BlueEyedGirl Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Lauren, I think that your problem is that you view this in black and white terms. Either he IS interested or he IS not. And if he is not then why is he making any contact? Well, this guy is very mildly interested from what you have written. His interest in you is about 100 times lower that your interest in him, that much is clear. Unless you can really chill out, I wouldn't recommend pursuing something where there is such a high interest level missmatch. You are going to end up heartbroken.
imbewildered Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Lauren, I think that your problem is that you view this in black and white terms. Either he IS interested or he IS not. And if he is not then why is he making any contact? Well, this guy is very mildly interested from what you have written. His interest in you is about 100 times lower that your interest in him, that much is clear. Unless you can really chill out, I wouldn't recommend pursuing something where there is such a high interest level missmatch. You are going to end up heartbroken. The first two sentences of this quote are on the money. The rest is mush. To the OP - I give up . Go ahead and take all the wishy washy dithering advice from the hens here and do NOTHING... the guy will NOT pursue you after that because he detects NO signs of life in you, and he will find someone else who has a spark of courage.. Your problem is solved.
Author Laurenwho Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 Just an update about the guy who I wasnt sure if he was interested in me or not. I haven't initiated contact with him at all. Last friday he sent me a text message asking how I've been and that he hoped I had a good day. Earlier this week he sent me a cute message on myspace. I still did not contact him other than to reply to his text. Last night he sent me a nice text message (I like cats and he included this joke picture of a cat in the text message) and then after he sent me the text message he called me and I let it go to voicemail because I was curious what he wanted. He said he was just calling to talk. I haven't called him back yet. Its just odd to me that I'm making no effort to keep in touch with him yet, he keeps contacting me more often. He hasn't asked me out yet- but we DO live almost 4 hours away from eachother so getting together for a date would require A LOT of planning. Any thoughts?
Jilly Bean Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Lauren - in all honesty, what are you trying to gain from continuing to post on this site? You have received 4 pages of advice that you ignore, yet bounce on here once a week or so with an "update" that he sent you a text message, which is not an update, just a continuation of the original posting. Nothing in your situation changes, yet you still are obsessing over this guy. Not sure what kind of help you are trying to find here, considering you dismiss everything that folks have had to say. I give up. Good luck sorting it out.
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Just an update about the guy who I wasnt sure if he was interested in me or not. I haven't initiated contact with him at all. Last friday he sent me a text message asking how I've been and that he hoped I had a good day. Earlier this week he sent me a cute message on myspace. I still did not contact him other than to reply to his text. Last night he sent me a nice text message (I like cats and he included this joke picture of a cat in the text message) and then after he sent me the text message he called me and I let it go to voicemail because I was curious what he wanted. He said he was just calling to talk. I haven't called him back yet. Its just odd to me that I'm making no effort to keep in touch with him yet, he keeps contacting me more often. He hasn't asked me out yet- but we DO live almost 4 hours away from eachother so getting together for a date would require A LOT of planning. Any thoughts? I know why he's not been in a relationship for a while. He keeps picking the wrong women. Get a grip! You do realise that YOU blew him out?
mental_traveller Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Why not just ASK him if he's interested in you? Stop all this mincing around and get to the point.
Isolde Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I'd pursue him only if you think you'd regret it deeply if you didn't.
nab0610 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 personally i consider myself to be someone with quite a few of those qualities and i don't get into relationships very often...not because i can't because i choose not to if i was going to get into a relationship with a woman i like to know what i'm getting into...maybe thats a bad thing as i don't give things a shot...but personally when i find someone i like who likes me i tend to go all in on it...i'll put my all into everything i do i'll spend tons of time trying to figure things out trying to be the best that i can for a girl if i was you i'd give it a go...the worst thats going to happen is your going to get hurt...the best he'll be the guy of your dreams...you don't want to look back and wonder what if?
dcgirl33 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Anyway, I think I was right about this guy. He just doesn't seem like relationship material. I hate to think my sister and BIL were wrong about him but I just don't get the vibe that he is into me. maybe I am reading too much into this but he and I have been casual friends (we don't talk about anything deep) for the last year or so. We actually talked a few times 3 years ago (when we were "introduced") My sister told me to email him (before I left my ex) and so I did as I hadn't talked to him since christmas. He sent me back this nice long happy to hear from me email. we emailed back and forth for a week or so. WHen I broke up with my ex I wasnt' thinking of hooking up with with this guy. It wasn't till afterward that my sister and her hubby told me that he was happy I left my ex and that he really likes me. I had sent him an email and I was joking about him coming on vacation with me for a week to the beach. Well he kinda took me seriously and called my BIL to find out if I was serious about the invitation. Then my BIL called me and told me how much this guy (his best friend) likes me and that he wanted to go on vacation with us. He ended up sending me an email saying that he couldn't get the time off but that he wouldve liked to spend the week with me and thanks for the invite. Well, now knowing he likes me I sent him a flirty email back. Not suggestive flirty but just playful flirty. I told him that I was only joking about the vacation thing but that I was happy he took me seriously and wanted to go. I added that "I wouldn't mind spending a week with you;)" and I also referenced something that my BIL told me. He said his friend liked my pics of last year's beach trip that I had on my space. One is me in a bikini (obviously as I'm at the beach) and BIL said his friend liked that pic. So in my email I joked that I needed his regular email address to send him some pics I thought he'd like. It was just a joke as I was actually going to try to be funny and send him a pic off the internet of an 80 yr old lady in a bikini and tell him gee I don't look like I did last year- just as a joke (he is a guy who would get it). I sent the email last thursday. And I never heard from him. Normally he answers my emails in a day or two. He checks his email every day. So I know he got it (it said my email was read). But he never replied. So I began to doubt what I wrote (that maybe he was offended or actually thought I was going to send him naked pics and thats why he didn't write back?? So finally yesterday (after 6 days of no reply) I sent him another email just saying hi and sorry if I offended him and that I was just joking. I then asked him about his weekend. He answered right away (within a few hours) and said he doesn't get offended easily and that he likes to joke around too and its good I have a great sense of humor. He gave me his regular email address and told me to email or call him anytime. He talked about his weekend and how he wanted to go to a particular amusement park (that is about an hour from me) but that he got stood up and then he told me if I'd never been there I should go because its awesome. Didn't invite me though. His email was just like all the others we've exchanged. Nothing flirty in it, nothing that would suggest he has any interest in me other than as a friend. he has my phone number (well he used to) and if he doesn't know he could easily get it from my sister (he is good friends with her). He just doesn't seem into me at ALL. My sister and BIL were telling me how much he likes me and was excited I left my guy. and how happy he was that he thought I invited him to vacation with us. I doubt they would lie to me and if they did then that really was a low thing to do and it hurts. I just dont' think he's into me because I'm always the one who emails him first and also because he didn't reply to my slightly flirty email at all. but then he tells me (in two separate emails) to call or email him anytime. I don't get it. I haven't dated in a long time but am I missing something or is my instinct that he just isn't into me correct? Trust your instincts. There is something wrong with him. Either he didn;t like that you were kidding about the vacation or he didn't like the bikini picture and the other person having seen it. If a seemingly great guy is a available for a long period of time, there is a DAMN GOOD reason. It may or may not be a BAD reason, but there is a reason for it. It's no accident. There a a couple of guys here at work who are in their late 40's and single. At first, I had no idea why. After 5 years of looking at them, it is clear why they are single. Don't fall for it. Stop emailing him. He's got a problem and you just got a glymps of it. Don't stick around for the full view.
djhall Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 One thing I know for sure (as was recently reconfirmed in my OWN dating life), is that if a guy is interested - he WILL call you, he WILL date you, and he WILL make his interest known. Why does everyone assume this? I know several men who will do everything possible to avoid having to ask a woman on a date, and no surprise here, despite being otherwise eligible they tend to not date much. It is a possible explaination for his behavior. He tells your friends he is interested in you. He maintains contact so you don't forget about him. He drops hints that he would take time off if you asked him to spend time with you or that he has been looking for someone to go to an amusement park with him in the hope that you will offer to go without him having to ask you to. It is possible, there are plenty of guys like this, they don't tend to date much (or cheat much for that mater), and they are sometimes fairly decent partners as long as yo aren't looking for an assertive man.
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