taylor3205 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I am so confused and heart broke. Me and my ex of 10 years split up 8 months ago. I dont think he knows what he wants but we were each other first everything. Since we split he has gone completely off the wall, getting drunk all the time, sleeping around, taking drugs (which he would NEVER EVER have done). He knows the way I feel about him, he knows Im in pain and he knows what i want more than anything and that is to get back with him. He says all he can offer right now is friendship. I want to be friends but I also want a whole lot more and he knows it. He told me on the phone the other night that he did miss me and he missed talking to me, and me being me, I always get my hopes up when he says things like that and always try to dig deeper, I guess he gives me an inch and I want a mile. I was texting him the other day and he texted saying 'at least we are talking, thats a start'. He says he does care and I know he hasnt been handling our split very well. When he tells me things like he misses me, misses talking to me, he cares, he enjoys talking to me and thats a start. That tells me there is some hope of reconcilliation. Am I reading into something that just is not there? He is coming to see me next week for a talk and cuppa. Its like on one hand he is telling me its over and the next he is telling me he misses me and is coming to see me. Im worn out and no matter what I do my heart is broke. As soon as he shows an interest, I guess I go overboard and want everything back, then he starts to back off. He likes talking to me and always says why cant we just talk without talking about all the deep stuff and take things from there. I dont know what to do. If I wasnt so in love with him I would just cut him off and go 100% complete NC but I cant bring myself to do that knowing that he still cares. Yet talking to him and knowing about him and what he is getting up too and the way I feel is making me ill. Am I reading too much into something that just is not there anymore? I guess that if I back off and dont push things, that is the best way to move forward, and maybe the only way he will come back. He does say he feels trapped sometimes, because I do get pushy. But I cant help thinking Im setting myself up for more hurt. He knows exactly how I feel and what I get up too, I havent even looked at anyone in 8 months!! I dont know what to do anymore and everyday is a struggle. Help.
jamie2002 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I read your post and it was like reading my own story that i went through myself. I will promise unless you go no contact and just keep your distance and stay strong he will toy with you as long as you let him. He sounds like he has no idea what he wants and is going to pull at your heart because you are weak and in love.. i am sure he misses you etc but it is not enough..he needs to step up and put both feet in and he is dragging his feet.. exactly what my ex did for 3 yrs.. he blamed it on law school and he wanted to finish bla bla.. i knew it was because he wanted the greener pastures and to do the single scene.. but now he is ready and wants me back and knows he made a mistake and i am with someone new.. sometimes people are just on different paths and you can't change it no matter how bad you want to.. your ex is i bet wanting his cake and eat it too.. wants you on the back burner while he figures out what he really wants and he might or might not come back to make things right.. i know its hard to do but it will cause you nothing but more pain unless you go NC and move on with your life.. he is holding the hook and you are taking the bait.. he will use your weakend heart against you because he knows exactly how to do it.. he cant really miss you unless he knows he lost you.. and in the meantime you can get yourself better and stronger on your own.. 8 months .. girl it took me a lot longer to get over it since i believed all his words.. but i wish now i would have closed the door when he wanted out.. I am just trying to save you from the horrible effect this will have on you if you stay in it.. it drains all your energy,and he will keep you weak.. he has the power..you have to take it back from him.. this is the person you love and he is hurting you every day.. so confused or not ..he doesnt deserve you ..if he was a real man he would step back and let you heal and move on to someone who really cares about you but instead he is a little boy that plays games and manipulates your emotions..stay strong and slowly break free of the poison.. you will see when you do how much stronger you feel and how he will realize you are not a possesion of his.. and he doesnt have the hold on you anymore.. i promise you will get through it..
foxh1234 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 GO NC!!! This guy will respond once you shut him out. Go NC, do things for you, hang out with friends, put him out of your mind. He will probably miss you and contact you. If he does, you can decide if you want him back. If he decides not to contact you, you can continue to heal and move on. It is a win win for you. If you continue to be there when he wants you, he will keep you on a string forever. Take this advice and start NC now.
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