hi_baby039 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Ok, here it goes. Long story short. We met through an ex mutual friend. I had known this guy for years, and we had had some sort of friend with benefits thing that included me giving him oral sex once, when I was 15. Later when I was 17 he introduced me to my now boyfriend. Everything was fine and smooth until he asked me about my past, and he knew about this friendship with benefits. Well, lately things with my boyfriend have been great. He has a good group of friends from college. And they see each other very often, they're very supportive and just a great group. I'm glad he has these friends, they're very nice to be around. They've known each other for like 4 - 5 years. They like to party, but they're not wild or anything. But prior to this he had also another group of friends. He was friends with these guys for years, and years. They were all musicians, so thats where they knew each other from and that's kind of what they bonded over initially. And that's where he met our ex friend (the one that introduced us). These guys are wild when they party, and my boyfriend, when he was younger, went along. You know, a lot of drinking and pot smoking, running away from the cops, drinking in public places, etc. And girls. My boyfriend has never been a promiscuous guy, he's only ever been with other girls in more of a serious fashion, but still he's told me he enjoys (or at least when he was single), he enjoys looking. Well, because one of those guys was my ex friend with benefits, and that made my boyfriend very jealous and bitter towards him, he eventually "gave them up". He started seeing and talking to them less and less, and stopped going partying with them, stopped playing with them and well... now he talks to them sometimes on IM. There is one of tem who's kinda closer to him and is also an acquantaince of mine, and sometimes he'll call him to have a few beers. But that's it. I never asked him to stop seeing them, he just said that because my "ex" is part of the gang, that could create problems, or that he wouldn't like everyone else to know about the problems we have, or what I did with that guy and end up beinf humilliated. I'm glad he doesn't see them anymore, to be honest. Some of the things they did were kind of wild, and well, they were ok I guess for a 20 year old, but my boyfriend is soon to be graduating and his musician friends are still stuck in partying and having no sense of responsibility. He never makes any comments about missing them or anything... sometimes I feel he likes his college friends better. However there has been the odd argument when I tell him that I stopped seeing some of my friends because of him (because he doesn't like what I did on girls nights out, when I was single), and then he'll come back saying "Well, I gave up a lot of friends too, just because of what you had with X. Sometimes they ask me why I no longr han out with them, and sometimes, I'd like to". Lately he has made no comments and well, he seems to be happy the things way are now. But I don't know if he misses this wild partying and stuff. I'm also afraid because if he did go out with them, there would be a lot of girls (probably musicians too) and he likes musician girls (that's how he met me although I've never been friends with that crowd), or at least girls that share his same taste in music. And as things have been rocky for us because of this ex friend of mine, I think maybe if he were wild partying with them he could meet a girl that better suited his standards. At least a girl that wouldn't make him feel jealous and like he had to give up his friends (like me). Or maybe, he could just cheat because he's a bit resentful and likes to get even and stuff (although I've never cheated, but I lied about the relationship with this ex friend. I came clean imediately though, and this was over a year ago). I don't know. Sometimes I ask him if he misses going out partying every weekend. He says he doesn't. That he's older now and he's been thinking about other things. That he'd like to settle down, and that he even thinks of a future with me. All his college friends have long term girlfriends and some are even living together/engaged. My boyfriend is the yongest one of the group though. I don't force him not to go out. But I prefer when he goes out with his college buddies. They're nice and don't go overboard, while still having fun. However I do feel uncomfortable if he goes out with the musicians and there are unknown girls (I think this is a problem I need to solve, right? It's not right to feel like this, I suspect). He also feels uncomfortable if I go out with other guys, but that's because I lied and he doesn't trust me and because of the things I did on girls nights out when I was single, so I avoid it too. Anyway, I also think I grew out of the things I did when I was younger. Do you think all of this will backfire? If he decides to start partying hard with his musicians pals again, how should I handle this? I don't like the idea of alcohol + weed + defying the cops + GIRLS. However it sounds like he had fun with this when he was younger. I'm stressing over this because I never did anything similar, so I don't really know what can happen in such a scenario. My wildest parties were drinking a bit and making out with a stranger. What should I do?
xjohnsgirlx Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I use to go out partying and drinking lots not wild as your bf but when i was with my x i stopped all of that because i did want to settle down, and he didnt drink at all. What made things worse was he always always was like one day youll want to go out again and party and i always said no because i didnt want to. I wanted to spend my time with him and i hated it that he didnt trust me and felt it was okay to not only ask but state that, like he knew what id do. He was so wrong. One of the reasons why his my x ... i wouldnt force the questions on him. His with you for a reason =) there must be things about you that he enjoys thats why your his gf. I wouldnt stress too much. Trust him.. and he has this new group of friends ... which it doesnt look like hell give up ne time soon?
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