CaliGuy Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 rant Ok I admit, back when I first came here, I bought a few of the e-books that tell you "how to win your ex back." Now many years later I've learned that the tricks these books teach, while the fundamentals were dead on, they never solved the root cause of the problem. Insecure, needy, clingy behavior. Classic door mat. No, this is not another "door mat men" thread but rather a rant about these e-books. I think the people who buy them are getting ripped off. If you are confident and secure in yourself, you grieve over the loss of a relationship and move on to the next one taking what you have learned and applying it going forward. These books should really read: "How to TRICK your ex into wanting you back, only to have you lose them again because you didn't change who you were, you just tried some tricks..." Seriously. Men, save your money and buy "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover) if you are sick of being nice and losing your girl. Women, I don't know an equivelent to this book but I am sure there is one out there. What I've learned over the years has helped me a lot (I still haven't gotten past the anger stage with my ex, but that's probably because I haven't met anyone that has knocked me off my feet. Meh). My point is that I know what I did wrong in the past and nothing an e-book on "winning your ex back" helped in the least bit. /rant
OpenBook Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Seriously. Men, save your money and buy "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover) if you are sick of being nice and losing your girl. Women, I don't know an equivelent to this book but I am sure there is one out there. Yeah, it's "Men Who Love B*tches". :lmao:
daphne Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Yeah, it's "Men Who Love B*tches". :lmao: I read that one a long time ago. Seriously, I'm not the same girl anymore. Instead of hanging around for years expecting blood from a turnip, I kick them out after a few months.
Author CaliGuy Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 I read that one a long time ago. Seriously, I'm not the same girl anymore. Instead of hanging around for years expecting blood from a turnip, I kick them out after a few months. Same thing with "No More Mr. Nice Guy" in essence, move on if they aren't reciprocating. Why waste your time on someone that doesn't want to be with you? You will prevent the ones that do from finding you!
D-Lish Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I think it always comes down to respecting yourself, regardless of your gender. I think we must all recognize after being on this site that men and women generally experience similar difficulties and angst when it comes to the opposite sex. "Why men love bitches" IS a book I have read. It does recommend a bit of game playing... but the basic message is to respect yourself first- and that guys that are worthy will remain in play. I'm not going to play the whole "only respond to phone calls and not to texts" BS. But the basic message makes sense- respect yourself.
Trialbyfire Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 As soon as you look at it as "winning someone back", is the minute you're at a disadvantage. What makes more sense is that if both people have really, really, really changed and still care greatly for each other, there might be potential to try again. Beyond that, it's going to crash and burn, no matter how many times you try. Cali, you're never going to get beyond that anger stage until you forgive yourself for caring about someone like your ex. She's a major piece of work! There's no right or wrong about caring, it just happened. If you had known all the red flags that you know now, she would have been kicked to the curb after the first couple of dates.
Author CaliGuy Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 As soon as you look at it as "winning someone back", is the minute you're at a disadvantage. What makes more sense is that if both people have really, really, really changed and still care greatly for each other, there might be potential to try again. Beyond that, it's going to crash and burn, no matter how many times you try. Cali, you're never going to get beyond that anger stage until you forgive yourself for caring about someone like your ex. She's a major piece of work! There's no right or wrong about caring, it just happened. If you had known all the red flags that you know now, she would have been kicked to the curb after the first couple of dates. I did kick her to the curb a couple times. Stupidly, I let good sex bring me back. So it's definitely my fault. I have forgiven to some degree. I don't obsess over her anymore. I don't dream she'll come back (if anything, I have nightmares that she WILL, haha). I'm a good guy. I used to be fun to hang around and I will be again. I'm not going to let myself get drug under the mud anymore. Life's too damn short to not be happy and enjoy it. I know God didn't put me here to be a stump. It starts NOW. haha. Especially on Thursday at KARAOKE
Trialbyfire Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I did kick her to the curb a couple times. Stupidly, I let good sex bring me back. So it's definitely my fault. I have forgiven to some degree. I don't obsess over her anymore. I don't dream she'll come back (if anything, I have nightmares that she WILL, haha). I'm a good guy. I used to be fun to hang around and I will be again. I'm not going to let myself get drug under the mud anymore. Life's too damn short to not be happy and enjoy it. I know God didn't put me here to be a stump. It starts NOW. haha. Especially on Thursday at KARAOKE Come on, forgive yourself. It's not easy getting good sex sometimes. Someone should bring a vid-cam for all you LSers that can sing. Have a great time!
Jake Barnes Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Instead of these stupid how to books why not read something thats actually interesting. Read enough interesting books and then life becomes more interesting, you become more interested and you may even become more interesting....not directed at anyone personally, I just hate relationship psychology books
Storyrider Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Instead of these stupid how to books why not read something thats actually interesting. Read enough interesting books and then life becomes more interesting, you become more interested and you may even become more interesting....not directed at anyone personally, I just hate relationship psychology books What a positive, helpful post. Who are you?
johan Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I've been reading International Trade - Theory and Evidence. Will that make me interesting? I also have The Bicycle Wheel by Jobst Brandt. I hope that will make for some interesting dining conversation with Ms. Right (now).
Author CaliGuy Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Come on, forgive yourself. It's not easy getting good sex sometimes. It wasn't just "good", it was GREAT. Like that time we rocked the truck in a crowded mall parking lot at 9pm. That was a lark. "Why are people slowly walking by the truck? Oh wait, it's because it's rocking pretty hard..." (Keep staring ya freaks!!!!) ROFL, those were the days. Someone should bring a vid-cam for all you LSers that can sing. Have a great time! My cell phone records video. I'll secretly tape Tanbark muahahaah.
Author CaliGuy Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 I've been reading International Trade - Theory and Evidence. Will that make me interesting? I also have The Bicycle Wheel by Jobst Brandt. I hope that will make for some interesting dining conversation with Ms. Right (now). You don't happen to have "Underwater Basket-weaving for Dummies" handy do ya? I'm feeling the itch to make myself more interesting too
xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 It wasn't just "good", it was GREAT. Like that time we rocked the truck in a crowded mall parking lot at 9pm. That was a lark. "Why are people slowly walking by the truck? Oh wait, it's because it's rocking pretty hard..." (Keep staring ya freaks!!!!) ROFL, those were the days. LMAO:lmao: You're wild. My cell phone records video. I'll secretly tape Tanbark muahahaah. Can't believe you guys sing... Oh and books never work.... We're just too desperate to try. But the bitches book was awesome. Can't complain about that one.
Author CaliGuy Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 LMAO:lmao: You're wild. Ummm, that wasn't even the half of it Can't believe you guys sing... Some of us sing and some of us cackle. I could be one or the other, I haven't decided yet Oh and books never work.... We're just too desperate to try. But the bitches book was awesome. Can't complain about that one. Same with No More Mr Nice Guy. Definitely great for an attitude adjustment that fixes the root cause of the door mat syndrome
WiseOne1 Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 E Books work but not for long. I wouldnt even spend the money on a E Book, its not because of the product, its that I dont think my ex is worth the 30$ they cost. For that fact instead of buying a E Book on "How to get your ex Back", I would buy one for "How to get over your ex". So caliguy did the E Books for you ever work?
Lovely Disaster Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 The one you're talking about is in the same category as the other books you condemn. They're all "Get your confidence back, be more of a prize" type stuff.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 "Why men love bitches" IS a book I have read. It does recommend a bit of game playing... but the basic message is to respect yourself first- and that guys that are worthy will remain in play. False. Two of my exs use to pursue me because they thought game playing was the way to go. They have books like that for losing a man who does not play relationship games. If you love them, you don't have to play with their feelings to have them prove it. If you are open and honest with how you feel and the are receptive and responsive to that, that is all the proof you need. And vice versa. I don't have time to figure out if I am in the ball park or what you want. There are more interesting games of love to play. Oh, and I would never read books like that. They tend to give false hopes because a lot of people skip many problems such books may not deal with. For example, I am sure a strong willed person is not going to go back to a old abuser if he reads how to get your ex back. Just like a guy does what a woman who is bold and will stand up for herself, but anyone who has any self worth and understanding that a relationship is a partnership and if she is acting like a bitch, he is not going to stay no matter how good she looks or how great the sex is... You don't believe so? I've pasted up too women who met my sexual needs and who were hot enough to be models... But, there attitudes only gave them a few dates before I had to go bye, bye. DNR
OpenBook Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I wouldnt even spend the money on a E Book, its not because of the product, its that I dont think my ex is worth the 30$ they cost. :lmao: I hear you, WiseOne!! And I think that just about encapsulates the whole secret to getting over the ex. It's just not worth all the pain and angst and drama. Who needs it?!?? You got too much to do. Daylight's burnin'.
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