anne1707 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Almost three years ago I started an affair with a man I worked with. We fell in love and have continued to see each other in spite of my husband thinking the affair was over. He kept asking me to leave my husband and the last time he did this was only 3 weeks ago. When I said I couldn't, he ended the affair. At work he has continued to spend time with me and obviously enjoys being with me. Only a week ago he sent me a text telling me he wanted us to spend our life together. Meanwhile I finally realise that my marriage is just not working and that yes I do want to be with this man. I told him this only a couple of days ago but he told me that he was now seeing someone else who he said it was too soon to say whether it was love. I still told my husband that the marriage was not right and that I still loved this man. Yesterday I went to see him and he told me he did not know whether he could give me what I wanted. He was obviously very upset and said he was angry that I had only told my husband now and not sooner as it may be too late for us. He said he would have to think about what he wanted. Only 3 hours later he texts me to say he can't give me what I want and then when I phoned him later, he told me not to call him, that it was over and that he loved someone else (something he had denied only the day before). Can his feelings for me have changed so much? Only 3 weeks ago he asked me to do exactly what I have just done? He said things yesterday which indicate he still cares. How can he have fallen for some one else so quickly? I have all these questions racing through my mind and that is all on top of what do I do about my marriage and whether that is really over
Author anne1707 Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 I should add that I have to see this man every day at work still. This is going to be so hard for me.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 First of all what is that you want? It seemed like you had wanted to stay in the marriage but still had wanted an affair with the OM. The only reason you want a divorce is because the OM asked you to. But when you refused, he started dating someone else. Both of you are selfish, and you need to think over what is it that you really want before you start hurting other ppl, namely your husband. And as for the OM, it doesn't matter why his feelings changed, even if you had gotten together later on, his feelings would've still have changed. Admit that you cheated and try working out with your husband, other wise get a dvorce and then go out and start having sex with random guys. That way, you'll feel less guilty.
bill1234 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I should add that I have to see this man every day at work still. This is going to be so hard for me.I work with my ex too, and she's with another guy immediately after telling me she loved me, too. I can't give you any positive news about the work thing. It's unbelievably tough. She's there in front of me every day and I desire her every day - and the new guy works in the same company too so I see them together all the time. It's shockingly tough to deal with. What I've been doing is throwing myself into my work and trying, trying to ignore her, while remaining reasonable towards her in a work context. It's tough as hell to do. It's always better when she's not there, even though I know she's off on vacation days with him. I am seeing a counselor who suggests that the constant unavoidable contact may work as "exposure therapy" to the fact that they're together. In fact even though I'm hurting unimaginably, I don't get a stab in my heart any more when I see them hanging out, so maybe she's right. Good luck!
kyta Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Almost three years ago I started an affair with a man I worked with. We fell in love and have continued to see each other in spite of my husband thinking the affair was over. He kept asking me to leave my husband and the last time he did this was only 3 weeks ago. When I said I couldn't, he ended the affair. At work he has continued to spend time with me and obviously enjoys being with me. Only a week ago he sent me a text telling me he wanted us to spend our life together. Meanwhile I finally realise that my marriage is just not working and that yes I do want to be with this man. I told him this only a couple of days ago but he told me that he was now seeing someone else who he said it was too soon to say whether it was love. I still told my husband that the marriage was not right and that I still loved this man. Yesterday I went to see him and he told me he did not know whether he could give me what I wanted. He was obviously very upset and said he was angry that I had only told my husband now and not sooner as it may be too late for us. He said he would have to think about what he wanted. Only 3 hours later he texts me to say he can't give me what I want and then when I phoned him later, he told me not to call him, that it was over and that he loved someone else (something he had denied only the day before). Can his feelings for me have changed so much? Only 3 weeks ago he asked me to do exactly what I have just done? He said things yesterday which indicate he still cares. How can he have fallen for some one else so quickly? I have all these questions racing through my mind and that is all on top of what do I do about my marriage and whether that is really over Yours changed for your husbands, so why cant some one else change there feelings? its called karma what goes round comes round, live with it, live by the sowrd and all that, try treating ppl in your life faily and with some compashion, it must have ripped your husbands heart out about the affair, and now you carry on lieying to him, get a life and chnge how you treat ppl, stop lieying and cheating, if you dont want to be with ur husband then end it with him, dont drag it out and make him suffer more.
Lookingforward Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Almost three years ago I started an affair with a man I worked with. We fell in love and have continued to see each other in spite of my husband thinking the affair was over. He kept asking me to leave my husband and the last time he did this was only 3 weeks ago. When I said I couldn't, he ended the affair. At work he has continued to spend time with me and obviously enjoys being with me. Only a week ago he sent me a text telling me he wanted us to spend our life together. Meanwhile I finally realise that my marriage is just not working and that yes I do want to be with this man. I told him this only a couple of days ago but he told me that he was now seeing someone else who he said it was too soon to say whether it was love. I still told my husband that the marriage was not right and that I still loved this man. Yesterday I went to see him and he told me he did not know whether he could give me what I wanted. He was obviously very upset and said he was angry that I had only told my husband now and not sooner as it may be too late for us. He said he would have to think about what he wanted. Only 3 hours later he texts me to say he can't give me what I want and then when I phoned him later, he told me not to call him, that it was over and that he loved someone else (something he had denied only the day before). Can his feelings for me have changed so much? Only 3 weeks ago he asked me to do exactly what I have just done? He said things yesterday which indicate he still cares. How can he have fallen for some one else so quickly? I have all these questions racing through my mind and that is all on top of what do I do about my marriage and whether that is really over You may get more insight by posting your sitch over in the OW/OM or Infidelity forums....... it doesn't sound like he wants to give it another chance - so now you have to decide what you want to do about your M
backto1 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 This makes me so sick. People are so selfish these days. What you need to do is break it off with the OM 100% and get away from him at the job. Then you need to figure out what the hell to do with your marriage with a clear head.
Lookingforward Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 a better question might be, even if you could why would you want to ?
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 1. Can his feelings for me have changed so much? I hope so. And hopefully he changed because he has a found his moral compass again. Or maybe he has decided he needs a woman who IS NOT attached to someone else by bounds commitment to a current partner. Or that he is too go to go after someone's crumbs when someone else can offer him a full meal. 2. Only 3 weeks ago he asked me to do exactly what I have just done? He said things yesterday which indicate he still cares. Caring does not equal love. I care about everybody, even if I don't like what they do, but it does not mean I want to be with them emotionally and/or romantically. How can he have fallen for some one else so quickly? How could you cheat on your husband? Don't get me wrong, I understand that not everyday is going to be peaches n' cream, but these are the times you buckle down, not complicate matters by lying to your husband or inviting someone into the sex life... Would you allow him to do it if the shoes were on the other foot? Or do you not care about what could happen to you or either one of them? If I was him, I would not blame him. It is bad enough you and he caught feelings, but now you want him to play second fiddle when he doesn't want to? I have all these questions racing through my mind and that is all on top of what do I do about my marriage and whether that is really over. Now as for your two questions... 1) Can I get him back? You don't deserve to have him back until you get divorced. And you probably won't get him back anyway because hopefully he is smart enough to move on. 2) Should I? Have you and your husband talked about you being able to have extramarital affairs? Is he is okay with it. They you could always try and get him back if you want. But, me probably thinking this is not the cause, you don't deserve the right to get him back. At least not while your married. DNR
dead-dyke Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I saw this and didn't want to be the first reply, but here goes......... I think I hate people like you.
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