kbcs6dpm Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Hi all, I broke up with my ex girlfriend about six months ago. We were only going out for six months, and actually got engaged (which was kinda wrong in the first place...long story). But i now know that she was not the right girl for me. I know that, long term, we would have had a terrible marriage, and may eventually have split up or just endured bad times forever. Even though i know she was the wrong girl, i'm still obsessed with her, and very possesive over her. I'm trying not to contact her, but i can't stop thinking about her! Even though i don't love her much at all now. She was my first girlfriend. I lost my virginity to her. I don't have a lot of female friends. And we're both about 30. Coul that be part of the reason? How the heck can i be so obsessed by the wrong girl, a bad girl? And how can i stop this obsession?!! Thanks for any replies! )
serendip Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Umm...how can you say you are obsess with the wrong girl when your ex was the first and only girlfriend you ever had You have no frame of reference b/c it was your first experience ...and the reason people are generally obsess is b/c they don't have anything going on in their lives and they put all their eggs in one basket (the partner) and so when their partner leaves....they go crazy and become obsess...blaming their ex's for their happiness when they should take responsibility for it themselves girlfriends/boyfriends are not possessions...every person has a right to walk away regardless of how long you guys were together(1mth...50 yrs)...it's free will. But it's how they walk away determines what type of people they are. You are most likely obsess b/c your ex was your only gf at the age of 30...do other activities and meet other people...it should help with your obsession.
Art_Critic Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I lost my virginity to her. You seem to have your wits about you and the relationship I know that, long term, we would have had a terrible marriage, You know it wasn't right and that is good.. What you need to understand now is that when a person loses their virginity they never forget that person. They never forget the experience.. even if it was a bad experience we carry that person with us for the rest of our lives because of the connection of losing your virginity to them. Because we carry them with us forever doesn't mean we are obsessed with them. It just means they shared a huge event in your life.. Keep your wits about yourself.. try and date others.. put yourself out there and don't worry that you are still thinking about her.. The amount that you think about her will dissipate over time and you will remember her with a certain fondness even after you have moved on and found another.
Author kbcs6dpm Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Thanks to both of you for your replies. Very good advice from you both. Serendip: When i say she's the 'wrong one', i meant that she's done and said some bad stuff to and about me. She's not the woman i thought she was, and i she just made me feel bad a lot of the time because of what she did. But you're pretty much spot on with your advice! I have put all my eggs in her basket, relied on her to make me happy, and have become obsessed with her because of the relative emptiness in my life. So yes - i'll have to get a life and do things/meet people. Thanks again to you both!
stlnsmile Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Hi all, I broke up with my ex girlfriend about six months ago. We were only going out for six months, and actually got engaged (which was kinda wrong in the first place...long story). But i now know that she was not the right girl for me. I know that, long term, we would have had a terrible marriage, and may eventually have split up or just endured bad times forever. Even though i know she was the wrong girl, i'm still obsessed with her, and very possesive over her. I'm trying not to contact her, but i can't stop thinking about her! Even though i don't love her much at all now. She was my first girlfriend. I lost my virginity to her. I don't have a lot of female friends. And we're both about 30. Coul that be part of the reason? How the heck can i be so obsessed by the wrong girl, a bad girl? And how can i stop this obsession?!! Thanks for any replies! ) Okay, so why was she the wrong girl for you. You see so many times people break up for weak and lame reasons, and really it boils down to one question "is there someone better out there for me?" I would like to hear you articulate why she was not the right woman for you. Then I think the LS'rs can better assess the situation. Many times guilt of hurting someone will make us hold on to them even when it was right to not be with them. But many times we also realize we did not give the person the proper chance to change, we did not communicate etc.....or that our initial reasons for breaking up weren't so important after all. The whole, Absence makes the heart grow fonder deal. With out knowing how the break up happened, what was going on, what the deal breakers were, its hard to know what to think.
Peter_pan Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 its because she was your first and only, therefore you dont know what else there is. try and date and get out there then you can decide why she was the wrong one for you. stlnsmile "is there someone better out there for me?" i used to think that everytime we argued or she made me feel stupid. i really questioned what i was even doing with her anyway. plus going out from the age of 17 i didnt want to just have one gf for the rest of my life. saying that you lot know how much i miss her and want her back , but everything has changed
roghornio Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 its because she was your first and only, therefore you dont know what else there is. try and date and get out there then you can decide why she was the wrong one for you. stlnsmile "is there someone better out there for me?" i used to think that everytime we argued or she made me feel stupid. i really questioned what i was even doing with her anyway. plus going out from the age of 17 i didnt want to just have one gf for the rest of my life. saying that you lot know how much i miss her and want her back , but everything has changed You sound on the up! Good stuff.
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