Mahatma Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I used to be VERY addicted to a game that is very similar to WOW. Quitting it was one of the best choices I ever made. I used to say the same things your boyfriend says and what people on here say about the game, its not true. I would always tell my parents when they asked me why I didn't go out on weekend nights that "this is my form of socialization, these are my friends." Those WERE my friends and I was living a large part of my life on a video game. I look back on that now and I see how pathetic I was. He is clearly addicted and you clearly aren't. I don't know how many people break these addictions, I purposely banned my account one night to stop myself. I don't think you should ban his account haha, but seriously... these games are never good. The reason they get so addictive is there is never an end. He won't just get bored of the game. There are always new updates, new things to do, new places to explore, more new friends joining all the time, he won't just "beat" it one day and be done like normal games. I don't know what to really suggest, he basically said he'd choose the game over you. Sounds like he already has too since hes been cutting down time with you for the game.
mental_traveller Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Hi. My fiance and I have been together for a little over a year. A few months ago, he started playing World of Warcraft (an online game). He had cancelled his account when we first started dating because he wanted to spend as much time as possible with me. Since he began playing it again, we have gradually grown apart. We do not talk like we used to or even cuddle and watch tv together. He insists on playing as soon as he gets home from work (at about 6pm) until he goes to bed at 11:30ish. He says he plays the game to "escape life". I have told him how I feel about this but he thinks I am just trying to start an argument and that the fact that I think it is driving us apart is "bull****". In our latest argument about this yesterday, I asked if he would pick WOW or me if it came down to that. He said he would pick World of Warcraft but only because that would be a very selfish thing to ask on my part, not because he loves the game more than me. He has made it clear that he WILL NOT stop playing the game because of me. I love this man with all my heart and I desperately want this relationship to work out, but I am really confused about what to do. Please help! I used to be an avid gamer, to the extent that some people would have considered it an "addiction". My advice is that you won't get him to quit by asking nicely. You have to dump him, and then he will either choose you, or the game, and there's not much you can do to alter his decision. If he chooses the game, then it will have been right to dump him, since you won't get attention from him while he's still an "addict". If he chooses you, again it will have been a smart move. In my own case, I had to basically get bored and "burn out" on gaming, took about 2 years altogether. After that I went cold turkey and have never played a computer game since. I suspect during my gaming period, if a gf had nagged at me to quit I wouldn't have listened. However if she had broken off with me, I may have reconsidered depending how good the relationship was. So that's what I'd recommend to you. Addicts only really get the willpower to quit once the consequences of their addictions become serious enough. By staying with him, you let him avoid any consequences. Only be leaving - and staying away - might you shock him into realisation.
mental_traveller Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I don't understand the whole action/role playing scene. It's a video game. It's not real, it's just mindless escapism. I think it actually stunts social skills of younger players because they only practice effective interaction with "people" through a keyboard and computer screen, not in actual social settings. The real world is so varied, vast and interesting, I guess I don't see how pretending you're a swordbearing dwarf with magick powers and a funny hat could be half as cool and fulfilling as say, hiking through the Grand Canyon, boating down the Amazon, seeing Shakespeare's Hamlet at the Royal London Theatre, riding a camel by the pyramids, or even strolling through your neighborhood park with some good friends. Seems like WoWers are largely detached from the real joys of the human experience. I'd move on and look to date someone who more closely shares your interests and values. I don't see how reading a novel or watching a play is any less "escapist" or any more real than an online RPG. At least in the latter you get to interact with other people and the game, in that respect it's more involving than sitting in a seat watching other people perform. I would say the main critique of RPGs is that real life is just the same, but more interesting and rewarding especially when you "win". With online money you can buy a new pointy hat or spaceship, with real life money you can buy an actual house or a fast car. For people with sucky RL situations, I can understand the short-term appeal of RPGs. The irony is that if they applied the same motivation they do to their online world, they would improve their real life by huge amounts. When I was gaming I was amazed that some people who could achieve impressive stuff in game often had such poor achievements in real life. If you can lead a group of 40 people to be the best at something online, you can do it in real life too.
HabitualDelirium Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I'm not saying drop everything and take him on a road trip I'm just saying, try to remind him that life is exciting too. I think this is very good advice if you really do love your fiance. You choices lie on how much your love your fiance and want to be supportative of him. He is obviously stressed at work, and you should understand that he has his own ways of coping with things. I think it's fair that he chooses a video game to spend his time. People have different hobbies, there just seems to be a lot of negative stigma around video games for some reason. He is apparently taking time out for you. You need to stop and see whether he's being fair or not or you are wanting too much. Are you jealous of the game because you want to spend all your time with him? Is it because you have no hobbies of your own, so you get bored or upset if he's not keeping you company? I had a boyfriend that played a lot of WoW. It's just a way to spend time. However, a relationship also needs time put into it for it to work. There needs to be a balance. If there's clearly psychological issues, try to help him deal with it rather than run to a video game. I understand playing if it's a hobby and fun to do on the side. But once you start using it to run away from your life, that's when he needs to wake up and fix his life.
shadowplay Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I don't play any video games, but it is obvious that fighting against the forces of evil with the Universe hanging in the balance is more exciting than getting on a tour bus and going to a bunch of museums and churches. Tourism is a spectator sport. And when you go hiking, etc. you can't get off the path, can't feed the animals, can't even legally pick up a rock and put it in your pocket. lol...
shadowplay Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I don't see how reading a novel or watching a play is any less "escapist" or any more real than an online RPG. At least in the latter you get to interact with other people and the game, in that respect it's more involving than sitting in a seat watching other people perform. I would say the main critique of RPGs is that real life is just the same, but more interesting and rewarding especially when you "win". With online money you can buy a new pointy hat or spaceship, with real life money you can buy an actual house or a fast car. For people with sucky RL situations, I can understand the short-term appeal of RPGs. The irony is that if they applied the same motivation they do to their online world, they would improve their real life by huge amounts. When I was gaming I was amazed that some people who could achieve impressive stuff in game often had such poor achievements in real life. If you can lead a group of 40 people to be the best at something online, you can do it in real life too. The problem with RPGs is they become addictive in a way that reading or watching a play isn't. Because they become substitutes for real life interaction. Also reading is usually much more enriching as more imagination and intellect are involved. The more you read, the more you expand your mind. Playing RPGs doesn't expand your mind beyond improving your gaming skills. Ultimately, it's fun escapism but can't possibly be as rich or fufilling as real life.
Trialbyfire Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 *tiptoes in* I like video games! While I've never been addicted, I still play at 33. *tiptoes out*
shadowplay Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Yeah and they get internet married too. God what the heck is the world coming to? Lol, are you serious? Like they have the ceremony in the game itself?
shadowplay Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 I'm surprised by some of the responses on this thread. Must be a lot of WoW fanatics, which isn't a shocker given that this an internet forum. You have every right to be upset and concerned, OP. If a guy I was engaged to told me he'd choose a video game over me I'd be gone in a flash. I have no problem with guys playing video games in general (hell I enjoy video games and used to play a lot when I was younger), but your bf sounds like he's so addicted that his whole world revolves around WoW. That's depressing. Maybe it's just a phase, but maybe it's not. I wouldn't take that risk. Also, if he's so prone to escapism he will find other ways of withdrawing later on even if he kicks the WoW habit. My father was like this with my mother. He always found some way of escaping -- whether it was online, or watching television, or withdrawing into the basement. I don't believe there's any way of stopping him from playing. If you complain he will only half listen and see you as a nag. He will only stop when he wants to. I wouldn't dump him, but I'd have a talk and tell him you're in danger of leaving if he doesn't devote more time to you. If he doesn't change his beahvior, you'll have your answer.
openfavre Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 For World of Warcraft Cheats World of Warcraft Dupes World of Warcraft Bots and World of Warcraft Guides click here
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