops them from believing it. It's just good to know. When you utilize your alarm clocks and make yourself have so much fun you can be patient.... now they have time alone with the new Mr. or Miss wonderful. Infatuation moves into the stage of disillusionment. They wonder what they saw in the new one in the first place. If at the same time they see you're not chasing them they can far more easily find themselves thinking "Why the new one isn't as good as the other one, am I being an idiot here or what?" One girl told me, "But I can't have fun while I'm picturing them together!" Good point. Quit picturing things that hurt. Have three things you love to think about and three things you love to do in mind and handy at all times. When the picture starts, treat it like an alarm clock telling you to "Right now this very minute, think and do something else fun!" The first few times will be a little difficult, after that it's easier. Finally, last but not least ask yourself these hard questions. Do I really love this person? Really? Do I love them enough to let them go? Do I love them enough to let go and have fun today and tomorrow and the days after that? Or is my love so selfish that I can only be happy if they're here serving my emotional needs no matter how much they may not want to right now? Feeling like you're losing someone you love can be rough. It demands hard questions be answered. Serious decisions must be made. You're stronger than you realize. You can do whatever you need do to make your life healthier and happier if you choose to. Give it some thought, time and prayer and then choose.
kizik Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 IOB, glad you found it. You know what's better than letting someone go b/c you love them? Letting them go b/c you know they don't love you... and you don't love them anymore, either. Perfect! Everyone wins, and you don't waste your time on an idea of a person anymore.
Author ioncebelieved Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 IOB, glad you found it. You know what's better than letting someone go b/c you love them? Letting them go b/c you know they don't love you... and you don't love them anymore, either. Perfect! Everyone wins, and you don't waste your time on an idea of a person anymore. I would have rather not be loved in my current situation in all honesty!! It would have been much easier on my weary soul. What sucks is when they do love you...just not enough to make that happen. At least that is what I felt. Hope you are well today Kizik.
Trialbyfire Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Or is my love so selfish that I can only be happy if they're here serving my emotional needs no matter how much they may not want to right now? What a coincidence!! Last night...errr...early this morning, I was just chatting with someone about this. Isn't love about giving? If so, why are you doing something that's not good for the other person you supposedly love?
kizik Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I would have rather not be loved in my current situation in all honesty!! It would have been much easier on my weary soul. What sucks is when they do love you...just not enough to make that happen. At least that is what I felt. Hope you are well today Kizik. Hey IOB, I just assume she doesn't; if she did, she could show it. She hasn't shown it in months, a year - she's all talk, what a bitch. Ugh. Your ex can tell you all she wants she loves you, blah blah blah... love finds a way. People who "can't make it happen" are full of sh*t. I'm good today, thanks for saying that. You alright, southern boy?
Author ioncebelieved Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Hey IOB, I just assume she doesn't; if she did, she could show it. She hasn't shown it in months, a year - she's all talk, what a bitch. Ugh. Your ex can tell you all she wants she loves you, blah blah blah... love finds a way. People who "can't make it happen" are full of sh*t. I'm good today, thanks for saying that. You alright, southern boy? LOVE SURELY FINDS AWAY!! If I would have figured that out, well I knew it, but my heart was whipping my head I would have been over this long ago. Not bad today, went to the movies and checked The Dark Knight out with my dad and nephew. Finding out there is definitely LIFE still out there. Not ready for another women just yet so I am not even looking. Fixing me is JOB one, ya dig???
Recommended Posts