thekid55 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I've made some recent postings on here. I'm just looking for verification that I am handling this the right way. I started dating this one girl at college in late March. Her and I instantly clicked. We jumped into things really quickly. While we were never in an "official" relationship, we pretty much acted like a couple. (We wouldn't hook up with others, etc). We shared a bed on most nights, were intimate, etc. Her and I had this thing for almost 2 months at school. Since we are 5 hours apart for the summer, we decided to just play it cool for the summer. Before she left, she cried in my arms for at least 10 minutes because she didn't want to leave me. That showed me her feelings were real all along. She gets home for summer and was immediately bombarded by her ex. Her ex's friends would even get in her face and yell at her for having someone new (me) when her ex loved her so much... They dated for a year in high school, but she broke up with him when he told her that she wasn't worth it anymore. This was right after New Years. He had been trying to win her back with gifts, cards, even came to visit her at school. (They went to school 12 hours apart for college). Apparently, he had been calling her a lot, trying to get her to hang out with him...she told me all of this and she never hung out with him. Apparently, all of the drama at home was starting to make the relationship with me not worth it to her. Things with her had been good. We would talk everyday. This lasted until the beginning of June when problems with her ex started to dominate our conversations. He apparently tried to kiss her at some party and she denied him. She got so flustered with all of this and he even begged her to forgive him. Her away message the next day was like, "f you"..so I was wondering why she made it such a big deal since she had me convinced at school that she was over it. She has told me that she really wants to be friends with him since she is pretty much friends with all of her exes...he just doesn't seem to want that. I got tired of hearing about the problems, so I told her that they were avoidable and that she should try to limit exposure to him at parties. (They have mutual friends) She viewed this as me "trying to control her"...this led to a huge argument between her and I when she told me "you don't understand me, i just think we should be friends because if we keep going at this, it'll make it worse" Needless to say, I was surprised. But I didn't cling on to her. I gave it a few days to die down. We had planned a trip for me to come visit her prior to the fight. I called her a few days before to see if it was on. I told her that I was coming to visit my room mate who lives near her and she suggested lunch. I went and it was awkward. I tried to save the relationship and try to talk to her about it. I even told her that I would be more willing to listen to her problems rather than advise. She wasn't for it and she told me that she doesn't want what we have right now. I left the meeting with her. I texted her a few days after. She IMed me about her favorite sports team. We went for about a week and a half without talking before she called me to talk about our lives...this conversation happened about 2 weeks ago and we have not talked since. My question: School restarts in September..about 2 months away..How do you evaluate her behavior? I'm giving her all the space in the world and not applying any pressure. I really haven't contacted her in about a month and the two times we have spoken in the last month have been initiated by her. There was never any talk about "us"..Do you think us not talking is the best thing for now? I'm probably 90% confident that she isn't dating or hooking up with other. What do you think?
cjanee Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Apparently, he had been calling her a lot, trying to get her to hang out with him...she told me all of this and she never hung out with him. Apparently, all of the drama at home was starting to make the relationship with me not worth it to her. You have to ask yourself why is she engaging with him if she does not have feelings for him? Things with her had been good. We would talk everyday. This lasted until the beginning of June when problems with her ex started to dominate our conversations. He apparently tried to kiss her at some party and she denied him. I was wondering why she made it such a big deal since she had me convinced at school that she was over it. She has told me that she really wants to be friends with him since she is pretty much friends with all of her exes... This is a big red flag here. Being friends with an ex when you are in a new relationship is not fair to you. They have not had enough time apart to get over each other. It sounds like you are the rebound guy. Until she lets go of him completely you will be the guy she turns to when they are in their drama. I would walk. She sounds really mixed up and insecure. It seems like she is wanting back up men and that is why she insists that its ok to be friends with her ex's. This is a game that people play when they are afraid to be alone. I will keep people on the shelf for the inbetween stages of relationships and when things get tough with a relationship that way I am never alone and I don't really have to work at intimacy.
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