tealeafbud Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 NM what happened, what was said, why do you feel bad? What is it about the conversations that makes you feel bad. And, why are you still speaking to him? Do you see now that it is delaying your healing? Every time you speak to him, it is not going to benefit you. I agree with stln, he contacted you but next time just ignore him. He might be finding pleasure in torturing you. If I was a total A-hole, I'd contact my ex and give her hell, and sabotage my own healing, but I know better than that. The best thing for us here on LS is to try and continue with your life KNOWING they're out of your life and give yourself top priority. I think when you start wondering about your ex and how they're doing, or when they contact you, it definitely affects your healing and moving on side of your life. Each person is different and you must find your own way of dealing with it. We're all here for support, but it's ulitimately everyone's OWN responsibility to heal and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nevermind Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 But I did block him, I didn't wonder. Even this depression phase that started this thread hardly made me think of him. There is nothing left in my apartment that holds any memory of him. I don't talk about him except in therapy, and even there just for the sake of giving an example for a pattern once in a while. I honestly thought I tried hard. Link to post Share on other sites
orangehose Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Just bumping because I had a bad day myself. Nothing happened, just had dreams about him and started feeling a little sentimental and disturbed and angry all at once. When does this **** end? I thought I was doing so well... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nevermind Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 I don't think I didn't try hard enough. No, really. I don't. I didn't make a thread related directly to my ex for weeks, and the last thing that remotely connects with dealing with the cheating was a thread 2 weeks ago, where I asked if I was wrong for sending his other girlfriend an e-mail. Other than that, I did pretty well. No contact, no thoughts, no reminders, no nothing. Sure, I should not have responded and simply let the phone ring, but this is the only thing I did wrong. That it hurt me is only human. I cannot and will not turn my heart to ice just because it would be beneficial now. It is my own responsibility to heal, and I am doing what I can. Maybe I should refrain from posting trivial incidents like this. orangehose: I am sorry to hear it. We cannot control our dreams, but they are based on what is going on in our minds, so once you forget about him during the day, he will disappear at night also. It will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
borelandkaren Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I don't think I didn't try hard enough. No, really. I don't. I didn't make a thread related directly to my ex for weeks, and the last thing that remotely connects with dealing with the cheating was a thread 2 weeks ago, where I asked if I was wrong for sending his other girlfriend an e-mail. Other than that, I did pretty well. No contact, no thoughts, no reminders, no nothing. Sure, I should not have responded and simply let the phone ring, but this is the only thing I did wrong. That it hurt me is only human. I cannot and will not turn my heart to ice just because it would be beneficial now. It is my own responsibility to heal, and I am doing what I can. Maybe I should refrain from posting trivial incidents like this. orangehose: I am sorry to hear it. We cannot control our dreams, but they are based on what is going on in our minds, so once you forget about him during the day, he will disappear at night also. It will get better. Hi, Gorgeous Girl! Listen, I really hate to hear anyone call themselves a loser. Especially you, darl. Don't do it. It's completely counterproductive but ending the phone call with "**** off" isn't. That is a completely human reaction. I don't care how grown up or "PC" we are supposed to be, sometimes we behave in lesser ways than we should. NM, you are a truly beautiful girl. I have nothing but glowing feelings when I think about you. (PS all - I'm straight!!) You are encouraging with everyone, positive about their futures, inspiring and very brave. What you went through was a horrible thing for anyone to endure and to my mind, you have done it with poise and dignity. Feck him! Don't push the future, darlin'. It just comes regardless. What you now have to start do is to look in all of the "right mirrors". Look at yourself openly and honestly. Write down your pros and cons if need be and make the necessary changes. But start today.I've come to the realisation that life is so short. I was stuck in a go nowhere, deadend relationship. Tony was so jealous and possessive and I always wondered why. Now I don't. I have so many offers and opportunities on my plate now and very little time to breathe and take it all in. Open your eyes, mind and heart to ANY possibility and so many things start to happen. My job prospects have gone absolutely crazy since I just calmed down, took stock of who I am and what I have to offer and now things have started to happen. I have also been to see a financial adviser who assures me that my future is as rosy as I WANT IT TO BE. Not Tony. NM, you are an intelligent, articulate young woman and you need to see this (and REALLY SEE IT), take stock of where you are, why you are and where you would like to take things. What have you got to lose? A bit of unhappiness? Forget that shyte!!! This man was an ahole to you. Never forget this. EVER!!! He treated you like crap, made you compromise who you are, told you lies, cheated on you. Did you mirror this or were you who I think you were. Honest, loyal, loving, etc, etc, et al. Remember your beauty. You are a very beautiful woman and person. We here all love you, darlin'. No more depression. Only beauty.:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nevermind Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 Thank you karen. I reread this and I will do so again, whenever I think of the things he said. Because I know for a fact that they are ridiculous. And I need to stop feeling bad about it. Stop giving him that power. I was there, and he simply could destroy it with some minutes of putting me down. So there needs to be more work and more trying. Life is too short for this. You are right. I am glad your life is blooming right now. I always knew you were too strong to let Tony ruin your life. You are rock'n'roll in a sweet caring way. Keep it up! Link to post Share on other sites
foxh1234 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Thank you karen. I reread this and I will do so again, whenever I think of the things he said. Because I know for a fact that they are ridiculous. And I need to stop feeling bad about it. Stop giving him that power. I was there, and he simply could destroy it with some minutes of putting me down. So there needs to be more work and more trying. Life is too short for this. You are right. I am glad your life is blooming right now. I always knew you were too strong to let Tony ruin your life. You are rock'n'roll in a sweet caring way. Keep it up! Life is way too short NM. Don't let him get to you and maintain NC. We will both get over this and be better people because of it. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nevermind Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 Thanks fox. We will. Link to post Share on other sites
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