cjanee Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 ahhh. Denial.... - its bliss isn't it? When he tells me he is going on a trip with his ex but he doesn't love her and they are not together. and then... Calls me from the airport sounding like he is in a tunnel. "Are you in the bathroom I ask?" "Why, yes, " he says. "Where is your (friend)? "Oh she's out there," He chuckles. I think weird, oh well I guess he likes to talk while he pees! ( Not) I never met his ex in two years. She remained a mystery. We continue to be sexually involved. He says he is not ready to settle etc. So I don't push the commitment thing anymore. and then.... "I am going to Asia with my (Friend aka ex), and we are just going together and coming back together." "She is going to do her thing, and I will do mine." and then... two months go by and I get generic emails of how he and his (friend) are doing. Um I think I thought he was going to be by himself on this trip..? oh yes denial is bliss .. its like a warm comfy blanket.. so I put it back on and feel just lovely again. and then... "I can't spend time with you outside of work, it's too much to see you in and out of work." I say, " but we only see each other once a week at work at a general meeting? We only sleep together once or twice a month? silence..... i think he is so confused. I guess he is just not ready. More of my blanky. "I say why have I only been to your house once in two years?" and you come to mine when ever you want? silence...... "I like my privacy he says." Ok blanket is starting to come off now.. It's getting freakin cold in here! He says, " I know I could be with you one day, but for now I just dont want commitment. I would like to come and go when I want." P.S did you sleep with anyone else while I was gone? "No I say." what about you? No he says I think why do you care if we are not committed? Blanket is off now. He says, " I think love is like good toast and burnt toast and when you love someone you give them the good toast." "I gave you the good toast a long time ago." Oh where is that blanket? ok ok put the blanket on.. Did he just say he loved me? and then.... " I am going camping with my friends(ex's in relationships now)" ok I say .... I think I am too busy anyways. Good thing he didn't ask me to join. and then.. On facebook the famous EX (gone camping) exactly the same time he called me to say he was leaving.... BOOM !%^$# It's frickin freezin in this place. and then... He calls to say goodbye for his four day long weekend " Hey is she with you right now," I ask. " No I told you she is not going with me," he says. I think... I'll bet she's in the can at the gas station..... Now denial has its place. It worked real well when my old man turned violent at a snap etc... It worked well when I realized that something was terribly wrong with my dad (mental illness). Not working too well now. I am in my thirties!! HELLO!!!!!!! k letting go of denial of this man now... Reality check.. The guy's an *******!!
Tomcat33 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Wow CJ what an excellent post, I really like how you narrated it though the content is sad. I have a question, so he adde you to his facebook account? And so you can see the interaction with her right? what do people say about them? Are they exmarried or excouples? Something is definitely up with your guy, meaning sounds like he is still dating his ex if not fully with her. Do they live in seperate houses? So many questions so little time...
Author cjanee Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 [ I have a question, so he adde you to his facebook account? And so you can see the interaction with her right? what do people say about them? Are they exmarried or excouples? hey no he's an idiot. He kept sending me emails from all his friends including her. As it turns out a co worker I work with who is a friend on my face book is friends with her. Therefore, its really easy to look her up. She also doesn't have any security settings. However, I did notice that she got rid of her friends? He doesn't have an account. He doesn't believe in any of it, MSN, Facebook etc. Gee I wonder why? If you have something to hide that would be the fastest way to get caught.
Author cjanee Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 oh yah and they do live in seperate houses which makes it all the more or did make it all the more confusing.. He has his own house number and cell. She has her own address (around the corner in the same neighborhood as him) and own cell phone.
Tomcat33 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 [ I have a question, so he adde you to his facebook account? And so you can see the interaction with her right? what do people say about them? Are they exmarried or excouples? hey no he's an idiot. He kept sending me emails from all his friends including her. As it turns out a co worker I work with who is a friend on my face book is friends with her. Therefore, its really easy to look her up. She also doesn't have any security settings. However, I did notice that she got rid of her friends? He doesn't have an account. He doesn't believe in any of it, MSN, Facebook etc. Gee I wonder why? If you have something to hide that would be the fastest way to get caught. didn't get that what do you mean sending you emails from all his friends?? ohhh so now that makes sense why she put on her status going camping and he had no clue, he is not on fb. Got ya! she got rid of here friends??? who got rid of who's friends?? soo confused!
Author cjanee Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 didn't get that what do you mean sending you emails from all his friends?? ohhh so now that makes sense why she put on her status going camping and he had no clue, he is not on fb. Got ya! she got rid of here friends??? who got rid of who's friends?? soo confused! Lol Ok first off, He doesn't know that I know her name and how to spell etc. He told me her name once only because her dad died and he wanted me to help him book a flight to alberta. Only then and only then he ever use her name, since then he always refers to her as his "friend" even though when I questioned him about her he stated they had been together for three years broke up.. he doesn't love her.. but they stay in touch (which I now know is everyday). During our time together he would send me forwards from her and all of her other friends to me. I was able to gather the exact spelling of her name and even her email address from these forwards. Since I was highly suspicious and confused all along I looked her up in the address book and Volla there she was under her own address and number living in the same neighborhood as him. Then when a co worker added me as friend I noticed that one of her friends was the EX. Much to my excitement, I jumped up and down knowing that I could finally figure out what was going on. She has a single status and belongs to a group where she is proud of the fact she is no engaged etc... Recently she has deleted her friends list so no one can see her friends? Knowing her,which she seems to have in common with him, she is just not computer savy and deleted by accident.
Tomcat33 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Lol Ok first off, He doesn't know that I know her name and how to spell etc. He told me her name once only because her dad died and he wanted me to help him book a flight to alberta. Only then and only then he ever use her name, since then he always refers to her as his "friend" even though when I questioned him about her he stated they had been together for three years broke up.. he doesn't love her.. but they stay in touch (which I now know is everyday). During our time together he would send me forwards from her and all of her other friends to me. I was able to gather the exact spelling of her name and even her email address from these forwards. Since I was highly suspicious and confused all along I looked her up in the address book and Volla there she was under her own address and number living in the same neighborhood as him. Then when a co worker added me as friend I noticed that one of her friends was the EX. Much to my excitement, I jumped up and down knowing that I could finally figure out what was going on. She has a single status and belongs to a group where she is proud of the fact she is no engaged etc... Recently she has deleted her friends list so no one can see her friends? Knowing her,which she seems to have in common with him, she is just not computer savy and deleted by accident. :laugh:ohhhh I see ok now that makes perfect sense GOT IT! So have you flat out asked him what the deal with his ex is? And when you ask him why you don't spend enough time at his, what does he say? honestly it seems that he is not going to let the cat out of the bag, whatever is going on with his ex is being kept really secret from you and the fact that he tells you that he sees a future with you but for now wants to keep it casual meanwhile all this other stuff is brewing in the background, just smells of someone that can't be trusted. He is lying to you on some level, and it could be because he is waiting to see what happens with the ex and doesn't want to lose you but still it is no excuse he is not leveling with you and that's something you need to seriously consider if you want a serious future with him. no? How did they break up? who dumped who? Also when he would send you forward emails were they like funnies jokes etc or actual emails from his ex to him, is he running scenarios past you that concern her? If so it could be is looking for a friend to coach him but ultimately is still wanting his ex back? All speculation on my part given what I have read so far...sorry if I am waaay off.
Author cjanee Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 :laugh:ohhhh I see ok now that makes perfect sense GOT IT! So have you flat out asked him what the deal with his ex is? And when you ask him why you don't spend enough time at his, what does he say? Yes the ONE time I was at his house I saw some mail addressed to her and confronted him on it. This was two weeks after we slept together. He insisted that she moved in with him before they went on their trip to India together because she had no where to live. I believed him. He said he dumped her and does not love her. However at the time she was in Alberta so she could have still been living there. I know they don't live together now. Shortly after all that crap I called it quits and said I thought he needed to work things out with her. When he came back four months later I gave him the benefit of the doubt that they were done. I started to refer to her as the "wife," as a joke so he got the point and he got really mad and insisted that they were just friends. He was helping her learn how to travel. Since she did go travelling by herself this year it was starting to look as though I may have been paranoid so I dropped it. How did they break up? who dumped who? Also when he would send you forward emails were they like funnies jokes etc The forwards are just funnies. He didn't realize that other people could read the forward addresses then. As far as the not ever going to his house, he just keeps insisting that he does not want to spend time with me outside of work because he sees me and talks to me everyday. Which is true. He calls me several times throughout the day. The latest and greatest was, "the last time you came over (2 years ago), you stated that my house was a mess, so you don't get to come over." I laughed my ass off and said, " are you serious?" that is the biggest bull crap I have ever heard. I think the thing that makes it hard is that the whole time he kept saying we were not committed so I thought that meant I did not have the right to want more.. or get straight answers. The problem is I have had casual sex before and it does not look the guy calling every day/texting all the time/ calling me before bed, promising to travel to third world countries together, and hints towards the (might be future). It's kinda like he has been telling her he can't commit, telling me he can't commit and then having sex with both of us at the same time.
GPFan Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 cjanee, I suppose your alarm bells have been going off for a while now. You will not likely get anything approaching the truth from him. Trust your own intuition and judgment. Take care.
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