Why would he ignore me after the break up when he said he wanted to be friends?

[annalisavk]

He broke up with me because he was mad at me over something stupid--he did the cliche thing and said we could be friends. A week later I contacted him, he said he wasn't mad at me anymore. I asked him if he wanted to be friends again, and he said yes. But now he is ignoring me! Why? (I asked him...he continued to ignore me...)

also..it's interesting because before he ignored me and after he said he still wanted to be friends, I asked him if he was lying to me and if he actually wanted me to leave him alone...but he said "definitely not"...so what's his deal?

[Keridan]

He's scared and confused. That would be my guess. I don't know anything about your relationship or why you broke up, but I know there were times where I broke up with a girl and felt so stupid afterwards that I just wanted to hide and never hear from her again. Usually, I got over it after a while and things went fine.

 

Is it possible he wishes he could have you back but feels like too much of an ass?

[annalisavk]

He's scared and confused. That would be my guess. I don't know anything about your relationship or why you broke up, but I know there were times where I broke up with a girl and felt so stupid afterwards that I just wanted to hide and never hear from her again. Usually, I got over it after a while and things went fine.

 

Is it possible he wishes he could have you back but feels like too much of an ass?

 

Thanks for the input. I guess it is possible, but knowing him, unlikely.

 

If it helps, he broke up with me because he was angry with me for telling my closest friends some intimate details of our relationship. But I also think part of it is he lost interest and I heard through the grapevine that he had been "looking for a reason" to dump me the last week of our relationship.

 

I apologized for the first part, and he SAYS he's not mad at me anymore. The 2nd part seems irrelevant to why he may be ignoring me though, because I've made it clear that all I want is to be friends. (Which is the truth. I would never want to get back with him.)

 

Do you think maybe, even though he was the one to lose interest and dump me first, that he is somehow not over it yet and that is why he is ignoring me? I'm just perplexed.

[oregonbigc]

My ex said she wanted to be friends, and I haven't heard from her at all, she is dating a new guy now and seems to have forgotten me. I am wondering if I should try and contact her, although email may be the best avenue, because last time we spoke she said we should give each other phone space, cause she needed space, but she said email would be fine. Not sure if maybe your guy is trying to move on or why he isn't responding, but that may be the case as sorry as i am to have to bring that up. Should I email or nc? we havent contacted each other in 2 weeks.

[annalisavk]

My ex said she wanted to be friends, and I haven't heard from her at all, she is dating a new guy now and seems to have forgotten me. I am wondering if I should try and contact her, although email may be the best avenue, because last time we spoke she said we should give each other phone space, cause she needed space, but she said email would be fine. Not sure if maybe your guy is trying to move on or why he isn't responding, but that may be the case as sorry as i am to have to bring that up. Should I email or nc? we havent contacted each other in 2 weeks.

 

If that is the case with my ex, I wouldn't mind, really. Friends is all I want. (Even though I pretty much know there is nobody else, lol, I am his only experience...) If I were in your situation though, I would make sure you are completely ok with just being platonic with her before e-mailing her. Otherwise continue the nc. I made the mistake of contacting my ex a few times before being over him, and it just prolonged the healing process.

[Keridan]

I still hold to that he's confused and doesn't know what he's doing. It sounds like he was a jerk and either feels bad or wants you back. If he's a nice kinda guy, the being a jerk can be plenty reason to hide for a while.

 

And just to note, I've broken up with women then taken much longer to get over them. Knowing the relationship won't work isn't the same thing as getting over it. I once broke up with a girl because I knew I couldn't handle the relationship with her. She was too different (and I thought too good for me) and it made me insecure sometimes. So I ended it before I could make a bigger ass out of myself. I took almost a year to stop thinking about her every single day.

 

Maybe try to be patient with him. One way or another, he's probably regretting the decision. Even if it's only cuz he feels like an a-hole. It's up to you if you want to give up, but that almost garauntees you won't be friends again ever.

[annalisavk]

I still hold to that he's confused and doesn't know what he's doing. It sounds like he was a jerk and either feels bad or wants you back. If he's a nice kinda guy, the being a jerk can be plenty reason to hide for a while.

 

And just to note, I've broken up with women then taken much longer to get over them. Knowing the relationship won't work isn't the same thing as getting over it. I once broke up with a girl because I knew I couldn't handle the relationship with her. She was too different (and I thought too good for me) and it made me insecure sometimes. So I ended it before I could make a bigger ass out of myself. I took almost a year to stop thinking about her every single day.

 

Maybe try to be patient with him. One way or another, he's probably regretting the decision. Even if it's only cuz he feels like an a-hole. It's up to you if you want to give up, but that almost garauntees you won't be friends again ever.

 

If he felt bad, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't ignore me. If he wanted me back, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't ignore me also. It doesn't seem very...guy-like? Who knows though?

And that's interesting. I just never thought it was possible for a guy to dump a girl and then have trouble getting over it, not sure why...

 

I don't know how much more patient I can be when I can't figure out if he was being truthful or not... I haven't contacted him for almost a week now. He hasn't made any attempts either (but then again he hasn't since we broke up). I just feel like if he really wants to be friends he owes it to me to make SOME effort to contact me since I've been doing it all. Hopefully, he will come around and do so...but otherwise, I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I do care about our friendship but I am sick of trying to figure him out

[Chinook]

"Let's be friends" is a cliché for "I don't want to hurt you and am trying to let you down gently". Sorry to be harsh, but it is. There are very few relationships move straight from the romance to friends without a decent period of time passing.

[Keridan]

I would say that you have done your part. You have tried and yet been patient. Can't ask for more. I guess I would suggest that you move forward with your life and just leave the door open for him if he wants to use it some day. He likely isn't ready, no matter what the reason, to move to friends yet.

 

Just have fun with the other aspects of your life. Letting it go for now doesn't mean you can't ever speak to him again when he's ready.

[annalisavk]

"Let's be friends" is a cliché for "I don't want to hurt you and am trying to let you down gently". Sorry to be harsh, but it is. There are very few relationships move straight from the romance to friends without a decent period of time passing.

 

Oh, I know. But if he was trying to "let me down gently" he definitely didn't do a good job of it based on his other actions, and if he didn't want to be friends he blatantly lied to me 3 times, including when I asked him to give me a straight no-bull**** answer. It just doesn't add up. His actions contradict his words.

[annalisavk]

I would say that you have done your part. You have tried and yet been patient. Can't ask for more. I guess I would suggest that you move forward with your life and just leave the door open for him if he wants to use it some day. He likely isn't ready, no matter what the reason, to move to friends yet.

 

Just have fun with the other aspects of your life. Letting it go for now doesn't mean you can't ever speak to him again when he's ready.

 

Good advice. Thanks for your help.

[stlnsmile]

His actions contradict his words.

 

I think you are answering your own question:)

[Trialbyfire]

Oh, I know. But if he was trying to "let me down gently" he definitely didn't do a good job of it based on his other actions, and if he didn't want to be friends he blatantly lied to me 3 times, including when I asked him to give me a straight no-bull**** answer. It just doesn't add up. His actions contradict his words.

People nowadays are convinced that in order to be a nice, mature person, you have to be friends with your exes. I say b/s! Until you've had the chance to get over the roller coaster of emotions, being friends can be impossible. I suspect he's roller coastering too.

 

Also, some people are very concerned about their reputations, in not wanting other people to view them as poor risks for future relationships. By saying he wants to be friends, can potentially stop any bad rumours.

 

People don't think of the person they're broken up with. They're thinking about themselves. This isn't a bitter comment, just a little reality.

[justaman99]

My guess is that you're both really young and don't have enough relationship experience under your belt. I would guess either late teens but more likely about 22?

 

-Just

[LikeCharlotte]

Oh, I know. But if he was trying to "let me down gently" he definitely didn't do a good job of it based on his other actions, and if he didn't want to be friends he blatantly lied to me 3 times, including when I asked him to give me a straight no-bull**** answer. It just doesn't add up. His actions contradict his words.

I just went through this, almost to the letter what you are saying here. I still have no answers but it seems we have graduated to not even being on speaking terms. My ex lied and did weird things as well. Some say its guilt, others say he was just being nice... I say there is something wrong with a person who behaves this way. Especially when given every opportunity to tell you what is really up. It sucks and it is lame on his part. Feel free to browse my posts and avoid pitfalls. I'd like to think all of it was worth something to someone.

For Just - ummm we are in our mid 30's... *sigh*

[justaman99]

Men suck even in their 30s.

 

-Just

[Habibti]

My ex wants to be friends. Meh. Not ever gonna happen. I have no intentions of ever seeing/calling/writing/emailing him ever again. Strangely I've even lost the desire too.

 

As for someone who said they didn't think guys who dumped the girls had a hard time getting over it..I litterally had one ex who came back into my life after 8 years...tell me that after he broke up with me..it took him years to get over me, and that in a sense he still wasn't because seeing me just riled up all those emotions. I was sure surprised!

[annalisavk]

I think you are answering your own question:)

 

How so? My question is why would he do something like that?

[annalisavk]

My ex wants to be friends. Meh. Not ever gonna happen. I have no intentions of ever seeing/calling/writing/emailing him ever again. Strangely I've even lost the desire too.

 

As for someone who said they didn't think guys who dumped the girls had a hard time getting over it..I litterally had one ex who came back into my life after 8 years...tell me that after he broke up with me..it took him years to get over me, and that in a sense he still wasn't because seeing me just riled up all those emotions. I was sure surprised!

 

Did you lie and say you still wanted to be friends? If so, what was going through your head when you did that?

 

That sure is interesting. What were your ex's reasons for dumping you?

[annalisavk]

My guess is that you're both really young and don't have enough relationship experience under your belt. I would guess either late teens but more likely about 22?

 

-Just

 

I am 17, he is 16. So, yes, we are young--this was both of our first relationships.

[Habibti]

Did you lie and say you still wanted to be friends? If so, what was going through your head when you did that?

 

That sure is interesting. What were your ex's reasons for dumping you?

 

Well, this last time...he broke up with me..said he wanted to be friends. At the time, I said yeah I hope we can be friends again one day too. At the time I meant what I said, but now I realise the smartest thing I can do is keep him out of my life because otherwise he is just a potential threat to hurt me.