sacg Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I cant help myself. I cant get her off my mind. Im not phoning or anything, but i keep sending the odd email, about every other day. This is awful. original story if anyones interested. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t157510/ She says she needs to see if she can get it back. what the hell does that mean. How can you do that being apart from the one you want to get it back with. She swears there's noone else, but the more this goes on without contact, the more I think there is. I know NC is all i can do, to even heal or get her back, but I just cant find the strength to do it for more than a couple of days. Its shameful. I keep thinking ive let go, then bang, obviously i havent.
foxh1234 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I cant help myself. I cant get her off my mind. Im not phoning or anything, but i keep sending the odd email, about every other day. This is awful. original story if anyones interested. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t157510/ She says she needs to see if she can get it back. what the hell does that mean. How can you do that being apart from the one you want to get it back with. She swears there's noone else, but the more this goes on without contact, the more I think there is. I know NC is all i can do, to even heal or get her back, but I just cant find the strength to do it for more than a couple of days. Its shameful. I keep thinking ive let go, then bang, obviously i havent. Hi, it is hard, no doubt about it. NC is the only way though. All contact will do is push her away more. Give it a few weeks and see what happens. It will be very very hard but if you want to get her back or heal and move on, NC is the best option. Good Luck
kizik Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 She says she needs to see if she can get it back. what the hell does that mean. It means that she's a BITCH who you shouldn't waste your time with. That's BS, no one needs time away from us to make sure we're right for them. Stop playing her game, stop contacting her, and honestly, you should not answer or respond if she contacts YOU. Let her see how it f*cking feels!
Peter_pan Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 she could be genuine but to me that means , let me see this guy for a bit and if i dont like him as much as you then i'll take you back go no contact. if she was yours or loved you truly then she will come back. if she dont then clearly she isnt the one for you dude. x peace
hurthawk Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 It doesn't make you a pussy for wanting to continue a connection with someone you've shared seven years with. Right now make time to focus on yourself, I know it's hard, but I honestly think the best medicine for a breakup is taking the time to be the best YOU can be. After my breakup I was devastated, he didn't love me anymore and didn't want me... he wanted someone else. I wanted to call him, I wanted to cuddle with him, but his rather cavalier treatment towards me (cold, and other things) helped me realize that me agonizing over him and hoping that he just might want to be with me wouldn't change his feelings or my situation. So what did I come up with? Be the best person I can be, focus on me, be that person another person wants to be with (don't pretend though, just be you), and guess what I started succeeding, I became my happy self again ( i went through a lot personal things during my relationship with him), I was able to fix myself essentially, and even if things don't work out with him (I no longer find this thought to be devastating) I know that I am a good person worth being with, and guess what... SO ARE YOU! So follow her cue and work on being a happier more fullfilled person and although there will be rough patches I can honestly say two months later that i am doing so much better. It may be tough but don't talk to her or email her (hence the nc), and if she contacts you just keep it light and non commital. Let her miss you, if she asks how you are doing tell her all the new things you've been up to, but don't shove anything down her throat, let her make up her own mind. And from reading your original story you are taking a lot and putting it on your shoulders, don't carry the burden of the blame, it was the past, it sounds like she also had some issues as well so again just focus on you and making yourself healthy and whole. Goodluck and if you ever need any support feel free to let me know.
Author sacg Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Many thanks for your posts guys, specially hurthawk. Well its been two days now and i feel a little numb to be honest. Im still missing her like crazy, but all the bad thoughts, the constant wishing her here, thinking of her with someone else, being happy out without me. It seems to have moved on a level, acceptance maybe?? I still wish for her back though, and I cant seem to get that feeling out of my head. I know the reason for NC is to let go and heal yourself, but I cant help living in hope. I dont want to, i dont want to be feeling that way if this really is over, if she really doesnt find that feeling again. Maybe she does just need some time out, to relfect, to evaluate. She's been through a lot and is going through some changes now. I just wish i could stop hoping things will change. I know this wont just slot back into place, i know that. Changes have to be made, time has to heal, and we would have to start all over again, a fresh, complete romancing all over. But its so hard.
Peter_pan Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I still wish for her back though, and I cant seem to get that feeling out of my head. believe me that feeling will prolong if you dont go NC. also it has taken me a good 5 months to just about get rid of that feeling, and i was only with her for 3 yrs. it will get better dude, stay strong
immizunderstood Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I talked to her abruptly, I didn’t love her as I should have and I slowly killed the very strong feelings she had for me. She gave me an ultimatum that if I didn’t stop smoking and cut down drinking, she would not have kids. I even brushed this aside. I know this is terribly disgusting, and I only see this now, but I strongly believe the drink and drugs have affected my mind and how I behave, almost ignoring glaringly obvious signs. I read your post and I can understand your feelings of withdrawl however I feel like you only take partial responsibility for your break-up. The Puff and Alcohol doesn't make people belligerent. It's your belief that makes you think that the alcohol and puff have altered your behavior to the point of mistreatment of your girlfriend. Alcohol does one thing and makes you free to do your hearts desire. So if being abrupt with your girlfriend is what you want or not being honest with the fact that you were in contact with an ex then there you have it. You have completed the task of your alcohol/puff desire. The alcohol/puff is an excuse and it's up to you to decide when and if you are fully ready to take on your responsibility for the downfall of this particular relationship. Lastly i just want to say, most women go through a very hard time when breaking up. We have a tendency to sometimes second guess ourselves or rethink if the decisions we are making are in fact the best one's. You guys were together for a very long time. I'm quite sure she loved you dearly but maybe it's possible that she's outgrown the constant seperation that you two seemed to have shared for a long time. You were suppose to be the main person she could be vulnerable with and i'm sorry, you really did take her for granted. If she didn't love she wouldn't have stayed for so long, not mention trying to work it out. I think maybe she's finally comfortable enough just to be alone and I highly doubt there's anyone else at this point. Your relationship seems too turbulent for anyone with a healthy state of mind to want to rush into another. Maybe you guys will get back together but first you both need to heal and think if you both could continue on the path you're headed. Can you do this for the next 7 years? Somethings obviously need to change and not temporally. The good news is most relationships break-up at least once!
Author sacg Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Wise words and very true. Woke up today busting to contact her, but i wont. I have this feeling this morning of a little anger. I know she's just letting me down nicely, she has no intention of us ever being together in the future. She would not have gone through all this to go back. She's out, happy with her new life and I dont even figure. I find myself asking myslef, could I go back after going through all this pain. you say most relationships break up at least once, do they? Like this? All this pain, and things can be ok again? Can you ever look at that person again after going through all this? She doesnt want to hurt me so sh'e been nice and given me parting words like who knows, if its meant to be it will be, i need to see how i feel without you? Thats all stuff to just make things easier for me as she gets on with her life. I also feel slightly cheated in as much as she gets on prozac, finds the confidence she never had with me, (thats not my fault), and gets up and leaves me. I held her up for years when she was depressed, maybe thats where some of my resentment came from. And shen just goes when she's happier. I really miss her though, so much. Its weird, you know the only thing that can take away the pain, even temorarily, is by speaking or contacting her, yet i know that puts me back too. This is so hard to do, so hard. I dont know how I'll get through today alone. How do you eventually accept that she really doesnt feel the same anymore, i just cant belive it. I guess if anything was to come back it would happen within a few weeks of no contact?
northstar1 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Wise words and very true. Woke up today busting to contact her, but i wont. I have this feeling this morning of a little anger. I know she's just letting me down nicely, she has no intention of us ever being together in the future. She would not have gone through all this to go back. She's out, happy with her new life and I dont even figure. I find myself asking myslef, could I go back after going through all this pain. you say most relationships break up at least once, do they? Like this? All this pain, and things can be ok again? Can you ever look at that person again after going through all this? She doesnt want to hurt me so sh'e been nice and given me parting words like who knows, if its meant to be it will be, i need to see how i feel without you? Thats all stuff to just make things easier for me as she gets on with her life. I also feel slightly cheated in as much as she gets on prozac, finds the confidence she never had with me, (thats not my fault), and gets up and leaves me. I held her up for years when she was depressed, maybe thats where some of my resentment came from. And shen just goes when she's happier. I really miss her though, so much. Its weird, you know the only thing that can take away the pain, even temorarily, is by speaking or contacting her, yet i know that puts me back too. This is so hard to do, so hard. I dont know how I'll get through today alone. How do you eventually accept that she really doesnt feel the same anymore, i just cant belive it. I guess if anything was to come back it would happen within a few weeks of no contact? The key word is time. Time is what it takes and you not being in contact. Look, it will get better. As for her coming back - you have to let go of that thought for now. Who knows if down the road your paths will cross - but for now, they aren't - so you need to put that hope out of your head, or you will continue to hang on and watch the calendar. Just get out today and do something for you - exercise, read a book, spend time with friends. It's hard, but you'll get through it.
df273 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 2 days ago i was forced to break 3 weeks of NC. I had to retrieve the remainder of my belongings today. Boy do i feel like ****. When I had to e-mail her at work about picking my stuff up, she fired back with some nasty e-mails. I said nothing other then then telling her when i was coming. Low and behold, a good portion of my stuff was already trashed, which she said i told her to do. yea right. she also told me a bike of mine was stolen. i think she ended up feeling guilty about the e-mail replies and apologized about some of the things she said. She continued to contact me the last 2 days to confirm when i was coming. I ignored it. Now having no ties to her, and no closure, except for sorting through the lies at the end. I seem to discover a new lie every couple of days. I already know she will contact me in some months and i hope i can hold my dignity. She broke up with me, so she can only blame herself. Now i just have to do my best to avoid her at work, and i can begin the NC healing process again. Hurray for NC.
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