tealeafbud Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Also, what was your longest NC streak, if had ever been broken. Personally, I've broken it because I missed her. I was also a bit lonely, I wanted to hear her voice, I wanted information about her life. she would admit the same thing to me. I also wanted information about her new relationship (how messed up is that?). A part of me would be glad knowing things weren't the greatest between them, which was probably why we were speaking again. You figure why would she be talking to her "ex" if her relationship was truly great and awesome and beautiful. She wouldn't be. I think each of the two times we ended things on good notes, we both said we'd be there for each other. It's a cordial thing to do, but probably not the best idea in the long run since it leaves the door open. You shouldn't leave the door open in these things. You're likely to get flooded. Our longest NC had gone for 3 weeks before she would contact me about something stupid. She would later admit that she missed me and missed talking with me. Anyway, things have changed in that they are pretty much officially moved in with each other. Oh well.
foxh1234 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I went 5 weeks NC and then wrote her a long goodbye email. She replied with a long sappy email. The next day we saw each other in a parking lot and embraced and cried for 20 minutes. This set me back big time. I am back on NC and it has been around a month. It is the only way for me. I do not plan on talking to her again. That part of my life is over and I am starting a new part without her in it. I feel really good about it.
AnLandy Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 My longest NC streak was 5 years, and he broke it. I just picked up the phone one day after moving to another state and a starting my post-college life and my ex-boyfriend was on the line. We talked for about an hour, caught up, put some things to rest, and made peace with each other. We still keep in touch a few times a year through e-mail and Christmas cards. I broke NC with another ex last summer after seven months. I heard from a mutual friend that he had a pretty bad personal loss, so I called to see how he was doing. We actually managed to become friends after that. In fact, I'm having dinner with him tomorrow night. Just today, I broke NC with my ex-fiance after only two weeks. We talked for a long time, and realized that we both feel we made the right decission. We're meeting for coffee on Friday night because we both still care about each other and value each other as friends. Breaking NC is an individual decission, and people do it for all kinds of reasons. For me, it was about setting aside my hurt and disappointment over the end of these romances to reconnect with what I thought was special about each of these men in the first place. In the end, I totally understand why I was with all three of them. There is one ex however, that I will never break NC with, unless forced to by circumstance. He was toxic on so many levels, and I don't want that in my life. I guess the whole NC thing is selective for me.
Chinook Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 One year. Unbroken. Even now I doubt I could break it if I wanted to and I doubt he will. It would be too painful for me - even now, so if he did contact me, I couldn't respond. But yes, I'd be inclined to think 'if things are so great, why are you contacting me?'
motive2002 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 3 months and I haven't budged. ...although I've been tempted to break it simply because I've been so stubborn. I feel like I'm giving her the silent treatment. I dunno, still confused about it, but still not contacting her either.
D-Lish Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I contacted an ex after a year and a half just a couple months ago. We'd had a bad break up where he was pretty mean and it never sat well with me to end things like that. I never got any closure from the relationship, so I ended up shooting an e-mail to see how he was. We ended up meeting for dinner and he apologized for the manner in which he dumped me. We have chatted a little since then- just the odd e-mail to say hello. Personally, I am glad I reached out. It gave me some much needed closure. When I saw him I felt absolutely nothing romantic for him - nothing at all. I think that is the best thing that came out of it for me- that this guy that had broken my heart and left me with huge issues was no longer a threat to my self esteem. I don't think resuming contact is the right avenue for everyone- but for me, it worked out and I am glad I did it. I think you just have to be over the person when you contact them. If you aren't- you could set yourself up for a setback.
northstar1 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I contacted an ex after a year and a half just a couple months ago. We'd had a bad break up where he was pretty mean and it never sat well with me to end things like that. I never got any closure from the relationship, so I ended up shooting an e-mail to see how he was. We ended up meeting for dinner and he apologized for the manner in which he dumped me. We have chatted a little since then- just the odd e-mail to say hello. Personally, I am glad I reached out. It gave me some much needed closure. When I saw him I felt absolutely nothing romantic for him - nothing at all. I think that is the best thing that came out of it for me- that this guy that had broken my heart and left me with huge issues was no longer a threat to my self esteem. I don't think resuming contact is the right avenue for everyone- but for me, it worked out and I am glad I did it. I think you just have to be over the person when you contact them. If you aren't- you could set yourself up for a setback. I think that's key, you reached out when you were 'over him' and no longer vested in what he would respond with. Most fall to the fact they want to contact the ex when they are still angry, or pining for them, and all that does is normally set them back
kizik Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Broke contact via email to wish her well in the upcoming schoolyear. (She's a teacher.) I regret having done that, as it was undoubtedly an ego boost to her. She replied like I was just some friend. It set me back but also helped me realize it was final, done, over forever. I didn't respond. Then a couple weeks ago I sent her 3 books with a note, "R, Here are books you lent me. -J" So, why did I break NC? B/c I was a pussy. And to return what was hers. Longest NC streak, that would be now, about a month. I hate not talking to her, despite the fact that I kind of hate her. Isn't that f*cked?
D-Lish Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I think that's key, you reached out when you were 'over him' and no longer vested in what he would respond with. Most fall to the fact they want to contact the ex when they are still angry, or pining for them, and all that does is normally set them back For sure, I was definetely ready to make that contact. When you are trying to get over someone- it's always helpful in the recovery process to stay away from them.
Peter_pan Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Broke contact via email to wish her well in the upcoming schoolyear. (She's a teacher.) I regret having done that, as it was undoubtedly an ego boost to her. She replied like I was just some friend. It set me back but also helped me realize it was final, done, over forever. I didn't respond. Then a couple weeks ago I sent her 3 books with a note, "R, Here are books you lent me. -J" So, why did I break NC? B/c I was a pussy. And to return what was hers. Longest NC streak, that would be now, about a month. I hate not talking to her, despite the fact that I kind of hate her. Isn't that f*cked? im kind of headed down the same path. if i get shot down again. i'll be sad but then you know there has been time and distance between us so if its dead its dead
LikeCharlotte Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I thought we were going to be friends. I didn't realize it was going to be a problem. It was all very confusing. Still it wasn't very much contact. I don't regret it because I'd still be ignorant to what a jerk he became and probably would have run into him blindly thinking everything was cool and got really hurt. If I had been working and in school I'd have been too busy to reach out to him and I wouldn't have had any idea that I had become the dark center of the universe to him - or whatever it is he is doing. None of it make an ounce of sense to me.
selena_cat Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I contacted an ex after a year and a half just a couple months ago. We'd had a bad break up where he was pretty mean and it never sat well with me to end things like that. I never got any closure from the relationship, so I ended up shooting an e-mail to see how he was. We ended up meeting for dinner and he apologized for the manner in which he dumped me. We have chatted a little since then- just the odd e-mail to say hello. Personally, I am glad I reached out. It gave me some much needed closure. When I saw him I felt absolutely nothing romantic for him - nothing at all. I think that is the best thing that came out of it for me- that this guy that had broken my heart and left me with huge issues was no longer a threat to my self esteem. I don't think resuming contact is the right avenue for everyone- but for me, it worked out and I am glad I did it. I think you just have to be over the person when you contact them. If you aren't- you could set yourself up for a setback. mine was the same way, it ended badly but i cannot contact him ,or break NC,why should i so he can feel that insulting me and not calling me for months is best and here i am contacting him like a dog? no what you did was rigth for you,but i personally cant do it, maybe when i'm dating Christian Bale of Batman or something
CailinPig Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I've broken it cos I knew that he still cared about me. in the beginning, i broke it cos the pain was so intense i missed him badly. now i break it cos i know he wants to hear from me. arrrrrg.
Nevermind Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 There are 3 phases of contact, and three reasons for it. Immediately after finding out about the affair and the betrayal: I just wanted to know about it. I wanted to know when it started to stick the claim, so to say, for good memories. I wanted to know what I could still believe and what not. He lied, ridiculed and despised me. It lasted about 4-5 days. After the suicidal day: there was nothing for a week and a half. Then he initiated again. Told me how sorry he was. I wanted to believe him. It was mainly to get his last words to me from phase 1 out of my system. (That he didn't care wether I lived or died.)Also reading on LS that many people managed to stay friends with an ex...I wanted that.(No idea why, really.) He was my first and I hated it that all of it had ended like this. He toyed with my emotions, until things exploded when I got an e-mail from his old new girlfriend. He lashed out to me. I blocked his e-mails. Nothing for nearly 4 weeks. Got a text from him, called to see what in earth he wanted (I guess I wanted for him to apologize). He yelled at me. I was in tears once again. Wrote days later to ask why he hated me so much. Got a spiteful e-mail in return. Blocked him again. So. My reasons for breaking NC were the need to get some truth and remorse out of him. And also the fact that my entire self-worth depended on that man and I still have to fight thoughts of unworthiness. Yeah. Lame. Everything past stage 1 should never have happened. But this man is so skilled with words. He could play my emotions like an instrument. It was my own weakness that caused the pain I went through in the other stages, so I can't blame him for that.
roghornio Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Every time I have since I initiated PROPER NC it’s cause ”someone” has told me to cause of **** she had said. up until then there was texts and phone calls flying around every couple of days for 2 or so months. She even sang me happy birthday (that wasn’t nice). Some girl walked up to me in a nightclub, no idea who she was but she said you should speak to “X”, she really liked you, you need to try harder – this 2 months after a break up – of course I stupidly do… Then - After seeing her at that party (6 weeks NC up to that point), stupidly kissing her and then her starting texting me again and me ignoring it, a couple weeks back my friend sais – “get in touch with her, she’s in here talking about you saying x, y & Z – so stupidly I do only to be told she’s dating someone. NOW, the thing is I’m kind of glad I heard that now cause it’s kicked up the ass and made me realize – KEEP MOVING FORWARD AND DON’T LOOK BACK. However i can see in a few months time i wiould like to in some shape or form i would like to get in touch as simply firends - i wont even live in this country anymore, so i wont be expecting anything other than that. I have a feeling in the back of my mind that she will contact me at some point in the next few weeks… Until then, I defiantly won’t be initiating contact!!! I must have tried 3 or 4 times to get her back, only to be rebuffed each time. But I’m glad I tried also, Better to die on your feet than on your knees as they say. Her Loss!!
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