jaggy666 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Hi everyone, came across this site so thought i would share my experience with you and hopefully get some advice. Basically up until April this year I was engaged for four and a half years to who I thought was my soulmate. We met at work and I remember seeing her for the first time I knew I was in love. We started dating after a couple of weeks and got together officially not long after that. After about a month we were walking through the town centre when she said she needed to tie her shoelace, then she proposed. I honestly could have bust with happiness at that moment. We quickly started looking for flats as we both were 19 and living with parents. We found one and moved in together. Everything was great until one night she went out for her sister's birthday and it was around 2.30 am and no sign of her, i was getting worried so called her and she said she would be home in 10 minutes. An hour later still no sign so I looked out the window and saw her coming up the hill, behind her was some guy and it was hard to tell if she was walking with him or if he was following her, I went to put my shoes on to meet her and looked back out the window, I then saw her and this guy kissing and flew down the stairs and saw her come in. I called her a bitch and she burst into tears. She immediatley collapsed on the floor in hysterics quickly calming my anger, I got her inside and she went straight into the shower. She said this guy had been hanging about all night and followed her home, he stopped her outside the flat and forced himself on her, just happens that I was putting my shoes on at this point! Anyway I chose to believe her and we moved on. We moved somewhere else and again things were great. Then at the end of last year we had a talk. She felt we were more friends that lovers and we needed to sort that out. I agreed and we went out more but then one day in january she said she was going to her friends so i gave her a lift and we said the usual love you and kiss bit. Then a few hours later she comes home and says we need to talk. She basically said she thinks she wants to end it and moved back in with her parents. The next day we met up after work and agreed to give it another shot. I could tell straight away things were not going to be the same, the affection disappeared from her end, no more cuddling, holding hands etc. I still got the love you and odd kiss but not the same as before. Then in april my dad got very sick and was in hospital. We had gone out with friends to take my mind of it, then at the end of the night sitting in the car, she broke down. She said she didnt want to hurt me but wants to end it. I could see it coming but what i couldnt see was that she said she was very depressed, having suicidal thoughts. Her mother has mental problems and she felt she was going down the same route aswell as the thoughts of her being attacked 2 years earlier. I accpeted and respected her decision as i was more worried about my dad if truth be told. We met a few times after that to talk and she told me on the last meeting she didnt love me anymore. This sucked big time. I had hopes of us getting back together when things had settled but there was no way now. she said we shouldnt see eachother for 2 months but I said I couldnt do this again. There was NC up until a week ago making it nearly 3 months since we broke up. I had heard from a friend that my ex had said things may have changed in 2 months so what did i do? I got in touch. I texted her to see if we could meet, she called me and said it is to soon to see me. This is what I dont get. She dumped me so why cant she see me? Anyway I immediatley tried to move on and started lifting weights, getting in shape and meeting friends. Everthing was ok, I was getting bigger, feeling healthier and so on but she was never far from my mind. Its been 3 months now and i think im getting worse, ive no motivation anymore, im signed off work with depression and really feel like ending it. I cant see happiness coming for me and want to die. Thats the first time ive actually realised that and dont know what to do. Help!!
bill1234 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Sounds like you shouldn't have texted her. Her rejection of a meeting with you has just opened up the initial rejection's wounds again and put you back to where you were before. And don't listen to what friends say. When did you hear the "two months" thing - just after you broke up? Things change, people change. My ex said she wanted to go out for drinks with me all the time when we split - but two months later, nothing has happened and she's with another guy, so I finally decided to forget about it. I have been making the mistake of pretending to be "friends", and realised recently it has to stop. Every contact we have prolongs the pain. The only thing I can say is, don't worry about motivation, just get back in the gym. I mean, even when you're lying on the couch and you think you're unable to move, just make your body put your gym clothes on like it's a zombie, get in that car, and move. And try to get back to work ASAP! Good luck. You've got a lot better once - you can do it again.
Author jaggy666 Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 thanks for the reply bill. Yeah, she told the friend when we broke up that something may have changed within 2 months so naturally when i heard this i gave myself the feeling of hope. I knew deep down it wasnt going to happen but for some reason i just needed to do it. To be honest just hearing her voice made me feel better. she said to give it a little while longer and she may be ready to see me. I dont quite understand that part, i mean she broke up with me so i cant see why she cant see me, surely i dont mean as much to her as when we were together so why is she finding it hard? Also i am going back to gym tomorrow, this site has helped a lot today, i now know im not the only one whos gone through soemthing like this.
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