Author KinAZ Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 I'm able-bodied and can handle myself, sure, but I really enjoy the special care a guy takes with his date when he's being a gentleman. Even better if he does this on a regular basis and not just on dates! A chivalrous, gentlemanly guy definitely wins huge, huge! points and is way ahead of the game in my book. It's good to know that other women out there at least like those things. Part of me wondered if these guys just weren't used to dating women with certain standards/requirements, or if they simply forget. I also agree that I expect a guy to be the same with others as well. Of course, I wouldn't expect him to go way out of his way for other women when he's out with me lol, but simply to have good manners all the time, and not just to impress me. For instance, you always feed and water your guests. (even the plumber) They may not want anything, you may not want anything, but you always offer. If a guy opens all the doors, but forgets to do that, I will notice.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Chivarly is dead because women killed it, they dont want it. So why be a gentleman anymore. Women at some point or another revert back into this immature wild bitch who fall for bad men and con artists. So why should a man be a gentleman when he can be a G and score all the punnany he ever wanted.
Author KinAZ Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 Chivarly is dead because women killed it, they dont want it. So why be a gentleman anymore. Women at some point or another revert back into this immature wild bitch who fall for bad men and con artists. So why should a man be a gentleman when he can be a G and score all the punnany he ever wanted. Even the "bad boys" I dated, they still held the doors open, and took care of the check. LOL, so that theory doesn't hold water. HOWEVER, you made point about girls being wild and immature, and this COULD be what I was saying about guys being used to different types of women.
carhill Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Even the "bad boys" I dated, they still held the doors open, and took care of the check. I'm curious....was that a global behavior or did it have specificity? In other words, did the guy hold the door open for others, even when with you, and offer to treat (pick up the check or buy a round of drinks) when in groups?
Author KinAZ Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Some were more attentive (or had better general manners) than others. They were the ones who fooled my mom in some cases (as well as me). :-p But, yeah, on occasion, the ones who lasted at least a little while, would buy a round of drinks etc. Sometimes it seemed like a guy was just being flashy, other times it was because he knew he could afford it, or it was "his turn", etc. It varied. I can only imagine that in general they were the same with doors and others. I can't recall anyone being so nice to me, but rude to everyone else or anything like that. Wolves in sheep's clothing, you might say. Well mannered and sweet on the outside, but later on you find out more about them and what they do. Edit** Now that I think about it, I can recall a couple of situations where the guy wasn't exactly what I would call chivalrous, but still generally well mannered.
johan Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I'm somewhat chivalrous. But if I catch myself bullsh*tting, then I'll stop. There's a line between doing what you know is right and doing something in order to buy the affection of a woman. The majority of "gentlemen" act the way they do, not because they are really interested in opening doors, etc. but because they hope it increases their chances to score. Screw that. They might as well wear a sign saying "Are you fooled yet?"
carhill Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 -1. Not me. Been that way (gentlemanly behavior) since a child. Learned from my father.....
xpaperxcutx Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I just realized chivalry is dead... most guys just put on a front because they know how to play the game.
Author KinAZ Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 I'm somewhat chivalrous. But if I catch myself bullsh*tting, then I'll stop. There's a line between doing what you know is right and doing something in order to buy the affection of a woman. The majority of "gentlemen" act the way they do, not because they are really interested in opening doors, etc. but because they hope it increases their chances to score. Screw that. They might as well wear a sign saying "Are you fooled yet?" LOL, I've already pointed out that I've seen this with all leos I've dated. So, I don't think that they ALL did it for that reason. I am more inclined to believe that it makes them feel more macho or something. I'm sure that they do realize that SOME women enjoy the treatment, at the same time... and you may not know anyone like this or agree, but there are plenty of men out there who do want the woman to be the woman, and let them be the man. I went out with one guy who was a bit extreme about it (i.e. He hadn't gotten paid yet, so we couldn't go out... my treat, so we stayed in.) If it was just game for him as well, I'm sure he wouldn't have had a problem letting me pay. And generally, I think I can tell who is doing things because they want to or it's the right thing, and who is doing it for show. It's not fool proof, of course, but with time... the ones who open the doors STILL open the doors. It's similar to foreplay in that sense.
carhill Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Just so you know, a true gentleman behaves a certain way because it makes him feel good about himself. The recipient of the behavior just enjoys any good fortune they perceive. If someone doesn't care for or is skeptical of my behavior in that regard, it matters not to me. I like who I am
johan Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 -1. Not me. Been that way (gentlemanly behavior) since a child. Learned from my father..... You know the chicks dig it when you claim it's real. Especially if you can reference some kind of Pavlovian conditioning from way back before you were capable of critical thinking. You're good!
Trialbyfire Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Ladies, how important is to you that I guy open doors, carry bags, and do all of the other things that a proper gentleman is supposed to do? Common courtesy is very important to me. I've yet to date a guy who hasn't been courteous but part of that might be the type of man I prefer.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 You know the chicks dig it when you claim it's real. Especially if you can reference some kind of Pavlovian conditioning from way back before you were capable of critical thinking. You're good! Wow, thanks now i know when a guy is truly bullsh*ting.
carhill Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 You know the chicks dig it when you claim it's real. Especially if you can reference some kind of Pavlovian conditioning from way back before you were capable of critical thinking. You're good! It's called "socialization". Glad I had the trough I did to sidle up to
Peter_pan Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Chivarly is dead because women killed it, they dont want it. So why be a gentleman anymore. Women at some point or another revert back into this immature wild bitch who fall for bad men and con artists. So why should a man be a gentleman when he can be a G and score all the punnany he ever wanted. couldn't agree more
Angel1111 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 This is HUGE for me and I wouldn't dream of compromising it for a second. I love a guy with manners. My son also opens doors for me - and he opens them for people coming through, etc. The flip side of that coin is that I always say thank you to anyone who opens the door for me. I'm always amazed when my son opens the door for people and they never say a word of thanks. It's about manners from both sides.
Angel1111 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Without romantic intent, one reason I enjoy women of my mother's generation (60's-80's, mom is 86) is that they stereotypically respond so well to gentlemanly behaviors. I've actually had women my age (almost 50) say "I don't need that", "I can do that for myself". As an example, when flying and upon de-boarding, I'll pull down a carry-on out of the bin for an elderly lady, without comment, and this tells her two things, one that I'm a gentleman, and two that I noticed her and the bag she had. Overwhelmingly, they are surprised but appreciative. "Thank you so much, young man" (Yeah, like I'm a young man ) My mom was a very independent and physically strong lady, but she always appreciated a gentleman's behavior, so gave me what I feel is an excellent role model of how to treat women. Most women of my generation, my wife included, don't really appreciate that, or so I perceive. It's like I'm insulting them or demeaning them. Or that their bag has been soiled by my touch I have many more examples, but, overwhelmingly, it's just another indicator of compatibility, or lack thereof, when actions of love and/or respect are not perceived in the fashion which they are intended. Something gets lost in the translation. I'll be interested to hear more of the female perspective on this. I think these women who say those negative things to you are showing their incredibly rude manners - not to mention their stupidity. Shame on them. So many women have misinterpreted this women's lib crap. I get so sick of it. A lot of women have missed the point and forget that they can be independent and still act like ladies, and men who haven't figured out their own standards have decided to take the route of "I'm just treating you like an equal". As if things needed to get any more complicated between men and women...
Trialbyfire Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I just realized chivalry is dead... most guys just put on a front because they know how to play the game. No, it's not dead. In getting to know someone before you date them, you can gauge if the courtesy is inherent or solely for show. I can't stand the latter.
Angel1111 Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Chivalry for the most part and women killed it. I show the same common courtesy that I show to men but I don't go out of my way to be chivalrous to women. No holding open doors, giving up my seat or any of that. Based on other comments and posts I've seen from you, Woggle, I think this might be a good place to start if you're interested in changing your mindset, and your life. Women didn't do anything to you or to your own standards. If you want to be a gentleman, then be one. No one has any say over that except you. It might make you feel good.
Geishawhelk Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 This is HUGE for me and I wouldn't dream of compromising it for a second. I love a guy with manners. My son also opens doors for me - and he opens them for people coming through, etc. The flip side of that coin is that I always say thank you to anyone who opens the door for me. I'm always amazed when my son opens the door for people and they never say a word of thanks. It's about manners from both sides. Yes, I think it's apalling that adults treat children as second-class citsiens... As if they don't matter, or are of lower consideration. That really IS rude. They're just as human... and it's how we treat them when they're young, that colours their attitudes in adult life. I opened a door for an elderly gentleman one day, who juat sailed through, took one look at me, then turned away. My mother really took him apart, and berated him... he seemed to think that as an elderly gentleman he deserved such treatment, but had no need to give it out in reurn. Regardless of age, gender, religion, whatever, courtesy leaps boundaries and leaves them redundant. Chivalry is being attended to personally by the gentleman in your life. Courtesy is a common trait applicable to all regardless. I saw it defined thus, once: "COURTESY: A Form of respectful and polite behaviour, practise by civilised people, when they can be bothered to find the time." It only takes a second to say thank you, and both that, and a smile, are still completely and utterly FOC, tax-free, and they can't touch you for it!! Can't we find a bit of time for it?
Author KinAZ Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 This is HUGE for me and I wouldn't dream of compromising it for a second. I love a guy with manners. My son also opens doors for me - and he opens them for people coming through, etc. The flip side of that coin is that I always say thank you to anyone who opens the door for me. I'm always amazed when my son opens the door for people and they never say a word of thanks. It's about manners from both sides. Yeah, that sort of stuff bugs me too! I've seen my son rather disappointed a few times because of rude people, and it's really frustrating because it's hard to explain (in nice terms). It is really nice though when people appreciate the help. He's made a few dollars in his quest to be a gentleman here and there, so I guess it balances out.
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