Peter_pan Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 hey LS'ers hope your all good or getting there at least! well my post today is about my ex obviously, and dating, thoughts, etc and i need advice, support this post is about the same issues in this one. sorry its long http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t156625/?highlight=peter_pan well recently i keep getting sad and remember things we used to do etc. like renting films from block buster and how we liked the same food and had names for each other, and we used to have jokes that where only funny to us. having our photo's taken by the tree at christmas, going on family holidays, i got on with her family so well and visa versa/ i miss that stuff with her. it hurts me to know she changed and stopped loving me and pretty much went into a rebound re with this idiot. i miss her ALOT. but she hurt me. she even told me over the phone "ive changed" but even out of respect i wish she didnt jump into a re with that guy. it hurts when you can see someone falling out of love for you and you cant do anything about it. i still think she was influenced by the wrong "crowd" and basically people say maybe in a few yrs you might be able to see each other if your paths cross etc. well yeh that is a possibility but i feel like i would be in control of that decision to a certain degree. because now that i have moved back with my parents, only if i where to go back to uni up north would i get a chance to see her and then see if things picked back up. however if i go to a different uni down south, then that pretty much eliminates that chance and i'll (hopefully) meet someone new. as she prob will to. also as i have said in tht link to the other post, she isnt with him. i feel bad that i didnt stay in contact with her, as now it would be easier to talk to her? but that surely wasn't my fault. i feel maybe she was hurt by me not staying as a friend or in contact and that i ignored her txt's. i deleted her from my msn, i deleted my own facebook, etc. i did try and make contact as i have said, but she didn't reply due to the fact she didn't want to talk to me about him (which is what her best mate informed me) and her mate added "its weird talking to your ex bf about your bf" . dont know if she isnt talkin to me because she is embarrassed or guilty about stuff? or maybe she just dosnt care about me in the slightest and would just rather ignore me. but why then ask my mate if i was moving back up there or not? get my number and say she mite txt me then she never bothered saying happy bday to me... its like i did something wrong in all this, you know? and at same time like i never existed. ive heard nothing from her. spoke to her bro on msn but he did not reply. saw her mum and sis in town. waved and her sis waved back. dont think her mum saw me. a good friend of mine which i made whilst i was up there really wants me to go back up. i just dont no what to do. should i try and talk to her again? wait forever for her to contact (gut feeling is she wont) by then i might have met someone and not really care about her in that way anymore? i know if she hadnt of met him she would have defiantly come back to me at the time. is it even possible to try again after all this **** has happened? i just dont have a ****ing clue anymore what i want or want to do. can you even ever trust that kind of person again? sometimes i wish she had cheated on me so i know for sure i wouldnt want to go back. lots of people have good reasons to hate there ex. time has got rid of my anger i guess she is in my head 24/7. it drives me mad really. cant escape. im a prisoner in my own mind
foxh1234 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Hi peter, I know it hurts. I have felt the pain for months now and let me tell you, it will get better for you. As hard as it is, you have to move on for now and put her behind you. Things may change in the future, no one knows but you will not get better until you accept what has happened and let her go. Once you do that you will start to feel better. trust me, I have been through hell and I am coming out the other side. You can do it too. If you ever want to talk just PM me. I will listen and help any way I can.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 thanks fox . so trying to get her back isnt worth it? since now i guess i could try. but then if she wanted to she could speak to me she knows she could and can. but maybe she is to ashamed etc or scared of what i may say. thats the impression my mate got when he spoke to her. she knows i was hurt. i wish i could let her go. ive tried and am trying. thats what bugs me about the whole moving back up there. its in my control. as to whether in thee future something may develop or it may not. i am annoyed that she can know what i am doing through friends and i only get bits of story's about her. i want to know who she lives with now. but why? why does that matter? i want to know why she del her bebo account. again why? im such a loser
northstar1 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 thanks fox . so trying to get her back isnt worth it? since now i guess i could try. but then if she wanted to she could speak to me she knows she could and can. but maybe she is to ashamed etc or scared of what i may say. thats the impression my mate got when he spoke to her. she knows i was hurt. i wish i could let her go. ive tried and am trying. thats what bugs me about the whole moving back up there. its in my control. as to whether in thee future something may develop or it may not. i am annoyed that she can know what i am doing through friends and i only get bits of story's about her. i want to know who she lives with now. but why? why does that matter? i want to know why she del her bebo account. again why? im such a loser It's natural Peter. But that curiosity can bring a lot of pain. At this point, you really don't want to know, because the news that comes with it is more often than not not what we want to really hear. You are not at the stage yet where you can hear about her life (how happy she is, if she's dating, etc). Maybe one day you will be and the news won't bother you. For now, you need to focus on YOU and your happiness, goals, etc.
foxh1234 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 thanks fox . so trying to get her back isnt worth it? since now i guess i could try. but then if she wanted to she could speak to me she knows she could and can. but maybe she is to ashamed etc or scared of what i may say. thats the impression my mate got when he spoke to her. she knows i was hurt. i wish i could let her go. ive tried and am trying. thats what bugs me about the whole moving back up there. its in my control. as to whether in thee future something may develop or it may not. i am annoyed that she can know what i am doing through friends and i only get bits of story's about her. i want to know who she lives with now. but why? why does that matter? i want to know why she del her bebo account. again why? im such a loser You have heard this before I am sure, but the best way to get her back is to give her space and leave her alone. Cut off all contact and let her miss you a little. She cannot miss you if you are always chasing her. Also stop trying to find out stuff about her, it will hurt you and keep you stuck in the past. Go complete NC and keep busy, work out, hang with friends, do whatever you like to do. Put her out of your mind. If she cares about you and misses you she will call or contact you. If she doesn't, you are still healing from this and are more prepared for the future without her. It is the only way. The more you contact her, the more you push her away. Simple as that.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 so should i not bother moving back up to the same city as her? i guess our lives have gone different ways. i have been going NC the last time i txtd her was end of may. nothing since. so the ball is in her court so to speak. i am also worried about what to say and what not to say to her family and her bro if i see him in town. i am working out etc doing things i like to do. she is still in my mind. alot. also i have been invited to a party in two weeks and then another one beginning of aug. also another friend is down near me so will have to go see him to. what should i do about the whole "sex" thing. i miss it. and i am hoping there will b someone at the party who i get on with etc do you think i could handle no strings attached sex etc. after all i am single. not looking for another serious re. i dont mean to sound like a slut
foxh1234 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 so should i not bother moving back up to the same city as her? i guess our lives have gone different ways. i have been going NC the last time i txtd her was end of may. nothing since. so the ball is in her court so to speak. i am also worried about what to say and what not to say to her family and her bro if i see him in town. i am working out etc doing things i like to do. she is still in my mind. alot. also i have been invited to a party in two weeks and then another one beginning of aug. also another friend is down near me so will have to go see him to. what should i do about the whole "sex" thing. i miss it. and i am hoping there will b someone at the party who i get on with etc do you think i could handle no strings attached sex etc. after all i am single. not looking for another serious re. i dont mean to sound like a slut If you want to move back there, do it for you and don't worry about her. Start thinking about number 1 for a change. As far as sex goes, if you think you can handle no strings sex, go for it. It was too soon for me when I had sex with a new woman, but that is just me. Go to the party and have fun and forget about her for awhile. If she wants you, she will let you know and she will contact you. Until then, relax and move forward.
northstar1 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 If you want to move back there, do it for you and don't worry about her. Start thinking about number 1 for a change. As far as sex goes, if you think you can handle no strings sex, go for it. It was too soon for me when I had sex with a new woman, but that is just me. Go to the party and have fun and forget about her for awhile. If she wants you, she will let you know and she will contact you. Until then, relax and move forward. Perfect advice. Peter - the most important thing is for you to do things to get her out of your mind as much as possible. The longer you dwell on the 'what if's, the longer you will be a 'prisoner'. Hey, I know it's not easy to do, but it will get better as time goes on. She knows how to get a hold of you, and she MIGHT one day and who knows where you will be by that point - but for now work on letting go of that hope and get on with your life.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 i feel that if i moved back it would be for me but at the same time i would hope she would come back to me. and thats not right is it? i guess i'll only know if its to soon for me afterwards... i read some other dudes post and he said he looked at her facebook etc and wasnt fazed by her photos or anything that she was up to! maybe i am over her but just dont realize it? thanks guys
roghornio Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Hey mate. Well you really don’t want to know what she’s up to – trust me – as I said the other day I was sailing along perfectly well had been dating people days go by without thinking about her and she tells me she has a new boyfriend. Que a week of constant thoughts, last thing I think of first thing I think about – all the what I’s etc resurfaced. I thought I was in a position where I would be fine to hear that news… obviously not. It’s horrific man – I try and keep busy (this weekend I GUTTED my house, I mean it was the most through cleaning the thing has had – and for that whole time my mind was blanked of her – except when I found some of her things I forgot I had : ( I just stuck them in the bucket and carried on. But at night when I was done and had nothing to do I had to go for a walk to keep the mind clear and think about the future – I have to take care of myself, there’s nothing I can do but ride out these feelings and do everything in my power NOT to make them worse (contacting her, going to places she might be, her facebook and all these things). Yeah it’s unfare that she probably has none of thee horrid feelings and were left with them BUT I suppose that shows that you cared. If you ever want to talk about this stuff PM me your MSN or email or whatever – I’m going to stop reading these forums as I think it just keeps these feelings on the surface… Hopefully in a couple weeks NC ill be able to be back to where I was getting.
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