louise08 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 So I've been depressed for too long now. I broke up with my 3 year boyfriend about 5 months ago, because I thought I needed to get out there more and enjoy life with my friends more. Worst mistake of my life. 5 months later he is happy, meeting many girls, partying and I am here writting on some random chat fourm crying. [dont need to bother reading this] We didn't talk 3 months after it all happen, but by then I needed to talk to him.. so I made any excuse to. It was fine, it was a gentleman and always chatting back to me. Every since we started talking again... he would ring me once every 2 weeks around midnight just to chat, he would message me about once every 3 weeks seeing how I was.. and thats about it. I had him stay the night a couple of weeks ago just to catch up and it was such a good night, we hugged the whole night and we were laughing and chatting about old times. He told me heaps he missed me. Then in the morning I broke down and cried and I was like 'I miss you so much!' 'Do you reckon we'll ever get back together?' And he just told me he doesn't want to be in a relationship for a long time, and he is enjoying time with his friends. I just cant stand it!!!! He is making me cry every day and be so depressed, and he is fine. I dont understand how someone can tell you such important things for 3 whole years and then go against them all as soon as you break it off. How can someone feel so strong towards someone and be talking to them/seeing them 24/7 change to talking about once and month when he can be bothered. Someone give me some advice.. I feel so so so alone.
bill1234 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I just cant stand it!!!! He is making me cry every day and be so depressed, and he is fine. I dont understand how someone can tell you such important things for 3 whole years and then go against them all as soon as you break it off.Hey Louise. I feel for you. It does seem really weird when what someone says contradicts what they do - but over the years I've come to understand that 95% of the time, it's what people do that matters. And sometimes saying loving stuff can just become habit. I know when I split up with my wife I was telling her how much I loved her, but three weeks later I was with someone else. The reason was that I wasn't actually feeling it (and nor was she) but we carried on the same patterns of speech. In other words, don't sweat it. He wasn't telling you the truth - not deliberately, but he wasn't following his heart. I am in the same situation as you - my new girlfriend broke my heart and was immediately with someone else. She's happy as anything, and I'm in the depths of despair. But this forum has helped me a lot in the few days since I found it - the main thing to help yourself heal is to break off all contact. Every time you're in contact, you reopen that wound, and his happiness rubs salt into it. You don't want to know what he's doing, as it will only depress you. Block his Facebook, MySpace, don't ask his friends about him. Don't contact him. Just erase him from your life - terribly hard as it is - until you feel ready to face him again as someone you can just observe, rather than someone who makes your heart explode in your chest.
saraispiel19 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Oh darlin' there's a light at the end of every tunnel- promise. What do you do all day? Do you work? Do you go out with friends? Usually if you have nothing to do your mind tends to wander and you get bored and well the big thing for you is your ex. Hmm.. well I don't see you and him together again- esp. after he said that he seems so bungled up in his new life. However if he truly loves you he'll come back around (but don't wait around - a love waited is time wasted!). You definately need to stop trying to contact him (if you do) and spend sometime reflecting and re-inventing yourself into this great new person you truly are! Goodluck and keep us posted!
bill1234 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 It does seem really weird when what someone says contradicts what they do - but over the years I've come to understand that 95% of the time, it's what people do that matters. And sometimes saying loving stuff can just become habit.AND... G*ddamit, after writing that I accidentally stumbled over an email she sent about her forthcoming vacation: "I wish you were coming with me sweetie xxxxx" A week later she stopped taking my calls. A week after that she was with someone else. It's rarely about what people say, it's about what they do.
willyB Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 So I've been depressed for too long now. I broke up with my 3 year boyfriend about 5 months ago, because I thought I needed to get out there more and enjoy life with my friends more. Worst mistake of my life. 5 months later he is happy, meeting many girls, partying and I am here writting on some random chat fourm crying. Swap he with she and thats almost exactly whats happened to me. I feel sorry for you. Don't worry everyone around me says eventually you feel better.
Author louise08 Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Thanks everyone I'm feeling alot brighter this week. I just have come to realization I suppose. The only thing still making me upset... is how he was so happy and in love with and I was his bestfriend and girlfriend, I was the most important thing in his life for nearly 4 years.... and now i am nobody to him. Im finding it hard to deal with that
Crazy.S Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Yeah, the feeling is almost like betrayal, yet its not. I am going through something similar. Dated my ex for 4 years, but she broke up with me and I had hoped she would come back to me. But I found out she's with another guy already. Pretty much all hopes are gone and right now, I just feel empty. The only thing that is working for me is that I am just tired of trying. And I implemented NC for real this time. I hope you feel better, trust me you will. I feel much better, that is why I haven't been very active on this forum lately. But I do get an occasional emotions, but it is not as bad. Good Luck!
orangehose Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 So I've been depressed for too long now. I broke up with my 3 year boyfriend about 5 months ago, because I thought I needed to get out there more and enjoy life with my friends more. Worst mistake of my life. 5 months later he is happy, meeting many girls, partying and I am here writting on some random chat fourm crying. I just cant stand it!!!! He is making me cry every day and be so depressed, and he is fine. I dont understand how someone can tell you such important things for 3 whole years and then go against them all as soon as you break it off. How can someone feel so strong towards someone and be talking to them/seeing them 24/7 change to talking about once and month when he can be bothered. Someone give me some advice.. I feel so so so alone. Do you think he might have felt angry that you broke up with him to 'get out there more'? He may have acted it was okay with him at the time, but felt angry about it afterwards and now some part of him is enjoying the fact that your roles are switched (i.e., you're the one who is longing for him). In any case, there is a reason you broke up with him - the relationship in some way wasn't doing it for you. I know it's hard to think otherwise now, but don't think of this as the 'worst mistake of your life'. It'll hurt for a while, but there will be others... for sure.
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