Nervous About The 'S' Word

[thebrunette]

Hi guys, I'm dating a man (very newly dating, like for a week) and he has already asked to see me for a third time. We have spoken online a few times and also used to work the same place but never spoke at work/ we have mutual friends. Anyway around a week ago we met in a club and got talking/ kissed. I wasn't comfortable with the kiss but he initiated it and I couldn't really get out of it since his tongue was already choking me . He invited me back to a gathering at his house and I politely declined but suggested we go for a meal at some point or do something another day. I have liked him for a long time but am also not prepared to be used or cheapened. The last date was at his home watching movies etc, and he kissed me (a lot) and was stroking my back/ kissing my neck and slowly working his way on top of me whilst we were watching the film. I had been there for a few hours before he started with this. He was making noises and it was honestly the kind of kissing that happens during sex, I became more aware of where his hands might be going that I couldn't enjoy it and was frightened. I started to panic after a few minutes thinking he was going to try and have sex with me and I gradually got him off me. I had to push on his chest a bit and I think he realised it was 'too much'. We did continue to kiss afterwards but I think he had got the message that that was all would be happening. He is not pushy though, when I have used body language to stop him he has taken the hint, and has also not mentioned sex yet. I should also mention he seems very nice and genuine, and quite keen. He is early thirties and i am in my early twenties. I have recently got out of a long term (3 years long) relationship with a man my own age and have not dated anyone since my ex.

 

This is one reason why I am so nervous about intimacy/ sex- it feels foreign to me with a new man and I'm not sure how I'll handle it. Tomorrow I am going to his house where he is going to cook for me; I am nervous as hell. I don't want him to try to initate sex/ try to touch me anywhere private, or even bring the subject up in conversation. I think taking it slow gives him a reason to respect me and gives me time to come to terms with being with a new man. I do really like him a lot. I'm just worried that if he does try to initiate anything sexual, I will have to say no, and then it will be awkward. I don't want it to fizzle out but I don't want him to come on too strong either. I'm thinking that because he is older than me, sex may be what he is planning for tomorrow- but I don't want it to be like that. I want him to be a gentleman and for us to spend time together and get to know each other. Does anyone have any advice for how I can explain all this to him if the topic of sex does crop up, as I want him to feel that if we were to become officially a couple after we have got to know each other more, then sex would be on the cards at some point. I can't give a timescale for this because my heart will go at it's own pace. I figure if he wants sex and isn't happy with waiting then he's not the man for me, but if he is happy to wait then things could be very special. I haven't felt loved in a very long time. Any similar stories or advice are appreciated, i am very nervous for tomorrow evening! Also I have no clue what to wear but that's another issue

[xpaperxcutx]

Well you should've made it an open date, where you not go back to his place. Less chance of him taking advantage....

[thebrunette]

He asked me when I was leaving his house yesterday if he could cook for me tomorrow and I was suprised and said yes. I know what you are saying though, neutral territory is more advisable.