bentnotbroken Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Curious, how does the ring bother some, but not the fact that he is married? Kind of seems like splitting hairs.
OWoman Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 A wedding ring symbolizes the eternal love and commitment a person makes to another. Wearing that ring demontrates to others they continue to hold to that sentiment. Wearing it while making love to another is a serious contradiction of the symbolism. Are rings that common there, for men too? Here it's common for MW to wear rings, or even women who are engaged, but very few men wear rings. (I guess it's just not a macho thing to do ) So I've never had to face the issue of any of my MMs wearing rings with me or not. I didn't even know current MM had a ring. When I met him he wasn't wearing one. Then one day I saw a profoundly urrrrrgly ring lying next to his computer and I took it too him and told him his W had left her ring there, best he put it somewhere safe before it got lost... and he hit the roof and told me the whole story about how the M had been for tax purposes, so there was no ring, no party, nothing to mark it - by her insistence since she felt it would compromise her independence. And then, years later, she'd started throwing huge hints about these "really nice :sick:" rings she'd seen so he finally bought her one. She sulked because he bought one for her, and not a matching one for himself, but he didn't want one and told her he was only doing it for her because she'd wanted it. So she didn't wear it for ages, and then started wearing it and bought him one for his birthday. Knowing he didn't want one. Knowing he thought it was a particularly ugly ring. So he didn't wear it. The ring was there because they'd had a fight and she'd thrown it at him. He left it where it fell - until I picked it up and it reminded him. I don't think he has a thing against rings per se - after the first professions of and deciding we wanted to be together, he rushed out and bought me the most beautiful (classic, clean, elegant) ring. I'm not a jewellery wearing person - surfing, it's likely to get lost - so how he anticipated my taste so well was a mystery, but he got it spot on. I haven't bought him a ring but I did buy him a really stunning watch that he wears all the time
Lyssa Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 FMM lost his ring at the golf course 2 years after they got married!
OWoman Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 FMM lost his ring at the golf course 2 years after they got married! How Freudian is that!
Lyssa Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 How Freudian is that! I said the same thing to him. Exactly that! His xW lost hers somewhere and he wanted to get new ones but she said not to bother . I guess to some people it isn't important.
White Flower Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Are rings that common there, for men too? Yes, we Americans are very symbolic people. People gawk if they know you are married but are not wearing a ring. Unsafe at the job is really the only acceptable answer, or the ring needs resizing. It can also be a status symbol. The bigger the stone the more wealth someone has. I even had a girlfriend envy the large rock on another woman's hand and she whispered into my ear, 'I wonder what SHE does for him!?'
White Flower Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 FMM lost his ring at the golf course 2 years after they got married! What is FMM? Future married man?
Lookingforward Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 What is FMM? Future married man? former MM ? fatalistic MM
Lyssa Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Yes, we Americans are very symbolic people. People gawk if they know you are married but are not wearing a ring. Unsafe at the job is really the only acceptable answer, or the ring needs resizing. It can also be a status symbol. The bigger the stone the more wealth someone has. I even had a girlfriend envy the large rock on another woman's hand and she whispered into my ear, 'I wonder what SHE does for him!?' It's the same here. They'd give you the 'dagger' look if you're married and have no rings on. Aah status symbol. I just realised recently that my SIL's stone is huge. In her industry, the bigger the better. What is FMM? Future married man? Formerly Married Man.
OWoman Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Yes, we Americans are very symbolic people. People gawk if they know you are married but are not wearing a ring. Unsafe at the job is really the only acceptable answer, or the ring needs resizing. It can also be a status symbol. The bigger the stone the more wealth someone has. I even had a girlfriend envy the large rock on another woman's hand and she whispered into my ear, 'I wonder what SHE does for him!?' Huge stones are so gaudy, IMO. Like gansta bling. I prefer classic elegance, understated and timeless. I suppose the symbolism here is that women typically derive their status from who they're with, so a ring symbolises that they've succeeded in landing someone. Men typically derive their status from what they achieve -through work, mostly - and so their relationship status doesn't add to that (and might well detract from it, by placing them "off limits"?)
GreenEyedLady Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Curious, how does the ring bother some, but not the fact that he is married? Kind of seems like splitting hairs. Actually, BNB, it really does bother the majority of OW (him being married). The ones that love their MM want him to be with them, exclusively. It's not splitting hairs at all. Most of the time, the MM tells his OW that he loves her, that he's unhappy, that he wants to be with HER, the OW. He will give excuses as to why he is still there. For the single, in love OW, seeing the ring is like a slap in the face. It is an indicator that he is not telling the truth, that he is still committed to the M. Honestly, OW don't want to be the OW (well, most of them). And they really don't want to be hurting anyone. P.S. No, mine never wore his ring. I never even saw it until we moved in together.
bentnotbroken Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Actually, BNB, it really does bother the majority of OW (him being married). The ones that love their MM want him to be with them, exclusively. It's not splitting hairs at all. Most of the time, the MM tells his OW that he loves her, that he's unhappy, that he wants to be with HER, the OW. He will give excuses as to why he is still there. For the single, in love OW, seeing the ring is like a slap in the face. It is an indicator that he is not telling the truth, that he is still committed to the M. Honestly, OW don't want to be the OW (well, most of them). And they really don't want to be hurting anyone. P.S. No, mine never wore his ring. I never even saw it until we moved in together. I have to admit all I have to go on is the ow I deal with and the ones I pesonally know. Not only did they know the guy was married, most of them knew the family or of the family. So I guess it is hard for me to invision someone not wanting to be ow. Thanks for the answer.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I have to admit all I have to go on is the ow I deal with and the ones I pesonally know. Not only did they know the guy was married, most of them knew the family or of the family. So I guess it is hard for me to invision someone not wanting to be ow. Thanks for the answer. I know. There are lots of variations out there and all we have is what our experience is. You had a really horrible one who had serious problems. And I know that there are a percentage of those out there too. But alot of OW are really just normal, average women who find themselves in something with a life of it's own. Not to take personal responsibility out of it. That's just a whole other discussion. Peace to you friend. You are a good woman with a good heart. GEL
silktricks Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I'd like to add that not every American is the same either. I personally do not like large or gaudy, my Tate runs very much to the simple. Also, no man in my family, father, brother and son included wear wedding rings, though all are married..
Lyssa Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I'd like to add that not every American is the same either. I personally do not like large or gaudy, my Tate runs very much to the simple. Also, no man in my family, father, brother and son included wear wedding rings, though all are married.. Men wear rings here - well not all but I see most do have rings on them. Yup, anything too big is gaudy, tacky especially if you have tiny slim fingers! You should see the look on my face when I saw my SIL's... weird how I didn't notice it earlier!
NoIDidn't Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 It still seems like splitting hairs, though. The man goes home to his W and he puts the ring back on to keep her from knowing his *true* feelings about it. To me, if I am going to demand that he keep it off when he's with me, then I want it off FOREVER from that point on. Not just when I see him. That just seems silly to me. What happens when you run into the *allegely* unhappy couple and see the two of them wearing their rings - especially him wearing his? No amount of explaining how he has to to keep her in the dark about our love until the timing is just right is going to do it for me. (None of this is said to wound the OP, just general conversing about this topic. So the *yous* are generally speaking.) This is somewhat O/T but help me out with this line of logic/reasoning, because its all pot/kettle from where I'm sitting: Wedding license - just a piece of paper (a very legal one) Wedding ring - an eternal symbol (not legal value at all) The license and vows are negligible artifacts, but the ring is of major importance to put away? Or do I have it all wrong? I've never dated married guys, but I did date a few committed guys. So I don't know what it feels like with the rings issue. Plus, my H's fingers grew and he couldn't wear his ring until I got him a new one. It never bothered me that he didn't wear it. It bothers him when I don't wear mine, though. I don't like to wear mine, but I do since its a simple way to make him happy, because its two rings and they look more like handcuffs to the creative thinker (me, LOL).
GreenEyedLady Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Wedding license - just a piece of paper (a very legal one) Wedding ring - an eternal symbol (not legal value at all) The license and vows are negligible artifacts, but the ring is of major importance to put away? Or do I have it all wrong? The license and vows are part of the past. The ring is the past, present and future. Like I said it was never an issue in my R because he never wore it in the first place (would've tipped me off). If he ever had, it would've pissed me off. Maybe I'm just an irrational biotch but I wouldn't have stayed with someone who would wear his ring and have a R with me. I don't know if that really explains anything, I'm sure it doesn't, but I'm trying to explain it and I can't really find the words. The ring is the reality. Does the OW's face have to be rubbed in it all the time? Even by the man who claims to love her? There, I guess that is it. As illogical as it sounds. As much as the BS doesn't think it should matter, it just does. GEL
White Flower Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I don't like to wear mine' date=' but I do since its a simple way to make him happy, because its two rings and they look more like handcuffs to the creative thinker (me, LOL).[/quote'] Ha ha, that is cute! GEL said it well, 'The ring is the reality. Does the OW's face have to be rubbed in it all the time? Even by the man who claims to love her?' Our culture says the ring symbolizes the past, present, and future. When the MM claims to love the other woman, he shouldn't dishonor her, at least in her presence, by wearing the symbol of his eternal love to another. I think I may have just started a new subject: The two-faced man. OWs: just be grateful he didn't wear his W's ring, his OOW's necklace, and another OOOW's bracelet while he made love to you. Ha! I should have given him a nose ring!
Kamikaze Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Ha ha, that is cute! GEL said it well, 'The ring is the reality. Does the OW's face have to be rubbed in it all the time? Even by the man who claims to love her?' Our culture says the ring symbolizes the past, present, and future. When the MM claims to love the other woman, he shouldn't dishonor her, at least in her presence, by wearing the symbol of his eternal love to another. I think I may have just started a new subject: The two-faced man. OWs: just be grateful he didn't wear his W's ring, his OOW's necklace, and another OOOW's bracelet while he made love to you. Ha! I should have given him a nose ring! You are toooo Funny! Most of them have a ring in their nose already!
GreenEyedLady Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I think I may have just started a new subject: The two-faced man. OWs: just be grateful he didn't wear his W's ring, his OOW's necklace, and another OOOW's bracelet while he made love to you. Ha! I should have given him a nose ring! Wow! I don't think 2 faced covers it! ((WF))
White Flower Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 You are toooo Funny! Most of them have a ring in their nose already! Ha ha! I could have given him a pair of diamone earrings? Geez, with so many OWs, what was left to give him? I feel so cheap. All I gave him was a drawing I made of us. I guess I was the one who wanted to spare his W of wondering where the gifts had come from. And when I asked him where he stored the drawing, he couldn't remember. He probably threw it away. It must be so very difficult to store all the secret treasures of the many, many OWs who lie in your wake. What to do, what to do.
NoIDidn't Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 The license and vows are part of the past. The ring is the past, present and future. If he ever had, it would've pissed me off. Maybe I'm just an irrational biotch but I wouldn't have stayed with someone who would wear his ring and have a R with me. I don't know if that really explains anything, I'm sure it doesn't, but I'm trying to explain it and I can't really find the words. The ring is the reality. Does the OW's face have to be rubbed in it all the time? Even by the man who claims to love her? There, I guess that is it. As illogical as it sounds. As much as the BS doesn't think it should matter, it just does. GEL Thanks for the explanation of the rationale. I guess I see the vows and the license as more important than the ring. Fat fingers, work hazards, whatever. Doesn't matter to me if my H wears one or not. Now, if he claims to like it, but doesn't wear it every now and then (especially when dressed up), then, yeah, I'd be a little perturbed. I'm with you, though. I couldn't be with a man that had another woman's ring on while he wanted to continue a R with me. It doesn't float with me. Am I the only woman that thinks the two rings a woman wears resembles handcuffs, or shackles? And having a big rock or set of rocks doesn't change the feeling for me. I must be weird. Growing up in the South doesn't help. You know, the jocks like giving the girl their Letter Jacket to show "who she's with". Ugggghh!!!
Mino Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 mine took off the ring when he moved out... he still has it off to this day.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Am I the only woman that thinks the two rings a woman wears resembles handcuffs' date=' or shackles? And having a big rock or set of rocks doesn't change the feeling for me. I must be weird. [/quote'] But NID, handcuffs can be soooooo fun!
NoIDidn't Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 But NID, handcuffs can be soooooo fun! Tried it. Hated it. Not one for bondage.
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