CailinPig Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I'm not sure i'ma great candidate for NC. I have a few issues! First and foremost, i wanna do NC becayse i hope it'll bring him back to me. Im fully aware this is the wrong attitude to have, belive me! But it's how I feel. I'd say I'd be ok-ish with not contacting him, but if he contacte me, il desperately wanna reply. the way it is at the moment is: he came back from hols, texted straightaway and told me he wanted to meet up and when i said ok, he said he was really looking forward to seeing me. a day or two later, he was ignoring me again, and he finally explained it was cos his girlfriend had sent him some nice texts n he felt guilty for being in contact with me. (I was sleepin with him, now we're just friends - my choice. the last 2 occassions he tried it on with me, i rejected him). he blows hot and cold and im left looking like a loser in all of this. really not liking that. still really enjoy his company though. so i guess what im asking is: a) Is NC to show the ex what they're missing and see do they respond b) Or is NC to move on from the ex? Honest opinions please!
Author CailinPig Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Also wanted to add: What I'm afraid of is that he'll wanna get back with me or have feelings for me, but I won't know because of the NC. He's difficult to read. And that is my greatest fear.
foxh1234 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Hi, in my opinion and from my personal experience NC is for you to get over him and heal yourself. If, in the process of doing NC your ex misses you and wants you back, you can decide if that is something you want. I have been doing NC for about a month and feeling so much better about everything. This is the key I think. If you really do strict NC for at least a month, you will feel better. I mean no contact of any kind and no replies to his contact. Everytime you reply to him, you look weak and give him more power over you. If you reverse that and don't respond to him, he will start to wonder what's up and he will know you are serious. Hopefully this info helps you a little.
foxh1234 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Also wanted to add: What I'm afraid of is that he'll wanna get back with me or have feelings for me, but I won't know because of the NC. He's difficult to read. And that is my greatest fear. Others have said this and it is so true. If your ex really wants you back, nothing will stop him from contacting you. NC will not stop him if he really wants you. Don't worry about that at all.
Author CailinPig Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Thanx Fox, I'm just wondering why I'm finding the letting go harder than anything. The thought of giving him up from my life makes me sadder than anything in this world. I'm getting used to the idea of maybe having a different boyfriend, but to force him out of my life altogether is absolutely horrifying to me. His mere presence makes me sad and happy all at once, and there are things his personality does for me that none of my friends can replace. he is my only male friend, and still is my confidante. I would lose more than just an ex. I don't think I'm ready to let go. Even though i wanna be happy.
foxh1234 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Thanx Fox, I'm just wondering why I'm finding the letting go harder than anything. The thought of giving him up from my life makes me sadder than anything in this world. I'm getting used to the idea of maybe having a different boyfriend, but to force him out of my life altogether is absolutely horrifying to me. His mere presence makes me sad and happy all at once, and there are things his personality does for me that none of my friends can replace. he is my only male friend, and still is my confidante. I would lose more than just an ex. I don't think I'm ready to let go. Even though i wanna be happy. He doesn't have to be out of your life forever, just for now until you are healed and over him. 6 months from now you may start up a friendship and be best friends for the rest of your lives. No one including me can predict the future, but in my opinion trying to stay friends when one of you wants more is a mistake. Step back, a few months of NC and then see how you feel. If you think you can handle being friends, call him then. I just think for now, you are better off cutting off contact.
Chinook Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Cailin, for me I found that going simply day-by-day to start with was enough. I didn't think about the 'what if'. Once NC started and it was shortly after the breakup, it was complete and concrete and from my own experience and things I have read here, although I had a rough time coping, I think it has been less prolonged than it would have been if we'd maintained contact. Complete NC makes you focus initially on them... why, how, it's not fair... etc. But eventually, you will focus on you. The thing I always had at the front of my mind was if someone could willingly and coldly walk away from me... and hurt me that much with just their own free will, then... they really weren't worth my love at all. As Fox says, if the other person wants you back, NC will not stop them... the question by that time will be whether YOU want them and I strongly suspect in time, it will be a 'no' to that question.
serendip Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I'm not sure i'ma great candidate for NC. I have a few issues! First and foremost, i wanna do NC becayse i hope it'll bring him back to me. Im fully aware this is the wrong attitude to have, belive me! But it's how I feel. I'd say I'd be ok-ish with not contacting him, but if he contacte me, il desperately wanna reply. the way it is at the moment is: he came back from hols, texted straightaway and told me he wanted to meet up and when i said ok, he said he was really looking forward to seeing me. a day or two later, he was ignoring me again, and he finally explained it was cos his girlfriend had sent him some nice texts n he felt guilty for being in contact with me. (I was sleepin with him, now we're just friends - my choice. the last 2 occassions he tried it on with me, i rejected him). he blows hot and cold and im left looking like a loser in all of this. really not liking that. still really enjoy his company though. so i guess what im asking is: a) Is NC to show the ex what they're missing and see do they respond b) Or is NC to move on from the ex? Honest opinions please! Sorry I'm gonna be a little harsh with you b/c I think you need it. You really need to disassociate from your ex...you come across as really obsessive when it comes to your ex. If you are still breaking into and reading your ex's email/phone/myspace/facebook or whatever(this is what you posted before)...you will never be able to do NC. Your ex is a cheater and you help him do it with the full knowledge that he is in a relationship...yet you feel no moral qualms about this. Well here's the thing...your ex has no respect for you...he just sees you as nothing more then a warm body that he can throw away at any time. Best to MOVE ON once and for all....have some respect for yourself.
ioncebelieved Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Others have said this and it is so true. If your ex really wants you back, nothing will stop him from contacting you. NC will not stop him if he really wants you. Don't worry about that at all. Exactly what my man said right there!! I just wish I could get that through my thick headed a$$!!! I know what you are thinking Pig... If I ignore that person, they will leave and forget about me forever. Which I guess is perfect how Fox put it and others will put it, NOTHING will stop them if they want you back!!! Keep your head up as I will and I am on 2 weeks NC today myself!!!
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