teacher1984 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 OK so theres a lot of background to this that I don't want to go into here cos it's not really the right place. However because of a lot of problems I had in my past and my ex telling me a few little white lies at the start of our relationship last November I basically started telling him big lies about myself - not malicious type ones, just inventing a better family for myself etc. Now we then fell in love quite quickly and I spent christmas with his family. He moved in with me in February and everything was going great but I couldn't come clean about the lies and so kept them up. Now I genuinely had every intention of coming clean to him this week as he was going to have to go home with me to pick up some stuff but I get uncovered on the 30th June. We broke up but he said he still wanted to be friends and hasn't moved all of his stuff out of the flat. At first he was indicating that there would be a chance for us - he asked if I would wash his dressing gown and said that that was a good sign. I've started counselling to help me deal with my issues so that I can get better and he came along with me (this was last monday) and he is coming again this week. At first I did all the wrong things, called him constantly, tried talking about our relationship etc. TBH I was/am finding the friends things tough as I still love and am unsure what he feels for me. He changes, saying things like it's hard not to kiss me, but he can't contemplate a relationship etc. I'm also not sure if he's over his ex, some of my problems came from a text he sent to her saying he couldn't see her incase it made him want her again and he's never mentioned me to her at all. He says they don't have contact now and I believe that. However I know she hurt him and they went through a period of being friends and then got back together and it didn't work. Since yesterday I've made a point of ignoring his two texts and have not text him yet today....do you think no contact will work in helping us get back together? He says he has some feelings for me bt aren't sure what they are, and he seems upset when I suggest him moving his stuff or me not calling him. Is there any hope? I'm still going to the counselling and have already made big leaps towards getting better...I've dealt with the issues from my childhood. I now just need to deal with the rape I suffered a few years ago - my ex was the first person i told about it but because of where we studied he had to face the guy who did it most days and he found it hard - this led to some of my lies, it was like I wanted to make it up to him in a weird kind of way. So any advice would be welcome - just please don't judge me too harshly I know I did wrong but genuinely couldn't help it and am now working on getting better in the right way. Thanks x
Author teacher1984 Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 Does no-one have anything to say after reading this? Any advice would be welcome - should i cut him out and move on, or keep working on friends and hope that me getting the help I need will help him to come back eventually?
undertaker79 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 First, I would come clean about the "little lies & all that stuff. If you choose to tell him about the rape, dont let it be because you are looking for sympathy from him. Either way, once you let it all be known u will feel better & then u can go from there. As far as waiting for him to make up his mind? I wouldnt wait at all! As a former man (LOL!) we will string u as far & as long as we can.....http://www.iwantmyloveback.com
Author teacher1984 Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 I've come clean but he is still evasive about his and even though his were much smaller than mine they did still cause some hurt which I don't think he realises (or cares about maybe). He changes what he says from saying we have a little chance but that he doesn't want to work on it by talking even though he wants to come to my counselling. He says he doesn't care that I don't contact him, then changes it to "I miss you but it's fine" and keeps pushing the whole friends thing. If he doesn't trust me or feel anything for me why is he so keen to stay friends? He confuses me but we did share a lot of good times together so I don't want to give up without trying because I am genuinely sure about my love. And I didn't tell him about the rape for sympathy I did it because I wanted to start being honest and come clean about everything but couldn't after I told him that because he seemed to struggle with it..so I was scared of revealing the truth. It's all out from my side now...not sure about his though I think he's come clean about all the lie but just isn't being honest now about his feelings. What should I do from here? We're meant to be meeting tomorrow but we had a bot of a row on the phone today prior to arranging it and so I'm worried it's going to be awkward....however he's coming to my counselling on Monday and I'm worried that it'd be awkward if we didn't see each other till then. I'm planning to make tomorrow a normal sort of day where we do just random things and talk about normal stuff. Is this the right way to go or should I just give in now before my feelings get stronger and it's harder to move on? Is there hope for us?
undertaker79 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Ever heard of a "Booty Call" (break glass in case of emergency). That is what we do!
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