xjohnsgirlx Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 can a girl have a guy as a very good friend hang out go the movies, even sleep over, without the guy wanting more?
LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 can a girl have a guy as a very good friend hang out go the movies, even sleep over, without the guy wanting more? Totally! My best friend and roommate is a guy and we do all those things together and are completely platonic - never anything! It's really rare though...he only dates one type of women of a certain race that I am not,and he's not my type either, so we aren't physically attracted to each other, and we act like brother and sister so yes, it is possible! It's rare though, I think, so I am lucky in that sense...
xpaperxcutx Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Definitely, as long as the both of you lack emotional feelings for one another, the friendship can last for a lifetime.
Carmen87 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 My best friend is a male whom I have known for 8 years. There are no romantic feelings there at all, and we have always felt like brother and sister. His gf is one of my best friends and even she has no issue with us hanging out all the time.
jerbear Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Yeah, I'm a guy and I have a few I've known for over 20 years.
Balthazar Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 SHe can have me as a best friend, as long as she let's me hit it every so often.
HiItsMe Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I'm not sure....reason I wonder is....there's this guy I know that is always giving women back massages, and she's giving him the same....and sometimes kind of "cuddling" or feeling each other up.....then when ask him what's their story...he goes, "Oh, we're just good friends" And I'm like...hmm...okay. lol
carhill Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Massages? possibly....cuddling? Nuh-uh. That's not platonic friend activity. IME, the problem isn't the girl, it's the girls BF/husband. Most men are territorial The only issues I've had with purely platonic (not just the appearance of platonic) female friendships in the past has been when men were involved.
HiItsMe Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Massages? possibly....cuddling? Nuh-uh. That's not platonic friend activity. IME, the problem isn't the girl, it's the girls BF/husband. Most men are territorial The only issues I've had with purely platonic (not just the appearance of platonic) female friendships in the past has been when men were involved. Yeah, but he does that with alot of female friends...so <shrug> go figure.
saraispiel19 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Massages? possibly....cuddling? Nuh-uh. That's not platonic friend activity. IME, the problem isn't the girl, it's the girls BF/husband. Most men are territorial The only issues I've had with purely platonic (not just the appearance of platonic) female friendships in the past has been when men were involved. I definately agree with carhill on that. Honestly in my opinion I don't think guys and girls can be just friends, someone ends up liking the other. Go'head bite me head off!
carhill Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I've had a couple (I stress less than one hand of fingers) good platonic female friends in my 50 or so years and we were indeed like brother and sister (I'm an only child). There was never any affection beyond what you would normally see between family members, and we hung out at did all kinds of things together. I always seem to remember one time, with one friend, when she was "modeling" her selection of new bathing suits and I was commenting on how she appeared in them in a very matter-of-fact way and later, thinking to myself "boy, she's hot; I don't know why I'm not attracted to her", but I just wasn't, and she wasn't attracted to me either. The key was we were both single. Once she had a steady boyfriend, later getting married, we drifted apart. I could tell, like most "normal" guys, her boyfriend didn't really believe my intentions or friendship was platonic, because "guys can't be like that with a woman". I call this the "knuckle-dragging theory"
saraispiel19 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I call this the "knuckle-dragging theory" haha! why do men have to be such neanderthals at times. Hmm can't take the cave out of the man I guess. My husband has the exact same concept thinks all guy in the end want to get something..hmmm.
ZenSilk Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 In my experience, sex or romantic feelings always end up getting in the way.
pandagirl Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I think if a guy and girl form a friendship when they are younger and school-aged (elementary through college) then a platonic friendship can happen. But after a certain age, men and women don't become friendly with each other without ulterior motives. It's possible, but very rare!
theobserver Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I think I agree with pandagirl and a few other posters it's obviously possible but a true opposite gener pure platonic (unless he/she is gay) friendship with no romantic feelings are so rare. If the friendship has been from childhood I find it more believable with no alternative motives for the friendship , that's not to say someone you met a week ago can not become a true friend due to shared interests etc. However too many "platonic friendships" start off because one party is sexually attacted to the other wanting "relations" and then is rejected and put into the friend zone. Many people then classify this later as a platonic friendship but how can you be sure the other person hasn't lost their feelings for you in that way and is just waiting for the right moment to try again? I wouldn't say men who don't agree with there girlfriend/wife having an extremely active male as a friend/best friend are neanderthals or that it is a bad idea, It just depends how it begun. I would be extremely uncomfortable if I discovered he had hit on her before the friendship started not the best foundation. That said I've been friends with a woman for over 24 yrs since primary school and I've also had the thoughts of "omg she looks beautiful but I have absolutely no feelings for her in a romantic/sexual way" she's very much a sister in my mind.
Trialbyfire Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I think if a guy and girl form a friendship when they are younger and school-aged (elementary through college) then a platonic friendship can happen. But after a certain age, men and women don't become friendly with each other without ulterior motives. It's possible, but very rare! I'm starting to agree with this, more and more. I do have some very close male friends but they're guys who I met in highschool and uni.
pandagirl Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Also, I think if two people once dated and become friends (after no contact, new relationships, etc), can also work. I think women are more equipped to have platonic relationships with guys. Men are, in general, just wired to want to have sex with a chick!
Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Yes! But I think the guy would still be waiting for a green light at some point. lol
2sunny Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 i have a man who is one of my dearest friends. i love his extremely intelligent mind and he loves my intuition and straight forward approach. he's been married almost 35 years. we haven't ever considered any inappropriate action with each other. it's a great thing to be able to toss ideas and thoughts around with the opposite sex to get a different perspective. at times it has been a saving grace.
carhill Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 More on the knuckle-dragging theory..... As is human, we all see the world through the eyes of our own experiences. My experiences are why I have never had a problem with my wife's male friends and clients. If she wants to be with one of them, she will; I can't control that. She also has the life experience and moxie to handle any man's attentions, and I've seen her in action . Even with all our problems, it's the one thing I have always admired in her (and have told her that many times). I don't get why people in relationships think they can be the thought police of another human. It just doesn't make sense to me. If actions warrant consequences, so be it. Mutually assured destruction just doesn't seem to me to be a healthy way to live one's life. Territorial males give new meaning to both neanderthal behavior and MAD. They're just prisoners of their own psyche. Yes, if I meet women (regardless of relationship status) with whom I can have a platonic friendships, I'll continue to do that. Happily
pandagirl Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 As is human, we all see the world through the eyes of our own experiences. So on the money, carhill. This is one of the biggest life lessons I've learned as I've gotten older and wiser. Everyone has their own unique way of processing information and seeing the world. There is no way we can control that. The only thing we can do is accept and respect other people's opinions and not let it affect *our* judgment.
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