ConfusedNKY Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I wrote last month, but hubby and I still haven't taken the big plunge for an official divorce yet. He thinks that I need to either just get over our past or we need to go ahead and split up officially. I'll agree to that, however it's difficult in really letting go. I can see that parts of him are changed, but it's just parts. Like last month he went out in my car to the bar w/ some friends while I stayed home with our 2 children and 2 extras(kids of his friends who went to the bar with him). He got in the next morning at 6:00, said that he'd pulled over and slept as he wasn't fit to drive home. I said ok. Later that morning I had to go out and there was a wrapper w/ a white powder residue on my console. I confronted him and his answer was that someone must of gotten into my car while at the barn and done some drugs. Bogus story considering I know what was in my car was his(at the time I didn't know what it was, but now I do and I found that out on my own). He's never owned up to it being his. A co-worker of mine happened to show up at the bar which I had only know for two weeks. She stated that she had seen my OH dancing w/ another woman. I said I know, but her husband was there. She said from the way that they were dancing and how he was kissing on her neck that she couldn't believe her husband would be anywhere near her. Yeah, he left that part out. Oh and the substance that I found...it would of made their evening a lot more enhanced. I confronted him about my co-workers version of his evening and his reply was that she was a trouble maker. End of discussion. So, he's gone from verbally battering me to having either way to physical interactions on the dance floor or to having an affair. In the past 1.5yrs I've heard rumors of him messing around, but there's never been any concrete proof. Some came from my family, others from co-workers, some from friends, but never any proof positive information. I've suspected him of fooling around both on an emotional and physical level. I feel ridiculous in evening considering sticking around him, but he has this way of making things look not as bad. He points out the things he does to show he's a good husband and loves me, like doing the dishes, or keeping the kids, or washing the laundry, or cooking breakfast on Sunday mornings, etc.... Yes he does do these things, but are they to help or alleviate his guilt? One minute he's wanting me to stay and then the next he's telling me I need to go. He thinks I'm foolish to be afraid of telling him things(I have a tendency to hide things and stash cash) and says that he's never hit me. Well, no he hasn't, however he's done everything but. I'll admit it's hard for me to let things go, especially when it hurt so much. To have the man I fell in love with and that I decided to spend my life with treat me the way that he has is heartbreaking. While I may of never carried any physical bruises, the emotional toll was enormous. Still confused or maybe it's not accepting reality?.....
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