I have no clue what i am doing????

[Rainnie girl]

So, for those of you that don't know my past!!!! I have been on a break from my ex fiance for about four months now. I am still absolutly in love with him and I have no clue as to what I am doing right now. My ex and I have been keeping in touch everyday since our break. We spent time together yesterday and half the day was great. He says he does not want to commit to me right now but he wants me to wait for him. About a week ago I got asked out by a coworker and I told my ex about it (i wanted to make sure that he knows i am wanted by others). My ex got upset about it and last night he went to the restaurant that the guy works at to see what he looks like. Anyways, I need to know what you all think I should do about my situation. I am so sad when I am not with my ex and happy when I am with him. I am just without him more than I am with him. I have know that he is living with another girl and her sister and I feel that he may be involved with this girl he lives and works with. He of course denies it and tells me they are just friends. My ex tells me he loves me and that he wants me to have his children one day. He says that I will feel stupid if I don't wait for him because one day he may be ready to be with me. He tells me he wants to spend more time with me but he is busy at work. The thing that sucks is that when I look at him, I beleave him. I beleave that he loves me! I just don't know if he will ever be ready to commit to me. I have come to the point that I feel it may be best for me to give him a time or ultimatum. My birthday is next Tuesday and we are suppose to spend the day together. Should i tell him then that I need a commitment or what? I don't want to loose him but life sucks sitting around waiting for him. I haven't done one thing since we broke up unless it is with him. I feel like he is not always honest with me and that he sometimes takes the fact that I am waiting for him for granted. He has planned a vacation for the two of us to go to Florida in a few weeks and he says that if I would only be patient I would see that he is trying to spend more time with me. I know that I can push him at times and I need to stop doing that. I want him back and I don't know how to go about acting when we are together. when we hang out it is like we aren't even broken up. I can't get rid of the feeling that he is messing around with this other girl. She is way younger than him and she already has a 2 year old son. You know when you can look at a girl and say "yes, this girl is absolute trash, she is a user and probably a slut". She is that girl. She looks completly different from me and is very different from me. I do not think I am the best thing in the world but I have a good body and good looks. I have a career for myself and make plenty of money to have the new car I want and the lifestyle that I want (although things are tight since we lived in an upscale apartment and I am now paying for that on my own) This girl is average but not pretty and she has no goals in life. All she wants is to work at pizza hut for ever. Plus this girl has already undercut my ex at his work (yes he works as a manager for pizza hut). I don't see why he would want her but I feel like he is with her. I don't know how to feel. Everyone tells me that my ex is no good and that I could do better but I don't want better. I want him. I just don't want to get played by him. If i need anything he is there. Do you think the problem could be that he has never been alone? He says he needs time to himself because he has never really been single. He needs to find out that he can take care of himself. Should I be understanding of this. He got married and had a child when he was 18 and it was a very bad marriage that only ended 3 months before the two of us started to date. I feel like he thinks I will do things to him that his ex did and he doesn't trust that I love him. I also feel that he just wants to have fun and not have to face the terms of being in a relationship. He wants to be free but have me there when he needs me. What should I do?????

[justaman99]

Rainnie Rainnie Rainni....whew ok...

 

He says he does not want to commit to me right now but he wants me to wait for him.

 

Bull****. Don't let this guy do this bs. He doesn't want to commit but wants you to wait for what, a commitment? Ugh. This guy is playing the field right now with you on the back burner. You know the stove that has the little burners on it and the one big one up front? Well no one uses the little back burners except for things to stew, the big one up frot is reserved for the main dish and that in my gut is currently reserved for someone else.

 

My ex got upset about it and last night he went to the restaurant that the guy works at to see what he looks like.

 

Control and jealousy. He won't give you what you need so you begin to hint for something else then he starts getting jealous and insecure. This guy needs to go.

 

and I feel that he may be involved with this girl he lives and works with. He of course denies it and tells me they are just friends.

 

All women should trust their instincts. I would investigate this as much as you can. I believe in a woman's intuition. It's a powerful thing.

 

My ex tells me he loves me and that he wants me to have his children one day. He says that I will feel stupid if I don't wait for him because one day he may be ready to be with me.

 

Guys will SAY all the right things to keep you close enough but it's about actions and not words now. And saying you'll feel stupid for not waiting is about as childish as it can get. This KID has no maturity and no smarts. Sorry, he was already married once, has a child and works at a pizza hut. He's still a kid.

 

 

Should i tell him then that I need a commitment or what? I don't want to loose him but life sucks sitting around waiting for him.

 

No. Don't tell him you need a commitment. Tell him you don't want him in your life anymore. Trust me this guy is bad news. The next thing you know you'll be married, pregnant, and three months later divorced and no daddy around.

 

I can't get rid of the feeling that he is messing around with this other girl.

 

Again, trust your gut.

 

Plus this girl has already undercut my ex at his work (yes he works as a manager for pizza hut).

 

Sweet pizza hut manager. If he's in his teens I guess that's reasonable. Hope he's not still there at 25.

 

I just don't want to get played by him.

 

You already are.

 

Do you think the problem could be that he has never been alone?

 

Yes very likely part of the problem.

 

He got married and had a child when he was 18 and it was a very bad marriage that only ended 3 months before the two of us started to date.

 

Sounds like a catch.

 

I also feel that he just wants to have fun and not have to face the terms of being in a relationship. He wants to be free but have me there when he needs me.

 

Yeah probably true. He's a young man and wants to have fun of course. Wants to F every girl around probably. I would guess he's not even 21 yet. Wait til that hits and he's gone for sure.

 

What should I do?????

 

Leave him.

 

-Just

[stlnsmile]

Rainnie.....Justaman is absolutely right. In every way. Either someone is with you or they are not with you. This guy is playing you, and giving himself the space to see whats out there. Do not wait around for this. My ex said the same things, I need space, I don't want to loose you..bla bla bla....I broke it off, and he was with someone four weeks later....he had been shopping already. Your guy is shopping, and you need to run from him. Stable men will not do this. Stable men are the ones with strong back bones who are emotionally ready for real relationships. Don't do this to yourself, its not worth it. You should start to shop yourself and see whats out there.