LostinLifeGal Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Without going into too much detail, here goes... I am a 29 year old female. My parents came from india about 36 years ago. I was born in the US. I am an attorney and have been married for about 6 years now. I have an older brother who lies across the country from me. Growing up, I was always afraid..My parents had fights which turned physical, so I never felt safe at home....I was alone at home as brother had gone farrrr away to college (6 years older than me). I spent my childhood as an adult. Protecting my mom... Bieng there for her... like a parent... When I went away to college, my mom went a little nutty... I was her anchor and was no longer there all the time. She went even more ballistic when I was in a relationship... couldnt stand sharing my attention with anyone...Jeallousy..She rages etc etc... Was awful... I married the same guy when I was 23. My parents made at least the first 5 years of my marriage HELL. I was never allowed to focus on my marriage. Was allllll about mom. That is what occuped my first few years... Hubby and I didnt focus on each other. Instead my attendtion wa son HER. Things eased up a little a year ago. I was diagnosed with MS. So my mom backed off some cause she was afraid to cause more stress and affect my health more. She still drives mye nutty but not as much. That was making a long story VERY short. So here I am... 29, an attorney, financially well off with a good job, nice home, nice cars, nice friends etc. My husband will be 35 soon. He has a great job too. We live in the same area as my parents. I have lived in this area forever, like MY WHOLE LIFE. I realize I have a lot of things others would want and I try to feel lucky.. But Here I am...In a rut. Lost. Sick of life. Sick of it all... First, I have lived in the same place my ENTIRE life...I am DYING to get out. To go live in another state and restart...Get a fresh start to what I see as a stale life. To know what its like to live AWAY from my parents. To breathe a little. They are just 56 and 62, so not OLd. To have a new experience... I am a spontaneous and adventurous person by nature... And I feel SO STUCK. So much of my life that should have been carefree was spent just worrying about my mom!!! Fearing her! At least 10 years from 18-28... And still at times! Now I want to LIVE and EXPERIENCE!! I dont like my job either... I mean its ok, but nothing I am passionate about... And the problen??? Hubby will be 35 and now wants to have a baby. Few issues there... First, our sex life went down the tubes the last few years... Lets say hubby's libido dropped big time due to all of our stress. We have BARELY started gettng a little intimate again. BARELY. And now he wants a kid. I think thats the main reaosn he even wants to get intimate! I odnt think thats fair. I dont want to just feel like "an oven for the bun." What, I get pregnant and hubby never touches me again until we want another kid?? I am an attractive woman... This makes me feel awful.. Next, I cant help but feel WHAT ABOUT ME?? when do IIII get to live the way I WANT??? I have told hubby I want to move somewhere and restart. He thinks im impractical. We have such great jobs and all. The thought of having children here in the same place SUFFOCATES ME. He just thinks that I am "restless" and impractical... I desperately need a change...Desperately. I feel llike I am just always working to fit into someone's box...First my mom's box as perfect duaghter, and now husband's box and perfect wife/mother. WHERE DID I GO??? Hubby mentions wanting a baby life EVERY weekend! I am so scared of having a child here where I live...Cause my mom is looking forward ti NITHING more than a grandchild being near her. In fact, they are revolvingtheir lives around the idea...and that sickens me more...Like if I have a child here, I am entrapping myself further... That I wouldnt be able to take my child away from them... I would feel too guilty... They have like NO EXPECTATIONS from my brother. NONE. Cause mom just thinks "DOaughters TAKE CARE OF THEIR MOTHERS..." and tries to constantky get that in my head...Other part of me says is not fair for me to wthold a baby from hubby...Maybe I should just go with it??? I feel SO entrapped. Suffocated..someone who has everything but nothing.. I am in therapy.. I often feel like I cant breathe. Funny thing is, the MS is the LAST THING on my mind...I dont even think about that... Its everything else... Please help...I am so lost!!
my body is a cage Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 i'm sorry, i can totally understand why youre feeling suffocated :/ i understand the feeling of being deprived of a childhood because youre forced to be the parent of your parent so quickly... im just 19, so i cant really offer that much wisdom but based on your story, it sounds like your husband is being really unfair. if he wants a baby, and if youre willing to have a baby if you move, he should at least consider compromising. also, if his lack of libido is due to stress, wont it improve if you move away from your parents?? it sounds to me like you really need to move away. good luck!
Author LostinLifeGal Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Thanks...My husband is a good guy. He is... And he has been through the grinder with me with my mom etc... I think our sex life primarily suffered cause he had a lot a of repressed anger towards me... Like he felt I should have stood up to my mom etc etc... But it was not that easy... she was sort of nuts... anyways, so now he wants to get on with life..Have NORMALITY.. Kids, house, white picket fence... Not that easy for me... I wish it was... If I talk to him, he just feels its me being restless... There is just SO much more to it...
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