dazed.1 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I have major insecurity issues. I know it is driving my bf away but I just don't know what to do about it. The thought about him working with a pretty girl, or any way interacting with one (as platonic as it may be) drives me insane. I get this feeling deep in my stomach like I am going to vomit. He is very attractive and women stare at him...and waitresses have actually hit on him in front of me. He doesn't respond and even gets taken back that these women are loose enough to hit on a man who is at dinner with his gf...regardless, I still freak out at him. I blame him, get mad at him, and usually ruin the night. He gets mad at me because he hasn't done anything wrong...and the logical side of me understands that....but the anxious woman inside of me doesn't. I just want to be able to have him work with a beautiful woman, or be hit on or whatever, and just be able to sit back and know that he his mine, he's not going anywhere. I dont' want that sick feeling in my stomach anymore. I have seen a councellor, she says it's anxiety, I tried some breathing excersices but that hasn't helped. Does anyone know something that can help with this???
mma_j Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I have major insecurity issues. I know it is driving my bf away but I just don't know what to do about it. The thought about him working with a pretty girl, or any way interacting with one (as platonic as it may be) drives me insane. I get this feeling deep in my stomach like I am going to vomit. He is very attractive and women stare at him...and waitresses have actually hit on him in front of me. He doesn't respond and even gets taken back that these women are loose enough to hit on a man who is at dinner with his gf...regardless, I still freak out at him. I blame him, get mad at him, and usually ruin the night. He gets mad at me because he hasn't done anything wrong...and the logical side of me understands that....but the anxious woman inside of me doesn't. I just want to be able to have him work with a beautiful woman, or be hit on or whatever, and just be able to sit back and know that he his mine, he's not going anywhere. I dont' want that sick feeling in my stomach anymore. I have seen a councellor, she says it's anxiety, I tried some breathing excersices but that hasn't helped. Does anyone know something that can help with this??? This guy sounds very secure and like a great person. Why do you think you are insecure? Do you think he is better than you, or is your mind just playing tricks? Your imagination can dream up a never ending supply of terrible things that could happen. But let's think about it. You have the ability to imagine the absolute worst thing that could happen so that means you also have the skill to use your energy to imagine the absolute best thing that could happen. It's a matter of focus. Why do you waste so much time imagining the worst when there's just as much of a chance of the best outcome happening? You may end up with a very great relationship if you focus on positive aspects. You said yourself he doesn't reciprocate when getting hit on in public. That should be a major security cushion for you! Remember that he's taken aback when that happens. He sounds like a good catch!
Treasa Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Ditto ditto ditto what the last person said. I had the same issues, and to be honest, they almost completely pushed my boyfriend away. Do you want to lose him for good because of an issue completely within yourself? How many times have you seen this counselor? Maybe you need to find one that's more of a good fit for you. After a few tries, I found one I love, and he really works through the issues with me. It's a lot of hard work to shut up the anxious thoughts inside your head, but I'm slowly doing it. It's going to take more than breathing exercises, though, and it takes a lot longer than mere days or weeks! Look up articles on insecurity, jealously, etc. Write in a journal. Ask yourself "Why" five times. Why are you insecure? And then ask yourself "why" again about whatever the answer is. Keep drilling down until you get to the root of it. If your boyfriend is with you, he's with you for a reason. Keep that in mind.
Author dazed.1 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 This guy sounds very secure and like a great person. Why do you think you are insecure? Do you think he is better than you, or is your mind just playing tricks? Your imagination can dream up a never ending supply of terrible things that could happen. But let's think about it. You have the ability to imagine the absolute worst thing that could happen so that means you also have the skill to use your energy to imagine the absolute best thing that could happen. It's a matter of focus. Why do you waste so much time imagining the worst when there's just as much of a chance of the best outcome happening? You may end up with a very great relationship if you focus on positive aspects. You said yourself he doesn't reciprocate when getting hit on in public. That should be a major security cushion for you! Remember that he's taken aback when that happens. He sounds like a good catch! Yeah he is great, I do think he is better than me. I often wonder how I got him, and why he stays with me. He could probably have his pick, I never knew why it was me, so I guess I keep waiting for him to realize that too. Like maybe if he is working with someone he will fall for them and realize they are a better pair...I don't know I know it is crazy!
Author dazed.1 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Ditto ditto ditto what the last person said. I had the same issues, and to be honest, they almost completely pushed my boyfriend away. Do you want to lose him for good because of an issue completely within yourself? How many times have you seen this counselor? Maybe you need to find one that's more of a good fit for you. After a few tries, I found one I love, and he really works through the issues with me. It's a lot of hard work to shut up the anxious thoughts inside your head, but I'm slowly doing it. It's going to take more than breathing exercises, though, and it takes a lot longer than mere days or weeks! Look up articles on insecurity, jealously, etc. Write in a journal. Ask yourself "Why" five times. Why are you insecure? And then ask yourself "why" again about whatever the answer is. Keep drilling down until you get to the root of it. If your boyfriend is with you, he's with you for a reason. Keep that in mind. I feel like I know why, I think he is better than me....like I said in my last resopnse, I think soon he will realize it and be done with me, like he will realize what he can have, which would be better than me, and ditch. It is really sad, and I know I have low self esteem (of course if you knew me in life you would never ever suspect that, I hide it well!)...I guess I just want a quick fix and that is not possible....
Treasa Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Why do you think he is better than you? Once you answer that, ask yourself why THAT is. Keep going until you get to the base. If you continue to think he is better than you (and I'm sorry, but no one is "better" than anyone else), you will project that, and he will start to wonder why he is with you as well. We start to believe what we think, whether or not it's true.
Recommended Posts