Do I just need a change in attitude?

[ChefDan.g/vo]

So it's incredibly normal for me to make things harder than they need to be. That being said.

 

I'm a 22 year old somewhat virgin (complicated story) who has had girlfriends before but never made a girlfriend out of a girl he made the move on. My closest friends are in the same boat or worse boats then me in that we for the most part missed alot of experience in HS dating. I grew up under the assumption that any kind of flirting made me a pig.

 

I have an intense crush on a 27 year old bartender at a local punk dive bar. and Keep coming up with reasons not to say anything or ask her out.

 

-She's kind of a punk girl and in the whole underground/indie scene, I want to get into it, but what could I ask her to do without sounding lame? Everything I come up with is probably not her thing.

-She's a bartender, just being nice to a young guy who comes in once in awhile.

-She's five years older than me and I am horribly inexperienced, I'll probably just make her roll her eyes at how little skill/experience I have

 

I'm very concious of all my flaws, she always smiles to me and talks to me when I come in and we have eachother myspace, so I'm definitly more than just another bar dude.

 

I know It's really a getting myself to actually change my attitude and just do it, but I wanted to hear other people's thoughts on it and my friends are just as/more clueless than I am. (though they try) Do you agree that I'm making too big of a deal about it? Maybe you have some advice on how to deal with this kind of girl? ( I know you dont know her, but I mean a 27 year old punky bartender) Maybe just because she's punky she's not so different from other girls? Maybe 5 years is a difference but not an OMG RUN FOR TEH HILLS difference?

 

anyway I appreciate that you even read this far.

[Lauriebell82]

Sounds like you lack confidence in yourself. I noticed that you kept stating that she is a "punky bartender." Is this the kind of girl that you like? Are you in to punk rock and underground/indi stuff? Because if not, you guys might not have a lot in common anyway.

 

Bartenders do tend to be "friendly" especially to guys, because they rely on their customers to give them tips. So even if this girl is flirting with you, it may not mean that she wants to date you.

 

That being said, the age difference could be another factor. I know that age doesn't neccessarily matter, and it is quite possible that she may not care about it. The question is: do YOU care about the age difference? Obviously you are having some reservations about it because you are posting this.

 

Overall my opinion is that if the things you named are NOT dealbreakers for you then you should go for it and ask her out. Maybe just to a restaurant or something. Then you could even see how she responds to you taking her places other than punk bars. Since you don't share the same interest, it will be importnat for you to compromise in where you go out together. If you are into her then just suck it up and go for it. The worst she can say is no!

[JohnnyBlaze]

Disadvantages to her being a bartender:

 

• You won't be able to take her by surprise. She'll see it coming a mile away.
  
• You won't be the first guy to ask her out...that day. As a bartender, she's probably had more people take a shot at her than a range target at Parris Island.
  
• Taking her out for a drink won't work. It's a tight industry, and chances are good that if you pick any bar in town, she'll know people there. Not a good way to set yourself apart from the crowd.
  
• No morning coffee, either. She didn't get off work until 0330 last night (or an hour and a half after last call, whenever that is in your area), so give her a break! Remember the server mantra is "up at the crack of noon"...or later.
  

Advantages to her being a bartender:

 

• Even your WORST possible approach won't be the worst she's ever seen. You'd have to make a conscious effort to claim that title.
  
• Your flaws are like your approach - fugeddaboudit. How many people have come in to her bar, gotten drunk trying to forget some big screwup (lost job, lost girlfriend, whatever) and blabber about all the bad things in their lives? Bartenders are 2 parts server, 1 part therapist. Once again, unless you're Paul Bernardo, she's probably seen worse.
  
• The service industry is generally staffed by people between the ages of 19-30 (depending on what legal age is in your area), so she's used to hanging around 22 year olds.
  

Being a punk says that she doesn't conform to what society deems appropriate dress or music, but it doesn't override her being a girl. She's still just somebody's daughter. Go get 'er.

[ChefDan.g/vo]

thanks for the responses. I guess sometimes you lose sight of the human side of people and blow them up.

 

also, I do go for punk girls and I like that scene. I'm just not in it because I'm pretty new to the city from the suburbs where there is none. It is a sort of common grounds.

 

Maybe I will try to ask her to go out for some resturant and see how she responds anyway.