laylan Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 i had a convo about marriage in general with bf for the first time after about a year of pretty good exclusive relationship. came to this stage VERY slowly. he joked about marriage saying its ridiculous out of nowhere in a random moment so i had to make sure what his views really are and had mine clear. i told him having children is very important to me and i have to know im dating someone i can see that happening with. then he said he he's all for marriage and want children but just not this week and don't want to rush into it. i know i want it in a few years but don't need to start all that now. i'm pretty happy as is but kind of scared of the idea that it might be a dead end relationship...! ugh im almost 25 and the bf is 36. he is generally a very private person. doesn't seem to want to talk about it. so, what do you think would be a good approach to this? should i leave this talk and never bring up again anytime soon? some people say i should move on because this guy won't marry. guys, what do you think?
Lauriebell82 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 He said he's all for marriage and children but isn't ready. You told him that it is important for you to have those things, so he already knows you want them. If he isn't ready to talk about it then don't push him. Sometimes it takes guys longer to be ready to talk about it then others. At least this guy isn't filling your head with all sorts of promises that he's not going to keep. You already said that you aren't looking for marriage or children RIGHT now so just leave it be. Pressuring him is the last thing you should be doing. It took my boyfriend a year and like 8 months before he was even READY to have a marriage discussion at all. Some relationships move slower than others. I know it can be frustrating that he doesn't want to talk about it, but at least he isn't filling your head with false hope. See what happens with your relationship, if it hasn't happened past what your time frame is then talk to him about it again. (not an ultimatum, but more of a "are we headed somewhere" type talk) I have to wonder though, 36 is a pretty mature age, If he were your age I could see him not being ready for marriage. Has he ever been married before? He could possibly have committment issues.
Author laylan Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Hi, thanks for your response. he's never been married or engaged. i could say he is a stereotypical commit-phobe. i also wonder why he's like this but there are actually many people who haven't gone to that stage even after mid 30s. so i don't cast the problem on it.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Hi, thanks for your response. he's never been married or engaged. i could say he is a stereotypical commit-phobe. i also wonder why he's like this but there are actually many people who haven't gone to that stage even after mid 30s. so i don't cast the problem on it. We can only give you advice but ultimately the decision comes down to whether you want to be with him or not. IF you're traditional and want marriage, then he might not be the one for you, becuase as you said he's a commitment phobe, so he might never get married, or at least not with you.
Recommended Posts