DunnoWhat Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 This is a complicated situation as she is in a relationship already but it isn't an ideal relationship. She said she could leave him but never said she would. She's dating me at the moment and on the dates it's clear there is attraction there. She seems to really like me and we're going on our third date but every now and again she'll let me know she's in a relationship. I don't know whats going on in her mind because there is plenty of touching and last date I was rubbing her neck and she was touching me alot. We did everything but kiss. So on the 1 hand the body language says she really likes me but on the other hand the words she says are not so positive. She called me unique too etc She is loyal to her bf I think and maybe trying to justify herself in her own mind that as long as we don't kiss it's ok. After the date she was even sending me text messages and we spoke online the next night for a few hours even though she said she was on for a few minutes. So how should I approach this? Just keep on dating her until she chooses or tell her to hurry up. Another strange thing she done on the date was asked did I want to go home after only an hour. I wasn't feeling well and maybe didn't look the happiest but still I was a bit shocked because if you like somebody you'd want him to stay longer. I said don't be silly. She has some insecurities about her apperance and was surprised when I complimented her.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 She's cheating on her bf with you, even if you haven't kissed. Is that the kind of girl YOU'D want as a gf? If she is doing this to him, have you thought whether or not she would do the same to you if you two got in a relationship. I say end it and find a girl who is single.
Author DunnoWhat Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 She's cheating on her bf with you, even if you haven't kissed. Is that the kind of girl YOU'D want as a gf? If she is doing this to him, have you thought whether or not she would do the same to you if you two got in a relationship. I say end it and find a girl who is single. The thing is her bf is a married man and cheating on his wife with her. He is also 50 years old and is a millionaire. She's 29 and said she likes older men although she said I am mature for my age even though I'm younger.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Oh I also think that she offered to have you go home early to ease her own guilt for going behind her boyfriend's back. This girl is bad new all around.
Brady_to_Moss Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 The thing is her bf is a married man and cheating on his wife with her. He is also 50 years old and is a millionaire. She's 29 and said she likes older men although she said I am mature for my age even though I'm younger. WOW...this is going to get ugly..
Lauriebell82 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 The thing is her bf is a married man and cheating on his wife with her. He is also 50 years old and is a millionaire. She's 29 and said she likes older men although she said I am mature for my age even though I'm younger. Oh my god, even more screwed up situation!!! This girl has no morals, get rid of her before she breaks your heart!
Lauriebell82 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Thats funny that SHE is cheating on him who in turn is on his wife with her. That's something that should be on Maury Povich or something.
KinAZ Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I agree, toss her out. She's the other woman herself! So while she may be involved... she technically does not have a man. Why would you want a woman who would do something like that? Not just her going out with you, but her relationship with this other man? As far as her asking you if you wanted to go home, I might do that too if you weren't feeling well. I care about the health and wellbeing of others. :-) I don't think it meant that she was trying escape or anything. I don't know her, or the whole situation, but I can only imagine that there is some financial benefit to dating this older married man. Yet another bad sign on the list. Why be with a married man, say you have a "relationship" with him, but date other people? Is it that he's separated from his wife? Told her that he was planning on a divorce, and never got around to it? Even if she simply made a bad decision, and was being strung along by this guy... I think it's clear that she has too many issues to take a possible relationship with her seriously (at least not anytime soon).
Art_Critic Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 You might want to date someone who is actually available. Dating someone whose heart belongs to another is like shoveling sand against the tide..impossible...
Nevermind Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 And if it is possible, then simply because those people never really give their heart away in the first place. Don't date her. She is trouble, stress and most important: no love. You can do much better.
Author DunnoWhat Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 The girl is from eastern Europe. The married man is still with the wife. He only show up on occasions. She was telling me that the man was saying to her was that they were young when they got married and the wife just sits at home all day watching TV. Just an excuse if you ask me. I think he brings her to eat out in fancy places etc and buys her jewellry. And theres 1 more thing.. I was talking about the fact that people were staring at me alot and she said thats because you're tall. I said it can't be that because I'm only 6ft. Then she said out of the blue "looks don't matter to me, my man is ugly". Regarding the girls herself: the strange thing is she said she doesn't like shopping and have access to his credit card but never uses it.
Nevermind Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 What is it that you like about her? What makes her special enough to deal with all this? Also, nice one. If she didn't care about looks, then she wouldn't call him ugly. Nobody is ugly, when you love them. She seems a bit full of herself.
Author DunnoWhat Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 What is it that you like about her? What makes her special enough to deal with all this? Also, nice one. If she didn't care about looks, then she wouldn't call him ugly. Nobody is ugly, when you love them. She seems a bit full of herself. She is very shy actually and to be honest I'm dating her because I believe she's looking to break up with her bf. Maybe she thinks it's right because he has a wife.
Yamaha Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 She's just using you because she's not getting everything she wants out of her other relationship. If you stick around you will be her pal and she will start telling you all about the problems with the married man. Is that what you want????? Never date someone who cheats. There is NO justification for cheating and that she is the other women is a double whammy.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 She is very shy actually and to be honest I'm dating her because I believe she's looking to break up with her bf. Maybe she thinks it's right because he has a wife. It seems as though everytime we tell you something, you make another justification for her behavior. I get that you care about this girl, but whether or not she is "looking" to break up with her boyfriend (which I don't think she is, thats a lie to keep you dating her) is obsolete. She is bad news and she doesn't even sound like a nice or moral person. She called her man ugly? Why is she dating the guy then??? Oh and he's not really "her" man now is he?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 She's just using you because she's not getting everything she wants out of her other relationship. If you stick around you will be her pal and she will start telling you all about the problems with the married man. Is that what you want????? Never date someone who cheats. There is NO justification for cheating and that she is the other women is a double whammy. Totally. She could be those women that's dating the older guy for the money and dating the younger guy for the sex.
KinAZ Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 The girl is from eastern Europe. The married man is still with the wife. He only show up on occasions. She was telling me that the man was saying to her was that they were young when they got married and the wife just sits at home all day watching TV. Just an excuse if you ask me. I think he brings her to eat out in fancy places etc and buys her jewellry. And theres 1 more thing.. I was talking about the fact that people were staring at me alot and she said thats because you're tall. I said it can't be that because I'm only 6ft. Then she said out of the blue "looks don't matter to me, my man is ugly". Regarding the girls herself: the strange thing is she said she doesn't like shopping and have access to his credit card but never uses it. Another reason to not go after her... she THINKS she has a man. He takes her fancy places, buys her things, sees her rarely... even if she doesn't use the cards, who's to say that he doesn't give her cash? Or pay other bills? The person who said that she's just trying to get from you what the other guy isn't giving is right! (According to what you've posted here so far.) It's not exactly the same but, I was in a relationship with a guy who was not "my man" at that time. I never lied to anyone on either side about what I was doing but I did date a lot while I was involved with him. He wasn't giving me everything I needed, so I was getting it elsewhere. I never lied to the guys I went out with about this other man, and I never lied to the guy I was seeing about the fact that I was dating. At that time, he was simply an overly possessive friend with benefits, afraid of losing his position with me because I was dating (or thought I would "cheat" on him). However, I simply wasn't getting everything out of the situation that I wanted or needed, and so I found it elsewhere. With time, it became a pain, because even though I was always clear with these guys about my situation, and the fact that I was not looking for a man, or for a physical encounter, more often than not, they kept trying to win me over. I would feel guilty trying to explain that my heart just wasn't in it... I liked the guy, enjoyed his company, but... that's all I wanted from him. In the end, I took a four month break from everyone and everything because it became too much to deal with. Even if we give her the benefit of the doubt and just say that she is confused about what she wants to do, she's still more than likely going to cause you more problems than she will add anything of value to your life at the moment. Maybe a couple of years from now she'll get herself together if you're really into this woman. But other than that, I would step away from her.
Author DunnoWhat Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Totally. She could be those women that's dating the older guy for the money and dating the younger guy for the sex. Hopefully! I wouldn't be satisfied with sharing any woman though.
Author DunnoWhat Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 The person who said that she's just trying to get from you what the other guy isn't giving is right! (According to what you've posted here so far.) It's not exactly the same but, I was in a relationship with a guy who was not "my man" at that time. I never lied to anyone on either side about what I was doing but I did date a lot while I was involved with him. He wasn't giving me everything I needed, so I was getting it elsewhere. I never lied to the guys I went out with about this other man, and I never lied to the guy I was seeing about the fact that I was dating. At that time, he was simply an overly possessive friend with benefits, afraid of losing his position with me because I was dating (or thought I would "cheat" on him). However, I simply wasn't getting everything out of the situation that I wanted or needed, and so I found it elsewhere. It's the same situation so isn't it? Even if we give her the benefit of the doubt and just say that she is confused about what she wants to do, she's still more than likely going to cause you more problems than she will add anything of value to your life at the moment. Maybe a couple of years from now she'll get herself together if you're really into this woman. But other than that, I would step away from her. I'm starting to see things long term now. All the time I presumed she would be leaving her bf but now I'm not so sure. How does this sound. I'll date other women and let her know and see how she reacts or I'll let her know I'm going to date other women. Is that a good way or seeing how serious she is about me?
KinAZ Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 It's the same situation so isn't it? It's different in that... I wasn't involved with a married or otherwise involved man. And there was absolutely no chance of me wanting him for his money. I was with him because I loved him, loved the time we spent together, and he seemed to love me. I'm starting to see things long term now. All the time I presumed she would be leaving her bf but now I'm not so sure. How does this sound. I'll date other women and let her know and see how she reacts or I'll let her know I'm going to date other women. Is that a good way or seeing how serious she is about me? Ummm, you could do that. But if you, for no reason, told me that you were seeing other women, I would wonder why. Just date other women! LOL, if she mentions her relationship again, just say "Oh, it's cool. I'm dating other people also." I wouldn't advise playing games to see what she would do though. And if I were you, I wouldn't continue seeing her unless I was POSITIVE that I could do so without having my emotions involved.
Krytie TV Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 So how should I approach this? Easy, don't. Anything else would be uncivilized.
Author DunnoWhat Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 Ummm, you could do that. But if you, for no reason, told me that you were seeing other women, I would wonder why. Just date other women! LOL, if she mentions her relationship again, just say "Oh, it's cool. I'm dating other people also." I wouldn't advise playing games to see what she would do though. I may casually mention it when she mentions what was I doing. I have a date this weekend and will see her when she comes back from her holiday home in about 10 days time. And if I were you, I wouldn't continue seeing her unless I was POSITIVE that I could do so without having my emotions involved. I am becoming emotionally involved but still it's worth a chance. I was thinking to myself I'd love to thump that bf when she was telling me the excuses he told her. She is a bit nieve I think.
Balthazar Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 You need to ask yourself what you want out of this relationship? If you just want sex, then go ahead, continue dating her, feeling her up and escalating. Keep it friendly, but sexual. Disregard anything she says about her BF, it is not really any of your business; just focus on the fact that she is there with you. Based on what you have said, you have appreciable chances with this girl. However, if you are looking for a steady relationship, best look elsewhere. This woman is not A-list material for a LTR for reasons the other posters have mentioned. But forget that, there's nothing wrong with gratuitous sex! Go get her tiger! (Be discreet! - you don't want her millionaire BF putting hired guns out on you!) CHeers,
xpaperxcutx Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 so you're dating other ppl while she's seeing another guy... The both of you need to get tested.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I may casually mention it when she mentions what was I doing. I have a date this weekend and will see her when she comes back from her holiday home in about 10 days time. I am becoming emotionally involved but still it's worth a chance. I was thinking to myself I'd love to thump that bf when she was telling me the excuses he told her. She is a bit nieve I think. And she is giving YOU the same excuses her bf is giving her. Sorry but I think you are just as naive. You have said throughout this whole thread that she will break up with her bf for her, but has she? No. And most likely she won't. As far as what Balthazar said: I don't think you are in it just for the sex. You've already said that you are getting emotionally involved, and besides if you were just in it for casual sex then it wouldn't matter who she was banging other than you, including her boyfriend. I kind of agree with papercuts said about getting tested..there are a lot of people having a lot of sex with different partners in this equation. Doesn't sound very healthy to me.. Oh just another thought: How do you know she isn't sleeping with some other guy in addition to you and your boyfriend? She sounds like she doesn't have any morals or much of a conscense so I woudn't be surprised if she was banging other guys on the side.
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