Bungee29 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Hi, yes its true - I am stalking my ex online - and I'm really unhappy about it, because if he finds out then I doubt we can be friends Im trying to control / reduce - it but i just find it to easy to check which chat rooms he uses and what messages he posts, and I find it interesting to know what he is doing, and how he is behaving. I have thought of asking him to change his profile name, but you shouldnt really do that. can anyone give me any advice, as Im finding it difficult to move on. I have looked through other peoples advice about getting over your ex, but I still find it difficult.
saraispiel19 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 ooh..creeppyyy.. haha just kidding but really you need to stop, I know your curious and want to see who he is talking to, what he's saying, etc. But well it's just not very good for you. I have thought of asking him to change his profile name, but you shouldnt really do that. why? thats well a little odd...and it's not in your position to tell him so. can anyone give me any advice, as Im finding it difficult to move on. I have looked through other peoples advice about getting over your ex, but I still find it difficult. Well all advice is the same in the end: -Get busy (hang out with friends, do community activities; like joining big sisters, helping out elderly people, becoming a camp councilor for younger children, etc.--meet new people, join classes (yoga, spinning, dance,etc.) -Stay off his profiles and sites -Get some distance from him, try not talking to him for a long time and deal with things the way you should deal with them, alone (without him I mean). Hey if your unwilling to do these things it's your choice! Just when your ready and get sick of that feeling, then you can choose to move on, or you can be a psycho ex girlfriend (because well everyone has one). Goodluck to ya! Keep us posted and hope you make the right choices!
Ariadne Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Hi, yes its true - I am stalking my ex online - and I'm really unhappy about it, because if he finds out then I doubt we can be friends Im trying to control / reduce - it but i just find it to easy to check which chat rooms he uses and what messages he posts, and I find it interesting to know what he is doing, and how he is behaving. I have thought of asking him to change his profile name, but you shouldnt really do that. can anyone give me any advice, as Im finding it difficult to move on. I have looked through other peoples advice about getting over your ex, but I still find it difficult. My best friend did a very cute thing. She created a profile targeting the kind of girl that he'd go for, and got him to talk to her (as the new girl). Just to ask him what he thought about her. Somehow she managed to gear the conversation towards his "ex" (her) and ask him specific questions she wanted to know. But she is very clever. He had no clue.
cjanee Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Hi, yes its true - I am stalking my ex online - and I'm really unhappy about it, because if he finds out then I doubt we can be friends It's funny but this behavior tends to hurt us more than the other person. I mean think about it. He could care less what you are doing right now? Stalking is obsessing, I know because I do it. I obsess all the time. "Obsessions are the mental aerobics of the fearful mind?" Ask yourself what are you afraid of What are you afraid of? That you are going to be alone? that you won't meet anyone else? that he is your soulmate and you will never meet anyone who will satisfy you again? What is the pay off here? You are only hurting yourself. Finding out what he is up to everyday isn't going to bring him back. It's only going to rub in your face that he may have got on with his life.
saraispiel19 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 My best friend did a very cute thing. She created a profile targeting the kind of girl that he'd go for, and got him to talk to her (as the new girl). Just to ask him what he thought about her. Somehow she managed to gear the conversation towards his "ex" (her) and ask him specific questions she wanted to know. But she is very clever. He had no clue. That's a little creepy Ariadne:)- hope he said good things about her though!
Geishawhelk Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Errrr...... I don't think that's the kind of help she was looking for, Ariadne....!! There was a person on another forum I wanted to avoid, but eventually, they made me so mad, I really snapped, and said some things i shouldn't have. So, because I let myself down, I stopped myself going on forum. I signed out of the forum. I deleted the site from my favourites. I logged off, and every time I felt like going in there, I'd ring my good friend instead, and talk to her. It's an addiction, you know. It can turn into an obsession. ('No, really?' Yes, really.) It worked. I haven't been back in 2 weeks, and frankly, I give a damn.
Ariadne Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 That's a little creepy Ariadne:)- hope he said good things about her though! Nooo... she was all devastated. He told her that he was not attracted to her "in that way" etc. She said that sometimes it's better not to know. But I thought it was cute, especially the name she made the character to be. Just what he'd bite into.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 My best friend did a very cute thing. She created a profile targeting the kind of girl that he'd go for, and got him to talk to her (as the new girl). Just to ask him what he thought about her. Somehow she managed to gear the conversation towards his "ex" (her) and ask him specific questions she wanted to know. But she is very clever. He had no clue. Are you suggesting that she tries that? Stalking him online is unhealthy and might lead to very obsessive and distructive behaviors. The OP needs to distance herself from the internet, and try to focus on healing rather than anything else at this time.
Ariadne Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Are you suggesting that she tries that? Stalking him online is unhealthy and might lead to very obsessive and distructive behaviors. The OP needs to distance herself from the internet, and try to focus on healing rather than anything else at this time. Hmm... No. I was telling an anecdote. I don't usually tell people what to do, or decide what's best for them. I believe people can decide that.
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Bungee29, I understand what you are doing and why you do it. I think a lot of us have done it with our ex's, to varying degrees, check up on them online to see what they are up to, etc. I don't see what you are doing as being "wrong" or "inappropriate". It may be your way of stopping yourself from contacting him, so you see what he's up to online. True, I don't think it is a healthy thing to do, but maybe seeing that he is moving on with his life, without you, might be the impetus for you to move on too. I dunno. But I do understand your reasoning behind this, and I also see this as a better thing than contacting your ex and being clingy and beggy. At least here, you are doing it in private and the ex doesn't know. Sometimes it is very hard to move on, really it is.
Geishawhelk Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I'm very lucky...In my younger courting days (how old am I - ?!) it was much more difficult to keep track of our ex-s.... No mobile phones, no sophisticate computers, chat-lines, e-mail or forums... Breaking up was hard to do, but it seems that the ties - and pulls - are stronger, now that there are more avenues available for being clingy, needy and desperate.... What was designed to help us and move us forward, seems in many ways to have made us weaker, and hold us back.... Ladies. We are often cited as being the 'weaker' sex, however, I believe this to be utter claptrap. But we should use our gifts and talents to uphold our own self-respect and dignity, not to erode them and make them non-existent. Bungee - stop it. Move on, and be the bigger person. Let go, and find someone more worthy of your loyalty and tenacity!!
pinkrazr Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 dont look for things to get yourself fired up. your spying because your hurt. and you need to keep the fire going, so you keep tabs on him. dont murder your time! you only live once! I know its almost impossible to let go. but really. give it a shot. you will get over this! keep trying to keep busy with other positive things. the interest will pass.
Chinook Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Log-in to the sites if required, delete your profiles and history for them. If you can't delete them, deactivate them. If you can't do that, change the password and don't actively 'ACTIVATE' it afterwards. Delete the activate email. Delete all your bookmarks and history for every chat room, forum, bulletin board etc that he visits. Whenever you feel the inclination to log in or visit a site, stop. Converse with your friends from these places by email and ask them to ACTIVELY encourage you to stop. Make your habit public to your closest friends - once public, it's less easy to do. It would be more embarrassing what you're doing. Finally, have a look at how much time you spend on the computer. If it's more than a couple of hours, just stop. Turn the thing off.
Lizzie60 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Hi, yes its true - I am stalking my ex online - and I'm really unhappy about it, because if he finds out then I doubt we can be friends Im trying to control / reduce - it but i just find it to easy to check which chat rooms he uses and what messages he posts, and I find it interesting to know what he is doing, and how he is behaving. I have thought of asking him to change his profile name, but you shouldnt really do that. can anyone give me any advice, as Im finding it difficult to move on. I have looked through other peoples advice about getting over your ex, but I still find it difficult. What more advices do you need? You know you need to stop and you don't.. you've read other people's advices but you still do it.. I doubt any more advices will do the trick.. only YOU need to find a way to stop... just STOP... period.
northstar1 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 My best friend did a very cute thing. She created a profile targeting the kind of girl that he'd go for, and got him to talk to her (as the new girl). Just to ask him what he thought about her. Somehow she managed to gear the conversation towards his "ex" (her) and ask him specific questions she wanted to know. But she is very clever. He had no clue. Clever perhaps, but didn't that mess her up?
saraispiel19 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Hey bungee still looking at your ex's profiles?
sultry33 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Hey bungee still looking at your ex's profiles? i look at my ex profiles so im not tempted to contact him.. he knows i do as i told him.. said i was shocked he was app flirting with girl he called fishface lol now just makes me laugh.. i do care about him and if i sneak a look so be it.. he dont look too good atm.. for him i want him to be happy so it hurts abit that he looks bad.. but you know he left me so maybe i shouldnt feel bad, but i do care. i dont think everyone can just move on an sometimes its a way of checking in on them.. fake profiles are not good though.. and for some if it is excessive an damaging then they shouldnt. each to there own i say.. you never been tempted?
saraispiel19 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 you never been tempted? Before I knew my husband I used to profile-check the guys I no longer dated just 'cus I wanted to be like "hmm what's he up to now a days.." but there was never any real emotion involved, it was like a couple of dates so that doesn't really compare to having a "real" boyfriend. However a little before my husband I did have this (*cringe*) boyfriend but till this day I haven't googled him, myspaced, facebooked or whatever other thing there is out there and I certainly don't plan to. I think it's human nature to be curious, but curiousity killed the cat so there has to be some sort of willpower because you'll end up looking at it everyday and well doing crazy things like fake profiles where it becomes a little creepy. To conclude: nope haven't checked up on an old flame, don't care don't wanna!
sultry33 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Before I knew my husband I used to profile-check the guys I no longer dated just 'cus I wanted to be like "hmm what's he up to now a days.." but there was never any real emotion involved, it was like a couple of dates so that doesn't really compare to having a "real" boyfriend. However a little before my husband I did have this (*cringe*) boyfriend but till this day I haven't googled him, myspaced, facebooked or whatever other thing there is out there and I certainly don't plan to. I think it's human nature to be curious, but curiousity killed the cat so there has to be some sort of willpower because you'll end up looking at it everyday and well doing crazy things like fake profiles where it becomes a little creepy. To conclude: nope haven't checked up on an old flame, don't care don't wanna! damn that human nature lol yeah i think when you see something that will hurt you .. you think sod that and stop looking.. my ex talks about me as one of his exs.. lol.. yeah thanks for putting me in that category:p according to him they was biatches makes himself sound like a tart too.. he be so lucky:D ive always been a snoop though
saraispiel19 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 damn that human nature lol yeah i think when you see something that will hurt you .. you think sod that and stop looking.. my ex talks about me as one of his exs.. lol.. yeah thanks for putting me in that category:p according to him they was biatches makes himself sound like a tart too.. he be so lucky:D ive always been a snoop though Yea guys like to be the victim even when they know they are at fault. Hey do what you want to, if your a snooper hey well that's you! A trait only becomes a problem when everyone around you is getting hurt by it. By all means everyone has a flaw, even me:laugh:
Author Bungee29 Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 Hi, yes I still look at his profile - I am turning into the stalker.....oh no..... There is some good news though - I don't log into the site that often, and have decided that NC is the only way forward with this. Its going to be difficult and I will have to take each month at a time. I have also tried to keep myself occupied as much as possible. - I cant understand why I have such a hangup!!! Thanks for all the advice - and I hope some day soon I will be able to post that I am well and truly over him.
borelandkaren Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 My best friend did a very cute thing. She created a profile targeting the kind of girl that he'd go for, and got him to talk to her (as the new girl). Just to ask him what he thought about her. Somehow she managed to gear the conversation towards his "ex" (her) and ask him specific questions she wanted to know. But she is very clever. He had no clue. I worry about your state of mind that you would find that cute. It's not. It's creepy.
extraordinarymachine Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 ahhh, online stalking. I tend to clear out their stuff and never look back or stalk. it takes a TON of self-control but you get over it a lot faster this way. by the time you know all the crud they are up to, you should hopefully not care too much anymore. as for fake profiles and what not, i'm with karen, that's creepy.
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