balexa5701 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I am 19 years old and my the girl I plan on marrying is 16. We have been dating for the past year now and it been awesome. The only problem is we really don't get to spend enough time together. Every night we talk on the phone with each other for an hour or more. Here recently we only see each other twice a week for about thirty mins (the parents). We never get to do anything with each other and when we do we practically have to fight in order to do it. We are coming to a problem spot. We have run ot of things to say really. We can't lok back and relect because there's not really anything to do that with. We know so much about each other. We have resulted to playing question games over the phone... dang...that's sad but its actually fun...sometimes!! So the question is what do we do? It feels awkward to just sit in slece...we can't ot call each other then we wold be lacking communication between the two of us. Does anybody have any solution, new things to talk about, advice, etc.? We are desperate!!!
Author balexa5701 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Still no response, well, that puts us in tight spot maybe someone can help
JohnnyBlaze Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I hate to say it, but you're in a BIG problem spot. There are a few red flags that went up while reading your post. First, you plan on marrying her. You're 19, she's 16. That is very young. You don't get any time together, so you don't know how you two get along for more than short periods together. Lastly, you've run out of things to say after only a year. On their own, each one of these is a big caution. In combination, it's huge. You may not be able to do anything about the first point, but you do need to resolve both the 2nd and 3rd issues. No matter how much you talk on the phone, if you never get to see each other, it just won't work in the long run. I'm not trying to scare you here; I'm just calling it as I see it. Exactly why is it that you don't get to see each other more frequently? You mentioned "the parents"; are they the reason you do get to see each other twice, or are they the reason you don't get to see each other more often? To answer your question as to what to talk about, it's simple. You've been together for a year, so you probably already know most of the big things. So talk about little things. How your days went, good/bad things that happened at work, what each of you have been doing, that silly thing that your friend did, how her friends are doing, weekend plans, summer plans, whatever! If things are generally good between you two, the conversation will take its own twists and turns, and neither of you will really notice. At this point in the relation, you're not looking to learn much more about her; it's all about hearing her voice. When she can read a phone book and keep you enraptured, you know things are good. Before I get any "how would you know" flames from people, I think I should divulge a sliver of my own background here. Balexa, I was in the same position that you are now. I was 19, she was 16. The only difference was, she wasn't the girl I was planning to marry, she was the girl I was going to marry - we were already engaged at that age. Due to the distance between us, school, and work, we only got to see each other once or maybe twice a week (only time limits were due to schedules), but we would talk on the phone whenever we could. So I do have an idea where you're coming from.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Why don't you talk to her on the phone about your concerns. Work through your problems..that would give you something to talk about, as well as improve your relationship. Oh and are you SERIOUSLY thinking about marrying her at 16? Is this talk in the future? Actually, come to think of it, if you two are discussing marriage at your age that may be putting pressure on your relationship. You are both still so young that unconsciously it may be having a negative impact on how you relate to one another.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Wait why are you getting married after a year? I don't understand why marriage is so important that you're marrying her before you're even done with college or anything like that. Besides, there are huge red flags as to you guys getting to see each other and not really being able to communicate things. IF you guys don't work through that, then this will be a marriage of huge inconveniences. Can't you guys just remain engaged at the moment? Primarily try to focus on your relationship rather than running off and getting hitched. There's other factors to a marriage, especially financially. I would like to see that you guys try to work on communications.
Lyssa Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 What's the rush?? You're both not fully developed yet - not mentally anyway. There is so much more for you both to explore!
Author balexa5701 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Thanks for the advice. And what i meant by planning to get married is that we are engaged. I know that it puts pressure on the relationship and we are both okay with it. I am joining the military and going to be off for a little while, we both know that its going to be hard, but we are willing to wait. The actual wedding won't be for at least three years. We are both entering into a service academy and can't have dependents. So we put the date to be after her first year. I will begin my commission while she is still in school. But it helps a lot that some of you are open to the idea...you actually get it. We can go on and on we just need lttle bits to get us started. Again thanks for all of your help feel free to keep giving advice.
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