jjwest69 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Its been 5 years, 3 years Married.We moved back to my home town in Australia after meeting her and marring her in the USA, she has a 17year old son now who has lived with us since the begging.We have been back for 2 years in Australia.Its been a hard time living back here lots of pressure.Any way I love her and her son very much, unfortuntly she does not and says i,m holding her back and she wants to move on, I think she is full of ****, she has a lot if issues her self and I think she see's another life with another person now.There is a lot i did wrong in this marriage but in the end i was willing to really work on it and change, she was not and said it was over.I,m angry because she gave up and said she could feel again,she always has her son to fall back to and tells every one he is her only friend, to close a friend i think. So She left last week, she told me it was over and i told her to go, I told her i cant see her again as it is herting me so so much. The hardest thing is she works 1 block down the street in my home town and has moved into a short term place 1 block away and also has had a realestate call me for a reference check on her for a perminate place, If she is really finished i want her to go back to the USA and start her new life there, not in my town where i see her every day, it herts to much, why would she do this to me, she says she still loves me but not in a intermit way.So why would she do this. I,ve let here go, but it is killing me, dont Know what to do now.. All alone, she was my family and i feel so empty and have nothing...
Simon Leon Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I feel for yer mate, I too married a US chick only to be kicked to the curb after 11yrs. You have to put some distance between you and her until you can get yourself to a better place. Then you can objectively assess the situation. It's a good thing that she wants to try to put roots down in Aus. It shows that she has some guts and determination to try to make the most of her current situation. That shows some character. It would be the easy way out for her to just pack her bags and bail back to the US. Try to give her as much space as your heart can possibly allow. Only that will giver her the opportunity to come to her senses as to what she wants from her life. Be strong.
Author jjwest69 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Thanks for the advice. I will be strong.This feeling is getting harder i feel so alone, and more unhappy as i see her when i drive by her work.Its on the mind 24/7.not good
TrustInYourself Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 You did the right thing. You got out with your self respect. Don't blame yourself for doing what you could. Best wishes.
Lookingforward Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Sometimes moving countries for love can be downright scary in itself, on top of all the learning to relate to someone else that's normal for any R. 9,000 miles is a LONG way from "home" Maybe given enough space and time she will change her mind..not sure that's what you want though.
Peter_pan Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 hey jj sorry to hear that, stay strong and you never know she may change her feeling back for you. remember we are always here to talk and listen to you x
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Yeah it does suck but here's a idea! Why dont you move here!! To the US I mean. I know austrailia is nice but think about all the things you could do here. travel the country, find some fun, and girls from the US dig men with accents!!! As long as you got the paper what's stopping you from enjoying your life and starting over. You might have some fun. If you see the chick ignore her. period. her and her son isnt worth your time. Sorry to say that but if that's the kind of woman who destroys a decent man for her own selfish needs over her own son how could you as a man respect that?
Peter_pan Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 is it really true that the girls like the english accent?
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 LMAO!!! God I have to school you guys to everything! where's gunny and woggle when you need them???
Lookingforward Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Yeah it does suck but here's a idea! Why dont you move here!! To the US I mean. I know austrailia is nice but think about all the things you could do here. travel the country, find some fun, and girls from the US dig men with accents!!! As long as you got the paper what's stopping you from enjoying your life and starting over. You might have some fun. If you see the chick ignore her. period. her and her son isnt worth your time. Sorry to say that but if that's the kind of woman who destroys a decent man for her own selfish needs over her own son how could you as a man respect that? Not sure what you mean by "got the paper" - being married to an american doesn't give you automatic us citizenship these days
Author jjwest69 Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Thanks guys & girls I know everyone means well, but it it so hard, i have a business here now, too much commitment to move anywhere, would love just to pack up and go back to the USA , the us women are hot. My biggest problem is i wake up every morning sick with the thaught of her doing it with another man , especially someone in my home town who nows who i am, the thaught is driving me mad. Any ways to get this off my mind...? how can she be so cruel and think i,m not herting, I think her heart is dead she has had so much death in her history she just completly shuts down, she has no feeling at all... She just falls back to her son and does not know what it is like to fall alone...
Author jjwest69 Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Not sure what you mean by "got the paper" - being married to an american doesn't give you automatic us citizenship these days I have a green card!!
Lookingforward Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I have a green card!! okay - but there's a time limit on it and it's not citizenship is it conditional ? (not that it matters as you say you are pretty much tied to being down under anyway) Then again, her residency in Australia may be conditional on being married to an Australian citizen....... bit of a mess isn't it ?
Author jjwest69 Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 We have been in Australia for over 2 years, her austalian visa was a temp visa for 2 years, then its perm. after if we are still married and my american visa was just renued for another 2 years ,i can be away from the usa for that 2 years then i need to renew again, i had a lawyer for this and it was not cheap.I thaught it would be worth keeping if we ever went back, but that sounds like it won't happen now.With them anyway... maybe she held on untill her was perm..is this paronoier setting in?
Lookingforward Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 We have been in Australia for over 2 years, her austalian visa was a temp visa for 2 years, then its perm. after if we are still married and my american visa was just renued for another 2 years ,i can be away from the usa for that 2 years then i need to renew again, i had a lawyer for this and it was not cheap.I thaught it would be worth keeping if we ever went back, but that sounds like it won't happen now.With them anyway... maybe she held on untill her was perm..is this paronoier setting in? It's always possible hon, it wouldn't be the first time.......was she keen to get away from the US ?
Angel1111 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 is it really true that the girls like the english accent? I did once upon a time until I married an English guy who was so verbally abusive that it now actually turns me off to hear an English accent. My ex may be squawking about how his American wife dumped him, too. But he knows what he did. He told me once that he thought that when my son grew up, he'd hunt him down and beat the crap out of him. I told him my son had better things to do with his time. Yes, girls love an English accent, just like guys love women with accents. Plus, if the accent isn't overly heavy, English accents are really quite lovely, dahling.
Author jjwest69 Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Her son has a better life here and has friends, in the USA he had none...
Angel1111 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Thanks guys & girls I know everyone means well, but it it so hard, i have a business here now, too much commitment to move anywhere, would love just to pack up and go back to the USA , the us women are hot. My biggest problem is i wake up every morning sick with the thaught of her doing it with another man , especially someone in my home town who nows who i am, the thaught is driving me mad. Any ways to get this off my mind...? how can she be so cruel and think i,m not herting, I think her heart is dead she has had so much death in her history she just completly shuts down, she has no feeling at all... She just falls back to her son and does not know what it is like to fall alone... Just a few things here. First of all, I doubt that her son is that much of a cushion, unless she has an unusually close, non-parent relationship with him. Although that may be the case here based on what you said. I'm close to my son but he's not my buddy or friend, and definitely not someone to soften the blows for me. That's not his job. His job is to be the kid. He's a great one, too, I might add. The other thing I wonder about what you said about how you screwed up. I don't know exactly what happened but maybe it was just enough to push her over the edge. I really doubt that she's not hurting, or that she doesn't realize how much you're hurting. She seems to be in a place where she can't handle the relationship right now. You know, if you believe your marriage really has potential - in other words, if you really believe the two of you can overcome your problems and be truly happy, then I'll tell you that women find it very hard to resist a man who is truly in love with her, and who is willing to show that, despite her rebuffs. Let a little time pass and then start wooing her again. If you need help with that, I'm sure lots of people can give you pointers. This doesn't mean pressuring her, it means demonstrating love without any attachments. She loved you once before, she can love you again.
Lookingforward Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Her son has a better life here and has friends, in the USA he had none... I'm really sorry it has turned out this way for you jj, but on the upside, divorce down under isn't quite the slamdunk for the female that it can be in the states....she may have a few surprises coming.
Author jjwest69 Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 You are right about alot, but not her son , she even told me 2 days after she left and came back to talk, I cracked up and said that i had no one now and she admited that she has always had her son and he was her only and best friend and she had him to be with wnen i told her to go..I know this is a wrong lesson for him because he is only just 17 and when he wants to leave she will find this very very hard and he might just a little aswell.They have been as one for along time with no father figure, they survived on there own with no help from anyone. I guess it was to much in the end and we had differant meanings of life, but i know our love was stronger and we could have worked on it. It has always been a strugle with him and I, He always had adult male friends but not a father figure, this from me he could never understand.
Angel1111 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 You are right about alot, but not her son , she even told me 2 days after she left and came back to talk, I cracked up and said that i had no one now and she admited that she has always had her son and he was her only and best friend and she had him to be with wnen i told her to go..I know this is a wrong lesson for him because he is only just 17 and when he wants to leave she will find this very very hard and he might just a little aswell.They have been as one for along time with no father figure, they survived on there own with no help from anyone. I guess it was to much in the end and we had differant meanings of life, but i know our love was stronger and we could have worked on it. It has always been a strugle with him and I, He always had adult male friends but not a father figure, this from me he could never understand. But he will never be a replacement for a romantic relationship. Don't underestimate the importance of that.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Not sure what you mean by "got the paper" - being married to an american doesn't give you automatic us citizenship these days LMAO!!! Got the paper is slang for having money... not a green card.
Lookingforward Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 LMAO!!! Got the paper is slang for having money... not a green card. then try talking english
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 then try talking english ...What are you talking about that is english! Sorry if you cant increase your vernacular.
Author jjwest69 Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 I don't believe you are having a tiff like you ****ers are on my problem, i wonder why your ****ed up. who gives a ****, any accent can be hot, it depends on the attraction to the person stupid, the conversation and your personal attraction to there apperance.
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