HeartLikeLead Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I think i got virtually dumped I dated a guy who I was friends with for 6 months before dating. He is long distance. We had amazing sex on last date together. 3 times in 24 hours. This was 6 weeks ago. I told him im too busy to date ANYONE for the next month becaus eI would be so busy. This was after sex and apparently bad timing in hindsight... We stayed in touch since then online. Exactly a month later he started to ask when he could call and talk with me. (he literally made an appointment at my choosing to call) Just before july4th he called me, was very caring and asking all about my life..... then he also posted on my myspace wall 'if he can make things better' ...again I let him know i miss him and think he amazing...but that I could handle things myself. well he went away for july 4th to see his relatives..... didnt hear from him for 5 days. (he always checks his myspace and didnt for 4 days) Since he got back he has been polite online. Told me he is getting new job and is keeping busy too... Well I just mentioned how I miss him and Im glad we stay in touch... I also updated my myspace status to say I would be busy with MY new job for next few weeks. I then emailed him about his new job and he wrote me a cryptic short email it said: Yeh my new job is boring but it will be good pay, I guess your new job is same deal I wish you well and all the best.>>> OMG I only pull out the wish you well and all the best when im DONE with someone. So I wrote back the same....That I wish him well and all the best....He immediately emailed back: Thanks Hun! Am I overreacting ? *** I wrote out this question 2 days ago........... Since then a friend of his hit on me online. so I wrote him and asked why is his friend hitting on me. And does his friend hit on every semi-decent chick'... He wrote back he was sorry didn't know why except his friend heard nice things about how sweet I am from him, that his friend must see im 'hot' from my pics and that also I am a "silly girl to call myself '-semi-decent' and Im more than that" He then said he would tell his friend that I am starting to see a new boyfriend. So I'm very confused... he is still writing me BACK if i write him but isn't talking about himself anymore. I still feel like the 'wish me well' was a goodbye... my friends are divided half say he probably just meant my new job/the other half say since his job is all about sales and dealing with people he knew just what he was doing. ....
Author HeartLikeLead Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Anyone ? Is my question too complicated to figure out ??
Chinook Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 1) You gave him signals that you weren't really that interested. Even in a new job, there would be some time to spare for dates. If someone said that to me, I'd take that as the first brush-off. 2) You talked to him about his friend hitting on you, but you pretty much ignored his compliment about how you were 'more' than a decent girl. 3) He mentioned that he'd tell his friend you have a new guy..?! Either he's trying to work out whether that's the case and expects you to deny it because he's still interested. Or, given his 'wish you well and good luck' has given up trying and doesn't see himself in the picture any longer. I think yes, you were likely dumped in a roundabout way.
A.G.Doren Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 If you're really interested in this guy just plain ask him.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 That's why you dont just have sex with the guy first. Now safe yourself some embarrassment by getting over it or talking to him about it. Just sitting around asking third persons what his intentions were isnt gonna get you anywhere.
DunnoWhat Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I think i got virtually dumped I dated a guy who I was friends with for 6 months before dating. He is long distance. We had amazing sex on last date together. 3 times in 24 hours. This was 6 weeks ago. I told him im too busy to date ANYONE for the next month becaus eI would be so busy. Any normal person would read this as getting dumped. No offense but you sound like somebody who loves the attention.
sfsassy Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I've used "wish you well" when I've felt rejected by a guy without him telling me. It is a defense mechanism, and for me trying to create some distance between me and the guy. When I'm sad about that sort of stuff, but don't feel the other person did anything wrong, I get formal with them. When I'm mad with someone, I will just tell them.
Krytie TV Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Yeah, I think that he was "virtually blown off" first. Just keep in mind how your actions have played into this situation. I would never let a woman string me along the way the way it happened here. And let's be honest, that had to have been how he saw it.
DunnoWhat Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I've used "wish you well" when I've felt rejected by a guy without him telling me. It is a defense mechanism, and for me trying to create some distance between me and the guy. When I'm sad about that sort of stuff, but don't feel the other person did anything wrong, I get formal with them. When I'm mad with someone, I will just tell them. Interesting... so basically you're saying that it's a way of hinting to somebody that you're willing to create a bit of distance? i.e a pre-emptive strike?
D-Lish Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I think he's probably tired of waiting for you to be "unbusy" and have time for dating. As much as you feel his well wishes are a blow off... I imagine he felt your claims to be busy and not ready to date was your way of saying the same. From your post- it seems as if he has been chasing you and wanting more from you... but you've told him you were too busy. It's quite possible he doesn't want to keep waiting. I know if someone kept telling me they didn't have time to see me that I would get to the point where I would move on. If you truly want to be with this guy, it stands to reason you have to make time for him- so I'd nip this in the bud and talk to him asap.
Lookingforward Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 So why didn't you immediately reply "WHAT new guy????" sounds like you scr** this up royally, frankly - You haven't been reading the Rules or something have you ?
Author HeartLikeLead Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 I've used "wish you well" when I've felt rejected by a guy without him telling me. It is a defense mechanism, and for me trying to create some distance between me and the guy. When I'm sad about that sort of stuff, but don't feel the other person did anything wrong, I get formal with them. Well apparently you are NOT the only one........5 other people have said the same thing. End I just recall I used when I really liked someone a lot but felt totally hopeless. I was trying to be noble.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 So why didn't you immediately reply "WHAT new guy????" sounds like you scr** this up royally, frankly - You haven't been reading the Rules or something have you ? Sadly the rules came out just when I started dating years ago. I still sometimes have the phrase be a creature like no other creep into my thoughts. lol
Lookingforward Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 OKay - then let's back up here ...if you really LIKE this guy, and the prior vibes were good............ gather up your courage in both hands and shoot him an email - say something like "you know, I've been thinking......perhaps I may have given you the wrong impression...." then tell him how you feel and that you feel you have crossed lines of communication and that there is NO other bf.... All he can say is that's fine, it wasn't a problem and then you know for sure he's no longer interested
Author HeartLikeLead Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 That's why you dont just have sex with the guy first. Now safe yourself some embarrassment by getting over it or talking to him about it. Just sitting around asking third persons what his intentions were isnt gonna get you anywhere. Oh please save it. I've only been with 3 guys my whole life INCLUDING him. He was well aware that I don't run around sleeping with guys so soon. And we knew EVERYTHING about each other before even dating.
sfsassy Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Interesting... so basically you're saying that it's a way of hinting to somebody that you're willing to create a bit of distance? i.e a pre-emptive strike? Bingo. If I just feel like they don't like me. I certainly don't want them to think they have any effect on me at that point. (and yes, I have been misunderstood where guys think I'm just not into them anymore, lol.) Never show them you hurt, you know.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 OKay - then let's back up here ...if you really LIKE this guy, and the prior vibes were good............ gather up your courage in both hands and shoot him an email - say something like "you know, I've been thinking......perhaps I may have given you the wrong impression...." then tell him how you feel and that you feel you have crossed lines of communication and that there is NO other bf.... All he can say is that's fine, it wasn't a problem and then you know for sure he's no longer interested Thanks for your advice.....It also does not help that things are being played out on FB/Myspace. I upload new pics a lot and also have a couple (now plaotnic exes) who regularly chat with me and what they say is visible.. Im thinking that this guy even though he is super smart, has communication skills. (yeah pot/kettle) When he did it he texted me after his plane landed home that he hoped I had a good time and he hoped I knew he had fun being with me and that I got home safe (it was 11 am so that was cute but unneeded concern) And then two weeks later I brought up in email how mush I enjoyed bein gwith him but I cant do casual because the only other 2 men I slept with were exclusive relationships. He wrote back he totally respects that, felt honored and then asked really wow did I enjoy it a lot ? (like he was surprised after all that I enjoyed it)
sfsassy Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Oh please save it. I've only been with 3 guys my whole life INCLUDING him. He was well aware that I don't run around sleeping with guys so soon. And we knew EVERYTHING about each other before even dating. Lol, I get it. I may be in that situation in like 72 hours, lol!
sfsassy Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Thanks for your advice.....It also does not help that things are being played out on FB/Myspace. I upload new pics a lot and also have a couple (now plaotnic exes) who regularly chat with me and what they say is visible.. Im thinking that this guy even though he is super smart, has communication skills. (yeah pot/kettle) When he did it he texted me after his plane landed home that he hoped I had a good time and he hoped I knew he had fun being with me and that I got home safe (it was 11 am so that was cute but unneeded concern) And then two weeks later I brought up in email how mush I enjoyed bein gwith him but I cant do casual because the only other 2 men I slept with were exclusive relationships. He wrote back he totally respects that, felt honored and then asked really wow did I enjoy it a lot ? (like he was surprised after all that I enjoyed it) Oh yes. This guy likes you, but thinks you aren't into him anymore. Sounds like a great guy.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 Oh yes. This guy likes you, but thinks you aren't into him anymore. Sounds like a great guy. See that's the thing he IS a great guy. People who've known him for 15-20 years say how he is 'good people'. Someone to rely on and who'd give the shirt off his back. That's why my brain spun when it seemed liked he was saying goodbye. I'm really glad though I posted this thread.....Starting to see the whole deal more clearly.
2sunny Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 the miscommunication between you two needs some clarification. anyone who is even slightly interested in dating a person would certainly find some time within a stretch of six weeks to get together if you really wanted to. he saw you not making any effort to see him and took that as no interest in him. IF you want to make an effort and see him - it is up to you to communicate that clearly with him. BTW - he seems very nice by the way you've described him.
D-Lish Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 See that's the thing he IS a great guy. People who've known him for 15-20 years say how he is 'good people'. Someone to rely on and who'd give the shirt off his back. That's why my brain spun when it seemed liked he was saying goodbye. I'm really glad though I posted this thread.....Starting to see the whole deal more clearly. So call him already! lol. Work through this with him and clarify what is really going on in your head for him. I truly do think he has come to the conclusion that you aren't "into him" as much as he'd hoped and is throwing in the towel. So give him back the towel and let him know what you want and how you feel.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 the miscommunication between you two needs some clarification. anyone who is even slightly interested in dating a person would certainly find some time within a stretch of six weeks to get together if you really wanted to. he saw you not making any effort to see him and took that as no interest in him. IF you want to make an effort and see him - it is up to you to communicate that clearly with him. BTW - he seems very nice by the way you've described him. Well I can't be totally to blame...I KNEW he also wouldnt have time to really see me.....He lives long distance but had a training thing for work for nearly 3 weeks 2000 miles away ... And couldnt really have guests. And now he is back driving cross country to finish up training for the next 2 weeks. I just wish we were in the same city sooner... We will be in Feb. 09. woot.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 So give him back the towel and let him know what you want and how you feel. Haha very cute. Thanks !
2sunny Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Well I can't be totally to blame...I KNEW he also wouldnt have time to really see me.....He lives long distance but had a training thing for work for nearly 3 weeks 2000 miles away ... And couldnt really have guests. And now he is back driving cross country to finish up training for the next 2 weeks. I just wish we were in the same city sooner... We will be in Feb. 09. woot. no one said anyone is to blame! who cares? the point is to remove the misunderstanding. the longer you continue to look for reasons not to be on the same page as him - the more he is unlikely to consider trying again.
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