How Should I React To Her?

[ns_para]

Here's the short and sweet of it:

 

1) We've been flirting at work for months.

2) We went on a few dates at the beach and on patios.

3) I finally kissed her one night and we fooled around.

4) We spent many days hanging out, talking, and fooling around. We've done lots of talking and learning about each other.

5) She was always passive and shy and I initiated everything but she communicates fine when we're not talking about relationships.

6) I asked if she was okay with what we were doing because I was getting mixed messages due to her lack of communication. She put her head on me and said she was really happy with things.

6) A few days later we were fooling around really heavy and ended up sleeping together (I explicitly asked her first and she explicity answered yes).

7) She came over a few days after that and SHE initiated another romp in my bed, afterwards we stayed up talking and laughing for hours.

8) The next day she suddenly said it was too fast and she was freaking out and wanted to simply hang out and that work was awkward.

9) As we said goodbye she was standing close looking up at me waiting for a kiss but I misinterpreted it because she said she only wanted to hang out.

10) Since then she always comes close to me at work, gazes into my eyes lots, hesitates leaving, and there is lots of "attraction" tension between us.

11) She goes out of her way to bring me lunch etc. when I'm working overtime.

12) She initiates texts with me with questions about what I'm up to, and when I reply I don't hear from her again for a few hours! Consistently!

13) She makes plans with me for the weekend but then suddenly has other things to do. She leads me on with vague "We'll definitely have to [insert activity here] this weekend!" text messages but hasn't followed through.

14) I really like her and want to date her (we can slow down but I want to kiss her when I see her) but I'm sick of being a yo-yo, so I'm starting to withdraw from her because I'm not putting up with this.

 

She's not a player and she's not a bad person. On the other hand she's very sweet and kind and I know she doesn't have a heck of a lot of relationship experience, although she is in her mid 20s. Her friends all do, however.

 

I want to talk to her about how I feel about things but I can't seem to get her alone!

 

What is going on here and what can I do about it?

[refurb]

She's probably over analyzing things. She probably plays out scenarios in her head of the whole situation with you going bad. However, she's obviously attracted to you (the whole penis in vagina thing is a good clue), so she goes back and forth between wanting to be with you and trying to hold herself back so she doesn't get hurt.

 

I would guess better communication would help. If you can allay her fears of things going sour with you, it might help.

 

RF

[AcidDJx]

He never said they had sex. She is attracted to you, but maybe had a relationship where it went this way, and then horribly wrong in the past. Maybe that's why she's shy about talking about relationships?

 

Ask her what's up. Nothing bad can come of a simple talk.

[sweetbutcheeky]

Talk to her. Tell her that you can tell she is still interested and your both attracted, but that something happened to freak her out. Ask her what it was and what she would be more comfortable with.