ctomlins Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I have been with this guy for about a month and a half. Everything was going great for the 1st two weeks and then out of no where his ex started texting him and calling him wanting him back. They have been apart for 3 monthes now. They were together for 9 monthes. She keeps telling him that she loves him still and wants him back. He told me that when he would go over there she wouldn't acknowledge him like she would her roommates Boyfriend. She would run up and give her roommates boyfriend a hug but when he came over and would just say "Hi" to him. He would have to ask for a hug when he got there. They had talked about marrage and even had their kids named that they wanted to have. He showed me all his pictures from growing up the first week we were together and he told me he never showed these to her because he was to afraid of what she would think of him from the pictures. They had a lot in common and he did say he didn't really know why things didn't work out with them they just didn't at the time. They were a long distance relationship and she is moving even furter away from him and he is moving too which is further away and it is closer to me! We totally clicked from the get go and he said he has always had to work really hard to make a relationship work from the beginning and with us he didn't have to try real hard at all it just kind of fell into place. But because all of a sudden she has been trying to get him back he has been having second thoughts and it has stirred up a lot of emotions that he thought he was over. But he also tells me that he likes me a lot and really likes having me around. Is thing something I should be worried about or just give him some space to figure everything out? He said last night part of him is playing that what if game and the other part of him is thinking she just wants to have kids and knows he will be a great father which i know he will! I am trying to tell him that he would be settling by going back to her when there could be something better out there. Help!!!
orangehose Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Hey ctomlin, I have been in your position before, friends of mine have been in your position before, and it sucks. It's kind of irresponsible of your new boyfriend to have started a relationship so soon, and before feelings for his ex or issues with her were resolved. But now that the deed is done and he's experiencing confusion, he needs to decide where he stands. You're right that he'd be settling by going back to her (he didn't feel comfortable enough with her to show her childhood pictures?!?), but unfortunately, he has to come to that realization on his own. I would say tell him that although you really like him, it's uncomfortable to be with someone with mixed feelings, and then ask him what he wants. It may be that he wants to go back to her, try things again, but still have you waiting for him in case things don't work out - VERY selfish of him in my opinion, but it would be up to you if you were willing to tolerate that.
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