misternoname Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Brief history...married to my high school sweetheart for 24 years. She's cheated in the past. I haven't. I always forgave and took her back. All seemed well for a long time until the beginning of the year. Her and her best friend started doing a lot of "girls nights out." They turned into all-nighters. She came to me and asked if I would be interested in an open marriage. I was shocked and of course said no. She then suggested a temporary separation with the idea of picking up where we left off after a year. Again, I refused and she promised to back off. Soon after, she started locking her phone, changing and locking her email, etc. Based on her past I knew she was up to no good again. After a lot of self PI work I discovered she had been seeing a guy she met in a bar on one of their "ventures." After busting her, she decided to move out for 30 days to seek therapy and figure out what was wrong with her. She ended the affair and vowed not to date during the 30 days. I went along and agreed to the "rules." Two weeks into her hiatus, she came to me and said she felt like she did need to date. I was very disappointed. Come to find out, she had already met yet another guy and was already seeing him. At the end of her 30 day lease she moved to a permanent apartment and signed a 6 month lease. I started dating myself, preparing for the inevitable divorce. She brought me a contract from a mediator. I signed it and assumed all was on track to finish the marriage. She has done nothing with the paperwork since. We went to a joint counseling meeting. She announced that she was "leaning" toward divorce but still wasn't certain. I know the responses I'll get will be of the gist of what an idiot I am, etc. but the real problem is two fold. One, I still love her and wish she would change and stop this behavior once and for all (I know...once a cheater, always a cheater) and secondly from a financial/family point of view a tremendous amount is at stake. With the exception of the infidelity, we actually got along well and were very compatible. I've been out a lot with several ladies and have had a good time but none of it seems real or even a little meaningful. I'm trying very hard to separate emotionally but it's so damned hard. How do you force yourself to fall out of love with someone? Never been so conflicted and miserable in my entire life! Ideas???
Billy Bob Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Ahh I feel for you! This is going to drag on and on... it's going to kill you slowly. She wants out, she doesn't want you. She's waiting until the right opportunity comes along and you are then history. You need to 1. Protect yourself financially - Monitor your credit, be ready to close all joint accounts the day of your legal seperation (day you serve her with divorce papers) 2. Draw up divorce paperwork - You need to file first. 3. Proceed with divorce If you still want to reconcile later, you can do it on your terms. You are being manipulated and used. Go ahead and love her all you want. Tell her that you can get remarried if she wants later, but you need to do what you need to do. Don't be a doormat. You will be much happier down the line.
TrustInYourself Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Agreed. Give her something to really think about.
LakesideDream Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 My marriage ended as well after 25 years. The situation was a little different, but the situation was similar enough to comment. There is literally nothing you can do. You are in a position of total impotence. She is literally holding ALL of the cards. She's even holding the cards originally delt to you. By allowing her to "have her space" and to open the marriage without your agreement, you have actually enabled her to continue her infidelity. It's to late for you to snatch back what's already flowed under the bridge, and floated down that river. It's time to protect yourself and prepare for the inevitable exit your stbxw is about to execute. She has joined the ranks of Walk away Wives... ado.
TrustInYourself Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Walk away wives only deserve one thing from a committed and loving husband. That's for the husband to walk away. It's funny. It's irony. Walk away and make preparations for life without her. Best wishes.
Recommended Posts