Paganini Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 See I'm not really "too-nice", I make aweful jokes, I'm loud, kinda arogant (all the bad qualities women like) and I almost never like any women enough to want to be more than friends....... sounds gay, but I'm not. But when I like a woman, I like them alot and I just want to treat them with kindness and respect. I know all about not beng to nice, but I think I messed up ayways. Here's how it happened. I like this perfect young women I work with,wich is problem #1, I don't want to emberis her at work or make her uncomfortible around me exc. So allready that's more potential for being too nice. I know form a lil bird that she has a man, but who doesn't? So I just wanted to get her to spend some time with me, I don't expect anything and it's open to interpretation as to date or 'hanging out'. She wont commit to making a date for this but doesn't actualy say 'no'. Next I try again and get a yes...... but we can't make date until tomarow...... then tomarow she says she can't because her boyfriend will get upset. But she'll still hand out with me if I can meet her at her work breaks..... unless her boyfriend picks her up..... but I could still bring her coffee excetera..... I don't care, I knew she has a boy but this is the only woman I've liked in about two years so it's worth trying hard. After making some jokes (and explaining that they were jokes.....) and telling her it's okay and I undersand and like that she cares about her guys feeling(mistake?) I go away to have coffee with my friend. The my friend wanted to stop in where I work so I though I'd bring her a coffee, so I did. But then she's feeling sick and want to go home, so I end up saying and working so she can go home. Now, I buy drinks and food for people I work with alot and I would have stayed for anyone else there in that situation, but she doesn't now that. So in hindsight I think I may have made a marshmellow of myself. On one hand, if I were her I would think I was being bitter if I refused or didn't get her coffee after a I expressedly said I wanted too..... But if I were her I would also fell bad asking someone I semi-rejected to cover for me... so I wouldn't do that. So I think I may have ruined future chances by becoming the too-nice friend. I just wanted to show her I'm not upset and that I still lke her but think I may have gone to far. But what could I do, there's no way I would make a sick person stay when I'm right there. I really don't know how to undo this without making a much worse problem. It's easy to be mean and then nice....but nice and then mean doesn't work. Plus she's foreign and I don't think she understands all my humor and might get her feelings hurt. But before you say it doesn't matter because she has a guy, the guys a 20 yar old frat boy, how many of them totaly **** up there relationships or think they can do better then a nice girl, 100%, ALLL OF THEM! He will **** it up. The problem is if I can't make a lasting connection with her before I move on work-wise I may not be able to try to get her when she's free. I can't steel her because she's way too nice and wouldn't hurt him. And before you say I shouls just find another girl, it's no use I will never be able to just forget this. She's beautiful and smart and everyrthing she's ever said to me was adorible. There's what I've always wanted ever since I was just a little boy and I've been looking for her ever since. I just want to get back into the regualr friend 'not-too-close' lane and stay there...... but I think may have detoured into to-nice.
KinAZ Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Well, just don't be overly attentive. If you treat other people the same way, try not to worry too much about the impression you could have given her. Just be cool. If she has a myspace, facebook or something, get her info and add her. That way, you can stay in touch without worrying about being the too-nice-male-friend-who-is-still-pining.
CaliGuy Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Read this book: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover). If you're a nice guy (read: door mat) the book will show you HOW you are, and how to fix it.
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